Ignorance truly is bliss

[hearts and roses]

I have come to envy our parent's generation a little bit. They were ignorant of so much.

Maybe not all of us, but many of us [back in our teenage days] were out running around, trying pot and drinking at parties and camping on the beach, and exploring life...and we both learned from it and survived it. And our parents were either none the wiser or they simply didn't put much thought into it, at least not enough to wonder where they heck we were or with whom, and doing what. Being the youngest of 5 and having a mother who was 40 years older than me, she was wise. She knew what was going on most of the time, but she was tired. In her case, I'd have to say that she chose to look the other way most of the time.

Knowing what I know, I very rarely can look the other way. And I am very wise about what's going on. And most of what I've learned about what's going on in my difficult child's life has been through this nifty little spy tool called AIM and difficult child's pure stupidity.

I swear, the girl doesn't realize that she can erase an entire IM, clear the IM history?? How can she be so computer savvy and still be so stupid? Even I clear my IM history every time I close a box, and I'm not sharing with the world my every emotion, thought, and sexual plans, antics and history.

I wish I were ignorant. Just like the wife who shouldn't look through her H's wallet and clothing for clues as to where he's been (she may not like what she finds, after all), I shouldn't look at my difficult child's IMs. Okay, I get that. But the girl is so stupid that she leaves AIM open when she leaves the house and tells me she is with her gay friend P and then I go onto the computer and her ONE OF HER most current sex buddies has decided to send her one more tiny message that says something like, "Yeah, ok see you there" and I discover that she's not really with P. And because the box is up already, I may as well skim through it and this is when I find information that I wished I hadn't. This is when I should close the darned box and remain ignorant. Because the things she discusses would make your hair curl. O.M.G.

So last night I learned that not only is she still kinda sorta seeing Monkeyboy still, she has a local boy on the side, who incidentally looks EXACTLY like Monkeyboy, that she is SLEEPING WITH. So she's sleeping around....I can count 8 guys THAT I KNOW OF that she has slept with. And those are the ones I KNOW about. And currently, if my math is correct, there are two on the hook. sinnce she's become sexually active, 3+ years, she has had 8 bed partners.

First, Thank the Good Lord that she is getting the BC shot because if she was relying on the pill (which she forgot all the time) I'm sure I'd be a grandmother by now and God help any baby she ever has). But is she using condoms? I doubt it. Second, I am sick to my stomach...I can't get what I read out of my head. It's like I need to go get my brain cleared or something, similar to the way in which one would wipe out a hard drive. I just DO NOT WANT TO KNOW THIS STUFF ABOUT HER and wish I could erase it all.

So, this is why I am so envious of our predessessors. I wish I had their ignorance.

 

[janebrain]

Oh, JoG,
I am sorry--I wish she would be more discreet. I deliberately have tried not to know any more of that stuff than I need to know, and have been pretty successful. I am sure if I had known half of what difficult child 1 was doing I would have been sickened. I guess I am lucky she didn't leave her IM stuff up! Sometimes difficult child 2/easy child leaves stuff up but I quickly minimize it before I can read it so I can remain ignorant.

I think I was pretty good at keeping my parents in the dark when I was a teen. I came in at curfew (I had a pretty late one too), went to school pretty regularly, did my schoolwork, had a part-time job that I was good at and reliable with, etc. Since I was able to function this way they were able to look the other way and not have to know all the other stuff I was up to.

My sympathies!

Jane

 

[bran155]

Jog,

Do you have special powers? Did you come into my house last night while I was sleeping and steal my brain? Because you have just described something that I could have typed verbatim about my life!!! Our daughters just might be twins!!!

I so agree. I wish I was as clueless as my mother was about what I was doing. One time she came home from work, I was about 16, she walked in and said "What is that funny smell, are you burning candles?". Uh, NO, I was smoking pot!!! There were 2 beers on the coffee table and a joint burning in the ashtray, she just didn't even see it!! My boyfriend was in my closet. I had no pants on and his clothes were strewn about the room. Never did she ask why I wasn't dressed, nor did she ask whose clothes they were as she was handing them to me and telling me to clean up!! DUH!!!!!!

Why, oh why can't I be that stupid???? Can we buy blinders somewhere? Not only are we much more intuitive about our difficult children behaviors but it seems that your daughter might be a lot like mine in that she does not feel the need to hide things. She even tells me things that are so incredibly inappropriate. Things about her sex life and drug use, she has even told me about a few robberies that she committed. She once said "Mom, I'll be back, I am going to CVS to steal some make up." As if I was to say, okay see you when you get back - have fun honey!!!!! I think she does this as a result of her Borderline (BPD), she lacks common social cues and I just don't think she realizes that these things are not things you share with your MOTHER!!!

