It is what it is..

[mof]

So I have built something..not tangible though.

I have built the proverbial pile of resentment. See, our son is healing as he leaks the truth of some of his dark doings. Well, the truth may be freeing for him, but for me...it's just another hit. So I shovel it on the pile....I'm going to need a proverbial bulldozer to move it around.

How have things been? He is repairing his relationship with his brothers who turned 16 this week...one feels shame for what he did, the other much more Grace.

He continues to be part of the family...goes to therapy, continued care and such. Today he starts his job.

I left my job in part of dealing with man child and returning to being CEO of the house while hubby keeps us financially stable.

So what do I do with the pile I'm dragging around...Will some of it melt away? We love him and support him...he's funny and shows great hope...so why am I stuck?


I would never want to go back in time..I will never forget...and we never know what is to come.

All in all I know things could be so much worse...no addiction would be awesome, no mental health issues would be something I'd wish for everyone..but this is life and stuff it comes with.

So for now..it is what it is. Sending positive th o ought s to all of you..

 

[RN0441]

Mof

I believe time heals but you need to find a way to work through all of it. I don't think this magically just happens. And doing so not knowing what's around the corner/what the future holds.

It's harder for us as mothers to deal with the aftermath of what our DCs have done.

Take peace one day at a time.

 

[jetsam]

mof , of cours you have a pile! how could you not. All the lies,, manipulation, betrayal of trust...all the CRAP. Yes it will probably take a lot of time to get past it all..(in my case i imagine by the time hell freezes over) sorry needed the levity. .We have all built such emotional walls to keep the pain at bay so it is no wonder we have this pile we drag around. in my case its that nagging at the back of my brain questioning if anything he says is real..ever! i don't think i will ever get past it. Damn, I never signed up for this! Never imagined when i took my beautiful baby boy home that 29 years later i would be dealing with this dysfunctional man child... but alas , yes, it is what it is. My heart goes out to all of us struggling day to day. I wish all of us some peace.

 

[Albatross]

mof, I believe that rigorous honesty thing goes for us too. It is good you see and acknowledge that pile. I spent way too many years living under it, $#!+ covering the windows, and me wondering why it was so dark outside.

He's doing what he can and should, and that's all that can be done...but it doesn't mean things magically get all better and all is forgotten. Things just get better than they were when he was using.

Give it time. Each day's "good" stuff erodes the mountain of $#!+ a little bit.

 

[mof]

Just an update..not much to report.

Son works 30 hrs a week at a large retail chain. He has followed the rules..is respectful, basically back to where he was before use.

He will not talk about future..says he can't go that route. Psychiatrist is very pleased with his outcome and his medications work well for him.

I'm the problem!! It's hard for me to see him not plan for the future...but we still have a law issue and he has to buy his own car...so we have a long journey.

But...he looks so healthy..and many of you know what I mean. True sobriety looks good! We have struggled with mtgs...but have found NA recently in area, and will try that...AA has been not supportive in this area. Young recoverer don't seem to attend mtgs? Well..at least in our smaller city.

We have just hit the 8mos point...one day at a time, our son says we are all in recovery together....

 

[stressedmama]

MOF, it took a long time for your son to ruin your trust. It will take a long time to earn it back. It's been over 2 years and I still hold on to some of the resentment. It has eased-probably more so because I have almost no contact in the last year. Out of sight, out of mind. After 2 years of being in and out of rehabs, she was weeks away from graduating and bolted 2 days ago. I have no confidence anything good will come of it.

I admire your strength in allowing him back in your home. Step daughter is never allowed back in our home to stay. Maybe some short couple hour visits when the time is right. But I will not put her 5-year-old son, whom we have guardianship of, through any more heartache if I can help it.

I'm glad he's getting on the right track. Give yourself time to heal. You don't have to like him until you're ready!