Thanks for your suggestions. Let me clarify a few things. I didn't leave my first wife. She left me for a man she worked with. We were traveling in France as two families - my wife, and kids, and his wife and kids, and it became crystal clear to me, that they were more than just colleagues at work. I confronted her about it and she wouldn't talk to me about any of it (sex had not happened between us for months). I confronted him and he denied it. I though I was wrong and I was going crazy with my "assumptions". Yes, I'd overheard them say, "I love you" to each other. I assumed I misunderstood what was said. Yes, I'd caught them touching each other. I assumed I needed glasses. Yes, at one point, during dinner, his foot actually went up my leg. (I looked him in the eye at that point and said, "Try again, wrong leg." )The situation was tense to say the least. When he and his family left France after three weeks, we were scheduled to stay for two more. My (then) wife wouldn't come out of the bedroom. I went in and actually said in my best John Wayne voice, "This country aint' big enough for the two of us. You have to leave." (At that point the whole thing was becoming so absurd that I was starting to make jokes about it. What else could I do? I thought I was insane.) Anyway, she came out of the bedroom and said, "I'm leaving because you have been mean to me." Of course she ignored the fact that she had been having an open affair right in front of me, had kicked me, sworn at me, refused to talk to me, and thrown things at me. But, yes, I was rather upset with her.
In the end, two weeks later, when I got back to the USA, she told me she was in love with him and that it was over. She also said she married me to get "even" with her mother, that she'd never loved me for the entire 20 years of our marriage, and once her mother died, she didn't have any reason to remain married.
So the divorce nonsense happened. We'd saved most of our money in stocks and securities that her wealthy father had bought as gifts for us. When he learned that my name wasn't on the stock certificates, he said the documents needed to be changed. However, she said it wasn't necessary since we would "always be together, so it was a waste of time." This resulted in her getting 90% of the assets and me getting 10% but being responsible for 50% of the expenses for the kids. (To the women out there........does this sound familiar? Same situation, roles reversed. Rather than the man getting most of the assets, the women got them.)
Subsequently, her father died and left her over a million dollars. I got nothing, but I didn't expect anything. The thing is, my daughters wedding cost over $25,000. I worked extra hours to pay $5,000. She just wrote a check. My daughter went to a school where the tuition was $25,000 a year. I worked to pay $4,000 a year, my ex just wrote a check.
She has always given the kids everything they wanted. I can't afford to do that. I'm the bad guy. She's the shining star. Whenever I've brought up issues between their mother and myself they both respond with "I don't want to talk about it." It's like they were taught to respond that way.
Years ago I was asked to pay 50% of the taxes that my son owed the government for stocks and securities his grandfather (my ex's dad) gave to him. I paid over $1,000 until my attorney said I was not responsible for the taxes of another person whether they were my child or not. That was 20 years ago. About 5 month ago I asked my son about those assets. He didn't know anything about them. His mother said I was mistaken, that there was no "trust fund". Well, my question is simple - If they didn't exist, then what was I paying taxes for? And if they DO exist, they must be worth a lot of money by now! OR as I suspect, she forged his signature on the stock certificates, and spent the money. I believe that is a felony.
In any case, talking to my kids about the divorce that happened 20 years ago seems a little after the fact. What do you think?
