I drove to California and picked him up...

[lovemysons]

Thank you so much Copa.
Yes...What my son wrote is a prayer. You are a very intuitive soul.
My son loves to write prayers. He also loves his fellow homeless people.
He saved one from a fire and against a man with a knife who was threatening a woman in a nearby tent. He often speaks of G-d to all who will listen. And yet his “value system” is foreign to dear husband and I.

Unbeknownst to me until yesterday Son called dear husband Thanksgiving night from an unknown number. He left a voicemail telling husband that he was sorry and that many things his dad had told him were true.

I am more at peace today...its morning time though so maybe that’s why or maybe it’s your prayers.
I just want to reach out out to each of you and give you a hug and to say thank you. Maybe son will be alright one of these days. He is alive... there is hope.

Much love and prayers for the board members and each one of your dear children,
lms

 

[lovemysons]

Hi all,

I heard from my son the other day, Saturday afternoon I think.
He has a bad cold...no doubt from sleeping outside in 30 degree weather.
He told me that he should have stayed and followed our instructions.
He asked me if he could come back home. I told him he would need to speak with his dad.
Of course dad says that I am the one who makes the final decision.

He said he would get a job and pay for his own way back here.
He knows I won’t drive to California again or even pay for a bus ticket now.
He has for years only been determined to use drugs so it would be a real shocker to see him actually get back here on his own to our house and our rules.

On another note, Our oldest son and his family came to visit us on Sunday. They had not visited us at our new home before...so this was a real treat! This is the son who for years was hooked on Meth and other drugs. He has been sober now (with AA and a sponsor) for 3 years. He has three awesome and high energy daughters!

Oldest granddaughter and I went through photos, baby books and their fathers old toys. She likes to collect old things, so I gave her dads baby blanket a baby picture of him and a stuffed puppy toy that was his. She is also very artistic (like me).
Middle granddaughter is also very talented. She is a gymnast and did her “floor routine” in our backyard. Just amazing! Youngest has a tap dance recital next week. She will be dressed as Mrs Clause.

So happy for our oldest son and his sweet family to have the life they are enjoying today because of his sobriety.
I can’t believe all the years of pain that I put myself through over this son... panic attacks, crying fits, and even losing my mind once!
Miracles really do happen.

Hang in there,
Not Over (as dear husband says)
Love,
Lms

 

[Nandina]

LMS, what wonderful news! I hope your son who is still struggling will commit to what he told you. I think as long as he knows he can no longer depend on you to bail him out, he will eventually make the right decisions. It was truly heartwarming reading your post. Please keep us updated and stay strong.

 

[Estherfromjerusalem]

LoveMySons, your post was so encouraging. I can't stop admiring your attitude to it all, and your relationship with your oldest son is just wonderful and I am so happy you have good times with him and with your granddaughters. That is so precious. And I will continue praying that your younger son manages to make his way back home under his own steam, and then -- who knows? Just keep us informed please.

Love, Esther

 

[lovemysons]

Thank you both!
I haven’t heard anything from him since the last call but a man with official type paperwork in his hands showed up at our door this week. He asked if son was home and I told him he does not live here. I think it was about child support but I’m not for sure.

Speaking of child support...son will probably have to take a paternity test at some point as his wife has now had second baby that is not son’s last week.
I did buy presents for all the children and dear husband and I have let my daughter in law know that we will treat the other two like our own...not their faults that their real dads don’t care. Very sad.
I even bought the new baby a personalized Christmas outfit from Etsy ...still waiting on daughter in law to send me pics!

Time to finish up Christmas shopping this weekend and wrap all the presents.
Busy times for everyone.
Love,
lms

 

[Copabanana]

LMS.

What hopeful news! I agree with Esther that I so admire your loving attitude of patience and hope and optimism. The one question I have is one that will help me answer in my own life. Your son is an addict, like mine. Are you going to address head on the question of drugs? What I mean here is are you going to make any conditions, that he arrive clean, or participate in treatment? I have insisted my son not have drugs or use them near me. I have insisted he be in treatment. Nothing has ever worked. He does what he wants, when he wants to. But the thing is, these times are so dire.

If your son is in California now, there is a curfew at 10 pm. Nobody can go inside anywhere where they would keep warm. For example, the fast food places don't allow you to sit inside. All restaurants and cafes are closed. Homeless people I think are being rounded up off the streets. The shelters that they would stay in are closed for fear of spreading the virus.

On the one hand, people reap what they sow. On the other hand, these are our kids. I can see this both ways. What do you think?

 

[lovemysons]

Hi Copa,

Mine, like yours, cannot be forced into sobriety. It will have to happen because he is Fully convinced...finally once and for all convinced In his own mind. If he wants treatment, I can arrange that...I have before but he left a week before he was to be admitted...earlier this year.

I so wish that conditions worked. We have tried that. He did comply with mental illness medication...as long as I was acting as a facility and handing it to him every day. The only thing my son, for years now, has been passionately fervent about, is seeking drugs...he also has a heart for the homeless.

Interestingly enough...when my son was around 10 years old, he told us that he would not go to work when he grew up...that he would just be homeless. I had dear husband take him to see the homeless in the city streets one weekend night around that time.
Looking back now...Sons 10 year old self spoke this into future reality. I have often wondered if that was a horrible decision on our part.
The “scared straight” agenda backfired!

