standswithcourage
New Member
Has anyone on this board ever done an intervention with their difficult child? Was it successful? As a last resort I am considering it - we are considering this. Just wondered what anyone else has done. Thanks
Intervention anyone??????????
- Thread starter standswithcourage
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DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
I dont know that anyone has ever done a formal intervention. If you are interested then I would urge you to contact the tv show and see if they could help you because I think they are the only people that might possibly be able to step into your situation and get it under control and remove your son from the location. From what I understand they also provide counseling to the family as well. I dont think your immediate family just all coming together and acting like they do on the show would work.
You might also want to watch the show The Cleaner and get that guys name and read about him. It is based on a real man who has done this in real life. I have no idea if he still does it or not.
You might also want to watch the show The Cleaner and get that guys name and read about him. It is based on a real man who has done this in real life. I have no idea if he still does it or not.
Big Bad Kitty
lolcat
Simply put, if a few stints in jail did not straighten him up, an "intervention" from his parents (who cave in to his requests EVERY time) will likely not do a damn thing.
DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
BBK...that is why I suggested the tv show. I know there are private interventionists but I am sure they are expensive and I doubt Susan could afford them. I think the tv show comps all this for being on tv. Now whether or not her son would cooperate or not would remain to be seen. The biggest thing I have noticed on the show is that the addict normally is removed far far away from home and the ones who actually do well stay away from home.
everywoman
Well-Known Member
I did do an intervention on husband years ago. I had the help of a few friends who are counselors. It worked well. Susan, I know you want to fix your son. I so understand that. Really, I do. But you've got to see that he has to hit bottom first. He has to want help, and as long as you continue to enable, he won't. It would seem like after all he's done, he would have. Some are tough nuts to crack. An intervention won't work until you are really ready.
donna723
Well-Known Member
Another thing about the TV show ... they send them to what looks like extremely expensive rehab facilities for long periods of time. Susan, even if you did this, and even if he agreed to go (which I doubt), would you be able to pay for this treatment or would you have a source to get the funding to pay for it without going in to debt for the rest of your life? I agree, it's not as easy as it looks on TV - there's a lot more to it than what's shown on camera.
A reminder that part of an intervention is the family being quite firm on cutting all ties with the addict if he doesn't go into rehab. If you've been unable to follow through with this in the past, I'm not sure an intervention is worth the time and expense.
witzend
Well-Known Member
Is he still leaving on the 14th?
Do you have the money for an intervention? (You didn't have the $500 for bail, so...)
If he won't go, are you going to cut off all ties?
What does your Al-anon sponsor say?
What does your therapist say?
Why are you making this your problem when you promised that you would stop?
I suggest that if you didn't cave in on your ultimatums, it would be worth a thousand interventions.
IF YOU ALWAYS DO WHAT YOU ALWAYS DID, YOU'LL ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU ALWAYS GOT.
Get a clue, Susan. Intervention is trying to fix it for him. It's what you always do. It always fails. Please seek help from a professional about your problems letting him be a man.
Do you have the money for an intervention? (You didn't have the $500 for bail, so...)
If he won't go, are you going to cut off all ties?
What does your Al-anon sponsor say?
What does your therapist say?
Why are you making this your problem when you promised that you would stop?
I suggest that if you didn't cave in on your ultimatums, it would be worth a thousand interventions.
IF YOU ALWAYS DO WHAT YOU ALWAYS DID, YOU'LL ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU ALWAYS GOT.
Get a clue, Susan. Intervention is trying to fix it for him. It's what you always do. It always fails. Please seek help from a professional about your problems letting him be a man.
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BusynMember
Well-Known Member
There's really no point. He isn't going to cooperate. He knows you'll pick up his pieces again and he doesn't want to quit. He has you fussing over him no matter what he does and he knows you will never allow him to hit rock bottom. When you realize you can't help him, maybe then he will quit.
