It just keeps getting better

[Lucedaleblessed]

Just remember to keep the photos between you and her. Every system has its flaws. The wrong case worker and Connor could be removed. There are lot of caseworkers out there trying to cure the world and keep mother-child together. See to that you get the signature.

The addiction is a health-issue for your daughter alone. She is the only one to fix it and not even a child can tip the balance. People can sacrifice their families for beer and wine. Meth is so much more powerful. She has a long and hard battle before her and she cannot beat it without professional help.

 

[pasajes4]

You are a role model of the highest caliber.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

Thank you. I certainly don't feel like one. I am just trying to do anything and everything I can for that little boy. I was going to sleep train him this week but the daycare adjustment is enough for now. It triggered separation anxiety which he did not have before (but we were never separated - he has always been with a member of this family. Yesterday was his first day spending it somewhere new.). Last night I slept in the bed with him and he woke up several times reaching out for me to cuddle up.

husband and I decided we will let him get used to daycare first before sleeping alone. Thank GOD I have such an amazing husband who loves Connor as much as I do. <3 And thank GOD I have this board to keep me sane through all of this...I love you all...

 

[PatriotsGirl]

Just found out that her court date is December 5th...no idea what the judge is going to do. He can't possibly just let her go, right?

 

[pasajes4]

There is no telling. For the time being she is marinating in her own mess. Has she signed the papers?

 

[2much2recover]

What are the original charges and or sentence?

 

[PatriotsGirl]

I have the papers but I need to bring them to the jail for her to sign. I am so busy trying to get caught up at work right now. Last week put me really behind.

The original charges were disorderly conduct and affray.

 

[2much2recover]

Probably not enough to keep her in there for long. It's going to take some planning on your part because she will probably get time served. I would hop to getting those guardian papers signed!!!

 

[pasajes4]

She violated her probation. She may have to serve whatever time her probation covered. The known is DEC. 5th, and possibly later. Court dates get pushed around more than a broom in a dust storm.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

I don't know. The judge is hard. Real hard and he has NO sympathy for addicts. I should email him and ask him what he thinks he will do...I should at least email him and let him know about the pipe I found. That just goes to show how bad her issues are.

difficult child's PO had emailed him prior and asked for his advice on the failed drug test. She knew difficult child had turned herself around for the past two weeks so she was second guessing herself on the arrest. The judge told her that difficult child has to face the consequences of what she did and signed the arrest warrant. The PO is going to recommend residential rehab - but doesn't know if they can actually get her in one. We won't pay for it. We have our hands (and paychecks) full at the moment.

I will most definitely have the papers signed before she goes to court. After those are signed and the judge approves, she will need to file with the court to get it dissolved and then I will have the opportunity to object. We would then go to court for a hearing. No judge is going to give him back to her without some serious treatment and counselling first. She will have to prove that she can provide for and take care of that little boy and she cannot right now.

husband and I are over being angry. Now we are just shaking our heads agreeing that she needs serious, serious help. I hope she gets it. There is nothing I would hope for more than to see her turn it around and be a good mother. BUT, I am not going to count on that happening, either.

 

[BusynMember]

PG, just keep doing what you're doing and, for pete sake get those papers signed. Your daughter may have had a minor slip up. Really, believe it or not, slip ups are part of the healing process. She may surprise you.

I know you must wonder why we all admire you. I know I do because of your great love for that little boy and for your willingness to raise him until adulthood, if needed. And that love for Connor just sizzles right through your posts. To me, that is admirable.

 

[Lucedaleblessed]

Don't mail the judge. There is a risk that it would result in new charges and she need rehab, not prison. If the judge fail to understand that addicts are sick individuals and not just criminals, she might not get help if new charges are brought against her. I know that you don't want to end up on the streets and she cannot stay at your place if she is released but that is unfortunately the system.

Is there a shelter nearby she can be guided to just in case she is released? I know that you have a lot of things on your mind right now but if she is not guided in the right direction you might find her sleeping on the pavement in front of your house. That would end in the police being called and disturbances which could upset Connor. Talk with the PO about what to expect but don't mention the pipe.