If you find the answer, please let me know!!!! Because I want so much to be ignorant as well!!!

Shawna

 

[hearts and roses]

Bran, I just about peed my pants reading your post. Your mom and mine must have been related somehow.

I wish it were as simple as putting on blinders, but my intuition has been so carefully and effectively honed that I can't turn it off anymore!!! It isn't fun, I tell you.

 

[Suz]

my eyes, my eyes!

Jo, quit trying to beat the censors...my fingers are getting tired! lol



Anyway..........is it possible that the apple didn't fall far from the tree, girls and that's why you are so suspicious? I'm kidding, I'm kidding!

Heck, I was a easy child and still got away with stuff when I was a teenager. It's just that the things that kids try to get away with now seem so much more dangerous than they were when I was that age.

Jo, I'm sure you've talked to difficult child about STD's/HIV until you are blue in the face. That has to be such a big nightmare for you. I'm sorry.

Suz

 

[hearts and roses]

Oh Suz, we can say s.e.x? I didn't know, sorry. Haha - I will stop trying to beat the sensors.

I was a little bad as a young adult. But I also was responsible for myself. Always worked, paid all my own bills, would rather die than ask my mom for money, never felt entitled and didn't leave any evidence around. I wasn't doing anything that anyone else wasn't doing. For the most part anyway - hey it was the 70's/80's.

 

[CrazyinVA]

I was a "goody goody" in high school, but I still get this. My Oldest does some things.. sigh. I hear them from Youngest. While part me wants to know, a lot of me does NOT want to know. Multiple partners.. 8... pfffft. I suspect Oldest has had well over 20, at age 25. :: shudder ::

If you can stand it, try to resist reading the IMs. Easier said than done, I know .. and yes, I did it too ... I mean, how can you not, when they leave them open?! Still, it probably is better not to know...

 

[DammitJanet]

LOL....isnt it funny. I always told Cory that I could catch him at anything because I wrote the book back in the day and there wasnt a darned thing he could do that I hadnt already done!

 

[C.J.]

I have an internet monitoring service - captures keystrokes, websites, IM's, etc. Since most of N*'s Potential Sperm Donors have been met through the internet, and they come to my house sometimes to get her, I want to have some evidence to give the police (again!) when she turns up missing. I don't read through them often, as I want to throw up after reading the lies she's telling (she says she was a gang member in LA, was a model, she was arrested for street racing and attempted murder -none of which are true. She's never been to California, she's never been a model, she's never had a car, and when she was arrested, it was for misdemeanor assault.)

This girl has no stinkin' clue about personal safety. I've taken her to several basic self defense classes, signed her up for kick boxing (which she enjoyed), talked to her and talked to her about getting her keys out of her purse before she leaves the building on her way to the car, and before she leaves the car when she's on her way to a building. After a PSD drops her off at my house and drives off, she'll stand at the front door rummaging through her purse in the dark, looking for her keys...every time.

You may have to continue to monitor her computer activity. You may need it some day, though I hope and pray you do not.

 

[everywoman]

Sometimes any information is too much information.

 

[Hound dog]

For the longest time my kids believed I was psychic. I knew what they were up to because I could read them like a book, and I'd already been there done that myself so knew all the tricks. lol Also it didn't help them that we live in a small area so I had info being pumped to me almost as it took place.

Once they were 18 I forced myself to shut off all that radar. I follow my grandmother's example. I do not want to know.

Nichole leaves her IMs up all over the place, on my computer as well as hers. I click out of them and don't let myself look. I refuse to stick my nose into easy child and sister in law's business. And I won't even look at Travis' computer. He's been warned if he's doing anything illegal with it and the cops show up I'll be more than happy to direct them to his room. lol *he was stealing internet from the neighbors for a while because he was too lazy to connect with our network*

My Mom always acted so shocked when she discovered my sibs antics as teens. By the time it came to me.......as long as I went to school, went to work, and was in the house by cerfew.....she was happy. The rest she didn't want to know. Yeah, I think my difficult child brothers had worn her down by then. lol

I know you're worried about her, especially with the risk of disease. And I know sometimes the temptation to look can be overwhelming.....like passing a horrible accident.

I prefer ignorance as much as possible. It gets me thru the day.

((hugs))