I think the dog ate my phone....

[emotionallybankrupt]

Really. No phone. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it. Phone and brain both GONE.

I can't believe I took the bait. I'd refused phone calls for a couple of weeks, in keeping with my beautiful boundaries. I let it ring again today. Then came the text message right after. "Mom, it sure would be easier if you would answer the phone. I have a lot to update you about."

Ok, I thought. Probably time to accept a phone call. Well, the child is SICK! And no wonder. I already knew she'd been taking him out and showing him off like a puppy, and I'd messaged about remembering he still has a fragile immune system. But what do I know?

In the ER last night, the "clinic" this morning, and now headed back to the ER. First a bad case of thrush and now running a fever. Spinal tap now being considered. Been in the clinic repeatedly in the past two weeks, seeing first one medical student and then another, each confused by the treatment prescribed by the one before. And WHY is there still no pediatrician on the case?

None of the nice detachment scripts came to mind. "Well, dear, what are you going to do now?" Nope. I couldn't find anything nice to say. To hear my screaming grandson in the background was HORRIBLE, and I blew a gasket. I really don't know how I would be coping right now if I had seen and held that child. If ever I doubted that distance was necessary, now I know for sure.

"Ok, I assume you are asking for my advice. Is that right?"

"Yes." [At that point I was SOOO glad she said yes....]

"GET a pediatrician," I told her. "This is PATHETIC. This child deserves a pediatrician. Have you called the one RIGHT THERE down the road yet?"

"Well, no, because I don't have the latest insurance book. I don't know if he's on my insurance or not." And blah, blah, blah.

"So WHAT exactly is your problem with making a phone call?" I asked her. "WHY is that so hard for you?"

Obviously, I'm seething. "Well, I don't think they take it...well, I heard the other one doesn't either. I really don't know who to call...." And on and on and on.

So...I got out the phone book and threw names and phone numbers at her like darts. "PICK one. If they say no, call the NEXT one. Keep making calls until you GET one."

I gave her maybe three names that I was familiar with. Then we got off the phone so she could get to the ER. She had been waiting for her ride, since she has no vehicle or license. After we hung up, I soon got a text that none of those docs accepted her insurance. So I got the phone book out and kept blasting texts until I got one back from her, saying she'd gotten an appointment with one of them.

Now WHY was that so difficult, for her to realize she needs a DOCTOR for her baby? I guess I did accomplish something, but I've been in turmoil all day now. And I won't forget the sound of the screams for a long time, if ever. I dread the nightmares I know I'm going to have tonight.

Yes, I've HAD IT with phone calls. The clickety clack of typing e-mails is more than enough.

Whew! Thanks for the venting opportunity....

 

[Doddlin]

Well... it happens to us all. Breaking point hit! Hang in there. Hopefully she learned something from your resourcefulness???? Seems she is not handling HER frustrations and responsibilities. Maybe you could ask her why this means you should? Tough, tough, tough.

 

[Star*]

Well I think Grammy is an angel. You know - if your daughter was not a difficult child - and if she was a young Mother - and you had a good relationship - and she was in a house, without a car - and the baby got sick and she called you for advice with him crying in the background - YOU would have done the exact same thing for that daughter and your grandson.

Soooo I don't see where you did anything non-detaching there. We are talking about a sick baby. When that happens EVERYONE in a family pitches in with advice. EVERYONE. The fact that she called YOU? I'm thinking is A-MAZING. Her text wasn't snotty - it was desperate. HELP ME - I think it could have gone really bad, in another direction, but instead she called the person she trusted and knew would have an answer for her - because a sick baby IS frustrating. Sometimes the advice comes too late - but in this case she called you for help. The fact that she was on her way to the ER? Kudos for that kid not waiting another day or two. Frustrating? YOU BETCHA. Should she have been parading him around like a puppy? H no. But if this is what happens when she does that? And the crying is getting to her? Maybe ----just maybe she'll think the next time about not taking him out. We can only hope.

I'm sorry hon - I think what you did was awesome. Detachment or not - Ya' done good!

Hugs

 

[Star*]

p.s. - When you pet the dog does he have a ringtone ? How do you charge a dog? I mean where do you put the plug? Not sure I wanna know. But lets just hope he doesn't get hiccups and dial the Naval station in the Arctic.

 

[emotionallybankrupt]

Thanks, Star. I needed that! Gee, since he's been fixed and all, plugging him up would be more excitement than he's felt in a LONG time! And my ringtone? Mary Chapin Carpenter "I Feel Lucky."

 

[DammitJanet]

LOL...I thought your ringtone for sure would be...Who let the Dogs out? Who, Who?

 

[CrazyinVA]

A friend of mine has a ringtone that is a dog barking, no joke.. everytime it goes off I look around for a dog. He says it's the only one he can hear when there's a lot of noise around him.

I think you did ok, honestly. I probably would have done the same thing in your shoes (in fact, I think I have!) You just hit this wall sometimes, and you crack and blow. What is obvious to us, seems completely foreign to them ... it's incredibly frustrating, isn't it?!

 

[emotionallybankrupt]

I got a message last night that he's now hospitalized with meningitis. First, she said bacterial culture was positive; then she said no, that it was viral. Makes no sense to me. Where did the positive culture go?

Either way, though, it sounds like he's a sick little boy. I don't know much about meningitis, except that it's serious business. Hoping to hear good news later. No word yet today.

...and I'm sorry, but I don't like the tone of her messages. Just like the phone conversation yesterday. I hear no emotion in her voice at all. Just a very well-articulated synopsis, as if she were giving a weather report. I hear no worry in her voice. I'm very worried about that.

