BusynMember
Well-Known Member
mof, what a beautiful post. Brought tears to my eyes.
I think I'm done.... I can't live a lie
- Thread starter ColleenB
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Copabanana
Well-Known Member
Honestly, I do not see the stigma, nor the reason for shame. This society and every other society that I am aware of has addiction and mental illness. Look at our presidents, the reality of their lives. In my adult lifetime there have been so many congressmen and senators who were arrested for drugs, alcohol, prostitution, illicit sex, it has almost become a cliche. Ditto in Great Britain. In France and Italy they are so worldly they hardly bat an eye. But witness the scandals of recent presidents in both countries.
Why should our families be different? Many of us have addiction in our families of origin, and grandparents too. In my family I have alcoholism going back generations on my father's side. My adopted son, both of his parents were addicts.
It is not my stigma. It is not his, although I believe this is his major issue that he must come to grips with. We are not marked with Scarlett Letters anymore, even though it feels like it.
The shame and stigma we can get over. There is a way through it. Is it not bad enough with the real problems we face we and our children? We need to put behind us, what we can, I say!
Why should our families be different? Many of us have addiction in our families of origin, and grandparents too. In my family I have alcoholism going back generations on my father's side. My adopted son, both of his parents were addicts.
It is not my stigma. It is not his, although I believe this is his major issue that he must come to grips with. We are not marked with Scarlett Letters anymore, even though it feels like it.
The shame and stigma we can get over. There is a way through it. Is it not bad enough with the real problems we face we and our children? We need to put behind us, what we can, I say!
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mof
Momdidntsignupforthis
I agree...but not always so easy. I believe stigma occurs from uneducated in the terms of mental health.
Sadly in our state, prisons have become our mental hospitals. My husband who ministers in our state prison here sees it. He was encouraged that they do have 12 step education.
There is even a stepping order among addicts. AA sometimes would prefer not to have drug addicts in mtgs. My son is considered the low of low for being a needle user. He once had a Cocaine recoverer tell him that at least he never used a needle.
We can only control our reaction and acceptance. I agree with you all the way!
Sadly in our state, prisons have become our mental hospitals. My husband who ministers in our state prison here sees it. He was encouraged that they do have 12 step education.
There is even a stepping order among addicts. AA sometimes would prefer not to have drug addicts in mtgs. My son is considered the low of low for being a needle user. He once had a Cocaine recoverer tell him that at least he never used a needle.
We can only control our reaction and acceptance. I agree with you all the way!
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
mof, I saw a documentary on how the jails snd prisons are the new psychiatric treatment centers in our entire country. It is very sad that it has come to this low. They are hardly adequate to care for the mentally ill. Very sad situation.
mof
Momdidntsignupforthis
It is very sad. When he connects with men who have not had a letter or visitor in 10yrs , you realize how fortunate our Difficult Child have it. Many of them have burned bridges, came from unfortunate circumstances.
Are they to be ignored? We pray for the unloved everyday...there are some success stories, and then there was an addict that told hubby as soon as he was released he was gonna get higher than ever.
We are all broken. Yes, I feel for these families who struggle, us Mom's who she'd tears....it's just nice to know we are not alone.
Are they to be ignored? We pray for the unloved everyday...there are some success stories, and then there was an addict that told hubby as soon as he was released he was gonna get higher than ever.
We are all broken. Yes, I feel for these families who struggle, us Mom's who she'd tears....it's just nice to know we are not alone.
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
Yes. I work in this environment too.
I make it a practice to speak out loud what shames me. I feel that by doing so, I air things out for myself and actually do my part for others too. It is remarkable how the prisoners respond to this humbling of myself. Or maybe it is more accurately phrased allowing myself to be seen as fully human. They adore it. They become giddy-almost-gleeful. I believe they feel more compassion for themselves.
But I do it only for me. I do it with my bosses and co-workers too sometimes, whose only impulse is to assess my relative weakness, or to have the goods on me, to see me as less of a threat. It it this that is harder for me, because I feel vulnerable and afraid sometimes of retaliation. But I tell myself: What more can they do to me that they will not do anyway, if they choose? My making myself vulnerable only strengthens me. That is how I feel. People are responsible for their own acts. I am learning that I am not. Only my own acts, am I responsible for.
But MOF these men find support from each other, many of them. Not all. And those who are preyed upon at least in my own state find some degree of refuge, first in sensitive needs yards (protective custody) or ultimately in state hospitals.But in my state we are under receivership. The Feds are in charge, protecting the prisoners. A good thing. How much longer it will last I do not know, but it has had marvelous and wonderful effects.
Tell your husband that I admire his work. I have sometimes thought of getting a certificate as a chaplain, to re-enter prison in this capacity because I believe they are much more unfettered in their influence and potential to reach the prisoners. I won't do it, I do not think. I am old already. I have had enough of prisons. For the better part of 20 years is enough. It is nice that we share this bond MOF.
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ColleenB
Active Member
Funny enough, reading about your experiences in prisons , I think of my work at the youth home/shelter.
Last night one of the youth was arrested for breach of probation and is now 18, so will be entering the adult criminal justice system. I felt terrible we had to call police when he came home as we knew it would result in his arrest. He had not come home the night before, which was a breach of probation. As I helped him make a sandwich, I thought about his parents, who don't live far from me, in my upper middle class neighborhood, and how they would now have a child who was both an addict and now in prison perhaps. He is not a bad kid, just a lost one. My heart hurt at that moment for all those parents who raised their sweet kids , never imagining this life for them. We had to find a picture of him earlier in the day for police, before he came home, so we went on his Facebook. Seeing younger, happier pictures of him, with his nanny wishing him a happy birthday on one, my heart fell.
