I really am at a loss

[Malika]

Lol, Ktllc, having sweated and slogged to become fluent in French as an adult because my (French) mother didn't speak it to us as children, I don't think anything compares with acquiring a language at an early age
At the same time, you're right, really. I should keep those other options open - though now, at this stage, if we return to Morocco J could only be in the French "mission" anyway. I get an idea in my head, you see, and then I stick to it really relentlessly... But even my beloved French language is not worth a lifetime of misery and angst (and that's just me, lol)...
PS Maybe we should go and live in the States and finally get a diagnosis

 

[whatamess]

It is almost as if you are saying the daily struggle that J goes through to fit into French culture/expectations is less a bother than to teach him French in a more accepting country/environment. I am curious, of course you don't have to answer, what other reasons besides immersing J in French culture/language, do you have for living in France?

 

[Malika]

Why I am in France? Mainly practical, financial (ie real!) issues. I have a house here, which I own outright - no mortgage. In the UK, property prices are about three to four times what they are here and it has become extremely difficult to get a mortgage there. My income as a freelance, self-employed translator is not very high (but the big advantage is the freedom it gives me in terms of being with J on Wednesdays when there is no school, having him come home to lunch, etc.) I also find British grey, cold weather very difficult to live through - here there is sunshine most of the year and the most beautiful landscapes you could imagine. France has probably the most developed social system in the world and it is fantastic - I get help with various things that, having all my life felt that I had no reason to take money from the government, now very gratefully accept with a child to support. France welcomed us here, in a sense, when I left Morocco and for that I feel similar gratitude - legally, it was possible to come here and live where it was not in the UK without going through very complex administrative procedures that might not have been successful in the end. I myself am a francophile in terms of language and culture and am also a French national (though you'd never know it ) And so... here we are
About Steiner/Waldorf. I asked my brother, a person I like and respect, for his input (his kids were at the same Steiner school for 13 years) and this is what he said:

"The Steiner school, is overall, a great gift for a child. the advantages outweigh the drawbacks.

The biggest thing that happens is that the teachers are taught and work consciously to 'see' each child. A Waldorf class of kids become very close, since they are all aware of the strengths and deficits of each. Each child is seen for his or her unique gifts.

Issue 1: I have heard of a few parents who took their kids out a Steiner school, usually because they were unhappy with the teacher (the same teacher stays with the kids for about 8 years--normally great, a drawback if the teacher is weak, say.) For a few children it's not the right place--but that one can only know with time.

Potential issue 2: Any learning dislikes of the teacher can be passed on. Dan had a very musical teacher, but one that was not so passionate or focused with English and Maths, so Dan never really engaged, even though he had the ability to do so. No such issue has occurred with Sophia.

Steiner started his system after the First World War, in response to a businessman who asked RS to create an educational system that would produce children incapable of waging war. Not sure that is so, but it is VERY clear that the children who go through 10--13 years of Waldorf have a self-assurance, empathy and ability to learn that is consistent and really makes them stand out."

This certainly sounds to me like an endorsement.

 

[whatamess]

I will be curious to hear about your visit to the Waldorf school!

 

[SuZir]

PS Maybe we should go and live in the States and finally get a diagnosis

And then you could start thinking and fretting if you should medicate. And after that if the medication is a right one. And then go back to fretting if even the diagnose is a right one. There simply is no way to win, it seems.

If I understand correctly you live in the small village and there are no bigger towns/cities nearby. While I see the advantages in that, it also causes you to have fewer options and with the child like J those options may come handy. We also live in small community. This used to be rural area, but now we have a lot of new-comers at it is coming more or less suburban. Still we 'old-timers' tend to have our own, somewhat closed community partly because most of us are minority and most of new-comers are majority. While I do love many aspect of our small community, I have to say that especially for difficult child it was very important, that we also live rather close to a big city and we could use many of the opportunities that city gives us. When one is not fitting in on their small community, it is really tough. In bigger places you can have fresh starts and it is easier to find your niche. In small community you may end up being really alone.

I also know many people to whom the steiner school was a very good experience and their biggest complaint is only that eurythmy really hoovered. I'm not sure if they even do it in every Waldorf school, but here they tend to do it a lot and I have never met anyone who went to steiner school and didn't find it awfully boring. I'm sure there are also those who liked it somewhere. My other advice in addition to trying to find out about that specific Waldorf school and how well it works, is to point blank ask how they handle learning difficulties and special need kids. J may or may not ever end up with diagnose, but at least here many Waldorf school simply don't take students with special needs or learning difficulties and even ask parents to take them out, if something comes up later. They don't have resources to handle those issues and because they are private schools, they don't have to deal with kids with special needs and often they simply don't.

 

[Malika]

t My other advice in addition to trying to find out about that specific Waldorf school and how well it works, is to point blank ask how they handle learning difficulties and special need kids. J may or may not ever end up with diagnose, but at least here many Waldorf school simply don't take students with special needs or learning difficulties and even ask parents to take them out, if something comes up later. They don't have resources to handle those issues and because they are private schools, they don't have to deal with kids with special needs and often they simply don't.

Yes, that's a very good point, SuZir. You remind me that I too have read this about Steiner schools, that they are not geared up for people with learning difficulties. And a very good point to bring up and be honest about when I visit the school. I have also contacted - and will hopefully go and visit with J (they require that a child wanting to come to the school spends two trial days there before a decision is taken) another school in the big city an hour away which is more like a conventional school than Steiner but definitely alternative - kids have autonomy, decide some of the classroom policy, lessons are creative and personalised, etc. When I spoke to the secretary this morning and she asked if there were any difficulties or special problems to mention, and I talked about the hyperactivity, she definitely sounded wary... when I said that we had recently seen a neurologist who said J was highly intelligent and not ADHD, she definitely perked up... so I will have to be equally honest there.
I just hope and pray that we can find a soft place to land for J in September... incidentally, I heard today that the other teacher at J's school, whom he would have had this September, is leaving and will be replaced by a young, male teacher.