 

[CrazyinVA]

Oh no, how frightening! I know that Youngest gives me conflicting medical information sometimes too, it's like they don't listen or properly interpret what they're hearing. I want to reach through the phone or call the doctor myself and ask questions, but of course I can't. Poor little thing, I hope he improves soon. I wonder if difficult child realizes just how serious this is? I imagine her lack of affect is indicative of her inability to deal with things. I'm sorry.. it's hard to stay detached at a time like this, to be sure.

 

[emotionallybankrupt]

I just don't know. She was so specific and really is an academic person. Her first voicemail was that he had "gram positive cocci." She couldn't have misheard that. I don't know many teenagers who would have been able to retain and communicate that terminology. Not that it helped me much. I, of course, went immediately to internet searches for gram positive cocci and found myself over my head in medical jargon. Bad bacteria. That's all I know.

As for the affect.... I worry about the capacity for empathy. That was such a big marker in her psychiatric diagnosis, and it showed itself in so many ways in this house. She had a couple of puppies for a while, which caused a HUGE conflict. I had hoped she would have a positive focus and learn some responsibility (and quit threatening to get pregnant). Instead, she loved taking them out for oohs and aahs, while ignoring their needs here. She had the capability to be absolutely unmoved by their cries, as if she heard nothing, while anybody else within earshot would be incredibly jarred, and in conflict about whether or not to react despite her sitting calmly right there in the midst of things, going about her business. I gave it as long as I could but then took the dogs away from her and found them an excellent home. That hasn't been so long ago.

The stakes are higher now but I worry that the same dynamics are repeating. I hope I'm wrong.

 

[DammitJanet]

Wow, if I am to understand this, your grandson is no older than maybe 6 weeks old and he has been this sick for at least the last two weeks.

One really big question. How did she get out of the hospital from giving birth without a pediatrician listed or how is she getting WIC without a pediatrician on board? I cant imagine her not being on WIC considering how expensive formula is and I doubt her hubby makes that kind of income. WIC would have interviewed her in the hospital.

If she is going to the ER all these times, arent they referring her to a pediatrician for ongoing care?

Oh well, now he is in the hospital. Meningitis is bad but it happens quite often to very little babies. If they catch it right away, which is why they almost always will do a spinal tap to a baby with a high fever, then they can get them well pretty quick with a round of IV antibiotics. Its much harder on older people. Or people not treated. Im glad she took him in.

 

[witzend]

She could have heard about the gram positive cocci in reference to another child. Meningitis is extremely contagious, so if he has it they won't be letting her take him home for a while. Hopefully a nurse or doctor will notice the baby's need for help and get some agency referred to him, bless his heart.

 

[Star*]

I'm so sorry to hear he's that sick. I think Witz has a very good point - I can't see them letting her take him with menengitis. Not at 6 weeks, 6 years or 60.....

Wish your day was better - Here's hope!!

 

[emotionallybankrupt]

They went home this afternoon. UNBELIEVEABLE! She left me hanging all day, waiting for information. I'd messaged her. No answer. I was checking my phone (yeah, yeah, I know. I guess the dog didn't eat it...) several times an hour watching for text messages, e-mails, facebook posts, smoke signals, ANYTHING. I got so desperate for a diversion that I CLEANED OFF MY DESK and began to DUST FURNITURE.

Finally got the text that they were going home. She said the positive culture was determined to be due to a contaminant, and that he definitely has something viral, but not meningitis. No, he's not really better, and he's worn out from the spinal tap, blood tests, etc. She's just supposed to take him back to the ER if anything gets worse.

From my perspective, this is horrible. I have no doubt they were pushed out of the hospital so quickly because she's on state insurance. I've seen it before with other indigent care cases.

And...can they rule out VIRAL meningitis? I'm guessing that anything viral just has to run its course, but he's still sick. difficult child is definitely prone to exaggerate to get attention, but she can't be making this up, because they wouldn't have admitted him in the first place and put him through all those tests if nothing were wrong.

Yes, Janet. You've got it right. He's six weeks old, but would be only two weeks old had he gone to term. difficult child has been on state insurance throughout the pregnancy and continuing (and WIC), but supposedly there was some glitch in making a smooth transition to baby's coverage through the state insurance. Rather than pushing to get it straightened out, difficult child has been complacent, spending her time playing show and tell with her baby doll instead. To her credit, she is nursing exclusively, and so formula is not an issue. I had begun to feel a little ego boost there, in thinking that maybe she decided to do that because I am such a strong advocate of nursing. Neither of my children ever had a taste of formula, and I have no idea how to mix it up, heat it, or sterilize a bottle. Well, she was very quick to bring me back down to earth by letting me know she is breastfeeding because of the influence of her mother-in-law. OOOO-kay. She'd have been smarter to keep that one to herself.

So, I've got no idea how this is going to play out. I don't know when the appointment with the pediatrician is supposed to take place or what kind of follow-up has been planned. I wouldn't be surprised if they are back in the ER within 24 hours though. And all I can do is hang on for the ride.

 

[DammitJanet]

Well, my son's baby momma had my granddaughter out on display practically as soon as she was released from the hospital too. I have never seen a woman have a C-section and then hit the mall so fast! LOL. Amazed me. She had Keyana on Friday, released on Sunday and was cruising the mall on Tuesday and we had Keyana for her first weekend visitation at 2 weeks old!

Now I am thrilled that we started getting her so early and that Cory got overnight visits that early but I couldnt have let my baby away that young.

Of course, it meant Keyana grew up knowing she had two houses, two every things. Oh heck with her, she has 3! Or 4...lol. Momma, Grandma Linda, Us, and Uncle Jamie's.