How do we as human beings not see our prisoners as fellow humans, possibly hurt lost souls who at one point were young and loved, and cherished....
It made me worry for my own son of course who could be on this road, who IS on this road....
What more can I do? Nothing.
It's like watching a train heading straight for your child, and in your mind there must be something you can do... But if you run to save your child the train will destroy you too.
I hurt so much, but I am trying to find joy and happiness in moments... I want to live my life, but it's like an ache that is always there and if I stop to think about him too long, the wound opens and deepens....
I know some may think my work with homeless youth may not be the best for me right now, but in a weird way I feel like I am giving comfort and help to my own son when I work with them.
To give compassion and see them as human, not as criminals, or as troubled teens, but as worthwhile souls who deserve love and kindness.
I pray my son has people who look on him that way, and not just as a dirty addict, who has messed up.
I don't go more than an hour without having thinking of him... And I wonder if I always will.... I hope so.... I just hope it hurts less with time.
Last night one of the youth was arrested for breach of probation and is now 18, so will be entering the adult criminal justice system. I felt terrible we had to call police when he came home as we knew it would result in his arrest. He had not come home the night before, which was a breach of probation. As I helped him make a sandwich, I thought about his parents, who don't live far from me, in my upper middle class neighborhood, and how they would now have a child who was both an addict and now in prison perhaps. He is not a bad kid, just a lost one. My heart hurt at that moment for all those parents who raised their sweet kids , never imagining this life for them. We had to find a picture of him earlier in the day for police, before he came home, so we went on his Facebook. Seeing younger, happier pictures of him, with his nanny wishing him a happy birthday on one, my heart fell.
How do we as human beings not see our prisoners as fellow humans, possibly hurt lost souls who at one point were young and loved, and cherished....
It made me worry for my own son of course who could be on this road, who IS on this road....
What more can I do? Nothing.
It's like watching a train heading straight for your child, and in your mind there must be something you can do... But if you run to save your child the train will destroy you too.
I hurt so much, but I am trying to find joy and happiness in moments... I want to live my life, but it's like an ache that is always there and if I stop to think about him too long, the wound opens and deepens....
I know some may think my work with homeless youth may not be the best for me right now, but in a weird way I feel like I am giving comfort and help to my own son when I work with them.
To give compassion and see them as human, not as criminals, or as troubled teens, but as worthwhile souls who deserve love and kindness.
I pray my son has people who look on him that way, and not just as a dirty addict, who has messed up.
I don't go more than an hour without having thinking of him... And I wonder if I always will.... I hope so.... I just hope it hurts less with time.
mof
Momdidntsignupforthis
Colleen,
How can we not think of them? As a mother they are always a part of us, but only a part.
I believe your work may make you feel close. You see the sad and the promising. When my son lay in the hospital with Trac marks up and down his arms and was lost, I was grateful that the nurses treated him as a human. Yes, they see it all the time, one male nurse told him a story of recovery....it was too early then for him to understand for he was in such a dark place of depression. It their compassion mattered to me.
Our pastor writes to my son every week...funny, encouraging notes. How many other people could use encouragement from just one.
We know addiction isn't exclusive to the poor or rich...the image of the addict has changed. I pray that in the future the news starts showing the difference people like you make instead of the mug shots of all those who do not give hope.
I'm searching for what I can do...not sure yet. My son wears a bracelet that reads Stop Heroin...it scares people. He had an officer ask him about it, he is brutally honest. The officer said his blatant honesty was blowing him away. I think he needs to find a middlegroud, but for right now..it helps him.
I will continue to pray for those lost children and mourning parents. I'm sure you give more peace than you know.
How can we not think of them? As a mother they are always a part of us, but only a part.
I believe your work may make you feel close. You see the sad and the promising. When my son lay in the hospital with Trac marks up and down his arms and was lost, I was grateful that the nurses treated him as a human. Yes, they see it all the time, one male nurse told him a story of recovery....it was too early then for him to understand for he was in such a dark place of depression. It their compassion mattered to me.
Our pastor writes to my son every week...funny, encouraging notes. How many other people could use encouragement from just one.
We know addiction isn't exclusive to the poor or rich...the image of the addict has changed. I pray that in the future the news starts showing the difference people like you make instead of the mug shots of all those who do not give hope.
I'm searching for what I can do...not sure yet. My son wears a bracelet that reads Stop Heroin...it scares people. He had an officer ask him about it, he is brutally honest. The officer said his blatant honesty was blowing him away. I think he needs to find a middlegroud, but for right now..it helps him.
I will continue to pray for those lost children and mourning parents. I'm sure you give more peace than you know.
DarkwingPsyduck
Active Member
I need to disagree STRONGLY to with this post. There should not be a "stepping order" among addicts. Regardless of what they use, how much they use, or how they choose to use. That is the exact opposite of humility, and should be discouraged, NOT encouraged. I never did the needle thing, but I am no better than the worst heroin junkie you see on the street with a needle in their arm. We suffered the very same affliction. I would expect that needle using junkie to be treated with the same consideration that I received. NA/AA are anonymous for just this reason. To bring us all down to a level playing field, and so that we can shed any illusions we have of superiority over one another. You treat that needle using junkie the same way you'd treat every other addict.
