PamelaJ,
This is crisis stage plus. I am sure you already know that, and I know you know it has been bad for a long long time.....but now something needs to change, something has to happen. You are going to find yourself in legal trouble with this kind of things going on.....even if difficult child is pushing your buttons.
If the psychiatrist is not listening, not hearing, you need to find another or make this one hear and listen and do something. These medications are just not working. And if you are that stressed out dealing with it, I am gonna guess difficult child himself must also be stressed out living it every minute of every day.
You need to find someone you can call when you cannot handle it, or you need to create some kind of plan to remove yourself from this stress load. Really, if your son had grand mal seizures and broke things when a siezure occured, would you still view the broken items as willful destruction and chosen poor behavior?
This crisis has exploded on you, and someone is going to get seriously injured, or there might be a time when things escalate even more out of control. You slapped him silly, you were overwhelmed at you became out of control. I do not know how he responded to that THIS time, but- he is a growing boy, and it would not be a surprise of such a thing pushed him further out of control, too. You know how YOU felt when you slapped him.it is possible he may feel similar when he does the things he does...out of control....unable to stop himself.
You need to give a hard look at him and these types situations, and step back and not take them personal. His behaviors are a symptom....something is not right. Can you try to tune out what you call "disrespect"? walk away? go to a different room, ignore him?
Seriously you do need to get his doctor to understand what is going on, the degree to which it is happening, how it makes you feel.and you might need to also force your husband to understand, as well. Sometimes in a marriage or family there are some things one of the persons, one of the adults, one of the family members- does better. Your husband might have to do some serious soul searching and reassess his priorities and maybe it might have to be him who deals with your son. Your son has a very real and very serious biological brain disorder. Serious illness can and often does cause families to have to reassess many parts of their life and sometimes rearrange things in their life.
I am not saying these things becuz I am trying to be mean......I am worried for you, your son and your family.
Your sons medications need to be reviewed....and some plans need to be put into place so that you do not feel so overwhelmed that you lose control of you and do this again. My heart breaks for you.
And no, it is NOT "easy for me to say"- I have had a seriously mentally ill husband for the better part of 15 years.....and I have a seriously mentally ill daughter. I have been in your shoes.
I am not just throwing out unfounded ideas. I am not just pointing my finger and casually saying anything just to be mean. And I KNOW first hand just how upside down Life and home and finances and everything can become when there is an ill person in the home.
Many hugs for you......I cannot imagine it felt good at all to feel how you must have felt. Many many hugs for your whole family. You are in crisis. ANd it is going to take hard work and creative thinking