My 24 year old daughter who used to abuse drugs is visiting us this week. She is so straight and clean and well mannered and she's into "natural" remedies, won't even take a Tylenol. When I read your story, I'm so glad I had the courage to make her leave. If not, she could be your son. But we did it differently and her ending is much different too.
Sorry to be tough, but you are making things worse. JMO
My 24 year old daughter who used to abuse drugs is visiting us this week. She is so straight and clean and well mannered and she's into "natural" remedies, won't even take a Tylenol. When I read your story, I'm so glad I had the courage to make her leave. If not, she could be your son. But we did it differently and her ending is much different too.
Sorry to be tough, but you are making things worse. JMO
standswithcourage
New Member
Thanks all - I think this post is already exhausted. I got all the answers I need. Thanks.
meowbunny
New Member
Sorry, Suz, wasn't trying to insult you at all. I did send you a PM but feel you deserve a public apology as well. I thought we had all agreed to basically not give Stands advice anymore, just the platitudes we give our kids when we're trying to disengage but still let them know we're there. Since you are our moderator and, from what I remembered, were the one who basically came up with/agreed this idea, I was giving you credit. I apologize to you and anyone else who may have thought I was trying to insult you in any way, shape or form.
I just wanted to remind people that giving Stands advice is like spitting in the wind -- it blows right back in your face because she's going to do exactly what she wants whether our advice is what she wants to hear or not. (My guess is this time she wanted to hear us say no so that she can have a good excuse for him getting high and her taking him to wherever to get his drugs: Nothing's worked, people tell me not to bother with an intervention, I may as well help him get high, at least then I can control how much and what he takes. And, boy, do I really and truly hope I am wrong on this guess!)
katya02
Solace
Stands, may I suggest the book 'Don't Let Your Kids Kill You' by Charles Rubin? It's available on amazon if it isn't in your local bookstore. It focuses solely on parents and makes some very important points. The author has two children, both of whom have been drug addicts for years; one has gotten clean but didn't until he was totally on his own. Rubin tells of the years he spent taking responsibility, blaming himself, and second-guessing everything he'd ever done as a parent; he tells how his obsession with his sons' addictions wrecked his marriage, and how, finally, he began to pick up his own life again.
We can't make choices for our addicted kids; only they can. We can't control them. We can't try to mold them or our families to meet our expectations. They are individuals who are going to live their lives. We are also individuals who need to live our own lives.
My husband is finding this book helpful right now.
We can't make choices for our addicted kids; only they can. We can't control them. We can't try to mold them or our families to meet our expectations. They are individuals who are going to live their lives. We are also individuals who need to live our own lives.
My husband is finding this book helpful right now.
standswithcourage
New Member
Thanks - I will check into it.
scent of cedar
New Member
I think an intervention might be helpful for the family. Is there any way to shift the emphasis from how to help difficult child to how the family can present a united and supportive front for one another in the face of difficult child's addiction? You know ~ like, if difficult child is supposed to be on his own by such and such a date, how will the family support each other (and difficult child) as the date approaches and afterwards?
Everything was always such a shameful secret for us. It would have been helpful to have had the support of family through that time. The problem you get into though is that everyone always thinks you should do more. If they aren't willing to take difficult child on though (and they won't be), you can tell them that what you need from them now is their support in carrying out necessary actions which, however hard they will be, need to be taken.
Barbara
Everything was always such a shameful secret for us. It would have been helpful to have had the support of family through that time. The problem you get into though is that everyone always thinks you should do more. If they aren't willing to take difficult child on though (and they won't be), you can tell them that what you need from them now is their support in carrying out necessary actions which, however hard they will be, need to be taken.
Barbara
witzend
Well-Known Member
That's an interesting suggestion, Barbara. If the the goal of the intervention is for the family to work out a way to disengage from difficult child's addiction, would her difficult child not participate in it? I think intervention for Susan's son to participate in rehab of some sort is hopeless. But, it may very well be helpful to getting Susan and others in the family to disengage and let him find his own way. I would think that her difficult child would sabotage any effort to get the family not to be so actively involved in his problems.
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