 

[2much2recover]

My opinion is that you need to do whatever is necessary to keep her from getting her hands on Connor. Once she resumes her contact with him, she also resumes an avenue to manipulate you. I think you are headed in the right direction. You daughter, unfortunately is an addict and even if this is a so-called slip, she needs a huge wake up call, which is called hitting bottom. I think you have to be tougher in this situation than others might be because there is this innocent child involved and chances can't be given when we are talking about the effects of her behavior effecting his safety and well being. Before this slip, you were posting how you did not agree with some of the things which you felt were unsafe for Connor so now it is your chance to step up and really be the only chance for a safe and secure life for him at this point in time. I think her having to work her life out so that she has to earn the chance to show she is responsible enough to handle true mothering is the best shot you have of her trying to get and stay sober. Only AFTER she proves this over time should she resume being the caregiver for her son.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

I agree a million percent. There were other things I found up there while cleaning out the room. A few half open pocket knives on the floor that Connor could have gotten a hold of. There was a notebook in which she wrote if anything happened to her, that this person did it and then scribbled out the name. I mean, goodness, who knows what she was involved with!! I just feel so incredibly stupid for this all happening under MY roof! I feel stupid for ever trusting her again. She is a danger to that child right now.

I have loved this little boy with my whole heart since I found out he existed. I can't help but wonder if this is part of God's plan. Maybe I was meant to raise this little boy...

He seems to be doing just fine. He is getting used to his routine. We get up in the morning, get dressed, brush our teeth and eat breakfast before he goes to daycare. It is his third day and already he helps me in the mornings getting his shoes and jacket. He does freak out when I leave - all of this has triggered separation anxiety, which is a normal phase, but he didn't have it before all this happened. BUT, the babysitter sends me happy pictures after he calms down. He loves his bedroom and is getting used to sleeping up there. Last night I asked him if he was ready for night night and he took my hand and brought me to the stairs to go to his room. I woke up before him this morning and snuck downstairs to have coffee with husband. Connor slept another hour and a half and then I thought I heard him so I went upstairs. Little man was lying there awake drinking his bottle. He didn't cry or freak out waking up to no one there. So, I think we are getting closer to him sleeping alone at night which wil be very nice for husband and I to have our evenings together again.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

I went to see her today to have her sign the paper. Man, it is really hard to stay angry when you see them so broken. She is hurting. I can see that. She knows and understands that it is her actions that put her there and took Connor from her for the time being. She agrees that I should not bring him there - that it would not be good for him. She thanked me for everything we are doing for Connor. I told her - it is still up to her - she can do the work and earn him back. It is all up to her. Well, her and the judge. Maybe she should write the judge while in there. I'll give her that idea but I am not contacting him for her.

I am glad I went. It helped let the anger go. She needs help. I see now that she never had the tools in place to stay sober. She admitted that she relapsed when she got fired in the spring. I told her - that is the point of going to rehab and counseling - to get the tools to not relapse during the hard times. What would happen the next time things didn't go smoothly for her? She can't just turn back to self medicating. She needs to figure out why she doesn't love herself enough and fix that.

It was hard but I didn't cry as much as before. I did shed one tear leaving only because I can see her hurting.

She has absolutely no issue signing the paper - she knows we need it to care for him. The jail told me I could pick it up in the morning. I told her once she turns it around and does the work to earn him back, we will need to file with the court to have it dissolved.

This just hoovers. I'm more sad now that mad...she really did turn it around the past two weeks and admitted that she felt so much better taking her medications and not using. The difference with her was night and day so looking back, I know she relapsed when her personailty started changing. Too bad it was too late when she quit again...

 

[InsaneCdn]

Hugs. It IS hard... but I sense a glimmer of hope in your post.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

There is. She was clean for two weeks prior to going in and wants help. She made the decision to quit two weeks ago. Time will tell, though. This time, she will need to do the work - she needs to want it more than I want it for her. And because of Connor, I think she does. Meanwhile, she is grateful that I am putting Connor and his needs first. I firmly believes she needs to feel this pain - that I know. I just hate seeing it. None of us want to see our children hurting.

 

[Nancy]

I'm glad she is self reflecting PG. My concern is if she was clean for two weeks before her arrest and determined to turn her life around, why did she still have drug paraphernalia in her room? Just be careful. Addict are very sorry when they get caught. They have to prove they will change. Connor deserves to have a drug free parent. I know you know that.

 

[susiestar]

FYI, around here if a pipe, bong, foil, etc... has residue on it, you can be charged with possession in addition to charges for having paraphernalia. I don't know if all states or cities do this, but it does happen here.

I am sorry she relapsed. Let her deal with that, you protect Connor. He is clearly secure and feels safe and loved, or he would not have responded so well at the daycare.

 

[dstc_99]

Honestly as mad as I am at her right now for failing to stay clean I am even more angry with the courts for letting her out and into your home without the tools she needed. They should have known that sending her home with you would make her ineligible for the program they mandated. They should never have released her to home the first time. She should have gotten the care she was sentenced to and then maybe you wouldn't have this issue right now.

The system failed all of you. I am angry on your behalf.