I need some info about

[Skylark Matrix]

I know that odd is oppositional defiance disorder, and believe me I certainly know what it looks, sounds, and acts like !! What I can't understand is how odd works all the time. Do the difficult child's look at situations and say to themselves "this is what everyone elso does, so I'm going to do the oppositie"? If someone says yes does that mean they think it through and have to say no? How do they ever manage in life? At age 20 mine has had many jobs and no matter what she will not work more than a month, unless she is at home, she did work 4 hours per day at the same job for 6 months - we wouldn't let her quit and I think part of it was she didn't want to be stuck at home either so work was sort of an outing. don't mistakingly thing work is the only conflict around here, it isn't, there are many. I'm just using an example. We live in a small rural community, distant from large centers and she can't seem to understand that this is life. We've also told her that she can live where ever she wants, but she has to get there the normal way, save some money, find a job, a place to live and move. she'd rather run away to a bad situation of any kind .
I need some input, please.

 

[meowbunny]

I hate ages 18-20+. They're legally adults but emotionally so very, very young. For mine, it took "living" on her own to get her to see that I wasn't trying to control her but to help her. Of course, this was her third attempt since she was 18 to live elsewhere. Each time turned into a total disaster with her "friends" booting her out within 2 months. Each time she lost her job for not showing up. Each of these jobs were ones she had had for 6-12 months when living at home. Like you, I wouldn't let her quit one without discussing it and having a truly valid reason for quiting.

If I had told she had to stay until she could leave the "normal way," I would have been lucky if she didn't take off 5 minutes after I said it. Now, she is trying to do it the normal way -- getting her GED, learning a skill, finding a job when we move that has a chance for promotions.

As to how an ODD child thinks, I think it varies with each child and each situation. Some will be ODD with any authority figure, even the police. Some only with those they trust to still care for them and those that can give them something.

Mine will not argue with a supervisor. In public situations, she is more passive-aggressive. At home, she is aggressive and only passive-aggressive when aggressive doesn't work and she thinks she can get away with the P/A behavior.

 

[Suz]

Skylark, check out The Chandler Papers. Here's a link to an post about it in our FAQ Forum. It contains a link to the article:

http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/the-chandler-papers.5/

Also, have you read the archives from the various forums yet? It's such a good idea for newbies. There is a ton of info in the archives. Most of them the in the archives of the General Forum but we also have a couple in the PE Archives.

Suz