I would never wish homelessness on anyone’s child. It is very sad to me to be that depraved. I hope my son will work towards a way out of that life but one thing I am discovering is that I can’t...I simply don’t have the power...to do this for him.
G-d knows I wish I did.

lms

 

[Copabanana]

My son too has said he does not want to work and does not feel the need to work. He also believes that homelessness is a badge of honor. That is, that he can survive in dire and emergent conditions makes him feel proud. I guess like a cowboy. My son has referred to himself as addicted but never had expressed a desire to quit. Taper, yes.

What is your stance if he uses drugs while in your house, or brings them into your house?

 

[susiestar]

I am sorry that your youngest chose to go back to the streets. You are so patient and hopeful. I hope you can find your way through the situation without losing that patience and hope.

 

[lovemysons]

Hi Copa and Susie,

Copa...Our son has told us several times over the years now that we can’t tell him what substances go into his body. But he also knows that we will not tolerate drug use in our home...he will end up in the streets again if that be the case. I can’t even tolerate Kratom, which is an over counter natural substance he bought from a local smoke shop.
He does everything to the extreme...just like an addict. If the bottle says quantity 6 per day, he will take the WHOLE bottle in one day! And of course it gets him high.

Interesting that both of our sons view street life like it makes them some kind of rugged individual... I see it as deprived, sad, and lonely. I am sure that you, like dear husband and I, have all the creature comforts and enjoy a pretty good life. Hard to understand how street life is acceptable to them. Some things make no sense. Or as dear husband says, maybe we just have different value systems.


Susie...Son called me 2 nights ago. He is now in a psychiatric ward after he started hearing “demonic voices” (his words). He says he is ready to quit drugs and wants to find a way back home. He also says he needs to call his dad and talk to him. I think he will be released this weekend...time will tell. We have to watch what he does not what he says.

lms

 

[BusynMember1]

Hi. I have to chime in on Kraton. Legal or not it is dangerous and my homeless daughter gets sick on it if she takes too much but she takes too much and gets sick anyway. I'm so sorry about your son and.his path. My daughter never worked. We supported her so she and her useless husband and my grandson had somewhere to live. Now our grandson is with my other. Daughter and Kay and Lee live in a broken down motorhome. He works part time delivering pizza. She won't work. She is very paranoid these days. She never calls to ask about her son and my younger daughter is going to seek legal custody.

We are doing well. We tried it all and she won't work or get clean. I don't know what she thinks of homelessness but she never seemed afraid of it. She has always said she didn't fit into our family.

Prayers and blessings.

 

[lovemysons]

That is SO sad Busynmember,
I‘m so sorry to read that your daughter is not concerned about her son. And the part about her feeling that she didn’t fit into the family, is sad too.

My son would probably tell you the same thing in regard to not fitting in...He is a loner, a weather watcher, a wanna be preacher to the homeless, a depressant...with a truly funny sense of humor though. He’s just different than my other 2 who seem to have adopted a regular, more traditional, family home and values.

My son would tell you that he loves his children but...drugs have always come first...more recently this Kratom. When he used it, he would be in a horrible mood the next day and not go to work. He knows that if he comes back home, he cannot use Kratom or any non prescribed drug again!

I hope and pray that all of our wayward, drug abusing children, will come to their senses at some point and realize that they are destroying themselves and ruining opportunities through their continued drug use.

Hang in there. I will too.
I appreciate your prayers and blessings...mine are with you and your family as well.
lms

 

[BusynMember1]

Thank you and I wish you and your son well.

My daughter is adopted and has used that as a weapon and a reason to say she doesn't feel like one of us. She really IS different but we have spent so much time loving her and trying to help her. I understand that adopted kids can feel out of place but stupidly we did not anticipate that when we adopted her. We had no clue that adopted kids who were very loved still had more problems percentage wise than biological children.

Well, we did all we could. My grandson is a joy but has special needs. At least we still have him!!

Prayers.

 

[lovemysons]

I have read on the board for years now how challenging and different adopted children are...because of in utero damage as well as “bad genes” if you will. My son is not adopted but is the spitting image of my bio dad who I did not know until I was 17 years old. The man was a severe alcoholic and later Dxd with Bipolar Disorder which both my son and I have as well.

I can only imagine the level of manipulation by your daughter because of her adoption status. She likely knew y’all would go to any length to try and make up for her feeling out of place.

I’m so glad your grandson is safe and being cared for by family members that can love him well and seek treatment that he needs.

hugs and prayers
lms

 

[lovemysons]

Hi all...

Son is due to get out of psychiatric ward today. He claims he will get a job or sigh, hold up a sign that says, “Need money to get home.”

He spoke with dear husband on the phone about coming home and never using drugs again, working, etc. Husband told him actions speak louder than words and that husband would be thoroughly impressed if son actually made it on his own to our doorstep.

I know it is controversial but we sent son $100 for Christmas. I hope he will use the money wisely. We do not normally send him money unless it is his birthday or Christmas.

Speaking of birthdays, he did call me yesterday to get his wife’s mother’s new number so he could wish his oldest daughter a happy 11th Birthday. I was glad he remembered. Although I shouldn’t be too surprised because he is actually pretty thoughtful when it comes to special days.

I hope everyone is enjoying this week. We have been listening to a lot of Christmas music in our home while busy wrapping presents and baking sugar cookies which dear husband loves to decorate.
I was feeling sick this past week and got a COVID test yesterday...it came back negative thank G-d!

Love,
lms