It's A New Week, Mikey...How's It Going?

[skeeter]

Mikey -

Again - not to be beating up on you.....

I'm not sure what the "drug scene" is like in your area. In our area, however, there's a lot of collateral damage involving drugs.
Drive by and "targeted" shootings - they don't shoot to kill, just to warn. They shoot each other in the leg or buttocks.
Beatings - again - just to warn.
Robbery - we've actually had people call the police after they were robbed while buying drugs (DUH!).

The people supplying your son know where he lives. Are you willing to wait until some one gets it in their head to retaliate against your son for something by involving you, your home, or your easy child?

 

[DammitJanet]

Awww Mikey, Im sorry things are so bad between you and wife. The splitting goes on here too. There are times that it is me that is on the savior kick and other times its his dad.

I cant tell you how many times I have heard the old "I will change, I will be good, I will stop seeing my loser friends" routine. It doesnt last 24 hours.

Things will come to a head sooner or later. He will get caught doing something. Calling the cops on your own kid is one of the hardest things I ever did and I dont envy anyone who has to do it. Trying to get someone into rehab at his age or older is next to impossible if they arent begging to go. He can simply sign himself out when he wants to and end up right back home laughing at you.

I have watched drugs destroy families near me. So many deaths, accidents, lost lives. I know of 2 young adults that are either dead or permanently injured that live on my street that this happened to in the last 3 months. My son hung out with them his whole life. My own brother in law will never see his kids because Social Services has taken them away because of drugs.

I understand where both you and your wife are at. My son has stolen my car and my ATM card more times than I can count. I have called my husband countless times screaming at him to DO SOMETHING! Most of the time there is simply nothing we can do realistically. The law does tie your hands sometimes. Or we back down because we get tired. I didnt want my son to have a felony on his record when he first stole checks from me and wrote them when he was 16. He would have been charged as an adult and it would have been a felony even though he only wrote it for 20 bucks. I gave him another chance. My mistake probably.

He will have felonies now most likely if the courts do their jobs. Who really knows. I have detached as far as that goes. I cannot control him at all. If you guys think this stuff will stop when he hits 18, it wont. He will be arrested at some point. Few skate by.

None of this is easy. It is awful. We wanted so much more when we brought them home as little baby's.

 

[susiestar]

Hi Mikey!

I have just a couple of things to say, but knowing me I may ramble. Please be patient.

Go to a meeting. On a regular basis. You need this now more than ever. It is like being on an airplane, where they tell you if the oxygen masks come down put on your OWN, then your CHILD'S. If you are not taking care of YOU, then you cannot take care of anyone else. This is not one of those platitudes people say when they don't know what to say. It is TRUE.

I am the younger sis of a difficult child, recovering alcoholic. I spent MANY nights terrified of what my gfgbro would do. To me. What the awful people he brought around when our parents were not home might do to me. What he might force me to do for a 6 pack of beer. McWeedy is an addict. All that matters is his next fix. His sibs don't matter unless they can help him get his next fix.

There were nights I woke up to pounding on my window. The doors were locked and his windows were nailed shut. He threatened me with all sorts of things, including forcible drug use, to get me to do what he wanted or to justify his addictions.

I spent many nights crying, terrified that my parents would split up over my gfgbro. Growing up this way was hell. It made my dating life miserable because I was so scared to open up to anyone.

Your son is into harder things than my bro was. My gfgbro only took drugs if he was completely, blackout drunk. He was friends with people I worked with in college. I have never been so embarrassed as findign out the day after the Holdiay Party that my bro had been asked to leave. This was a Grateful Dead lovin, very 60's hippieish type place to work. At the time only 1 other person had EVER been asked to leave. At least I could say that I didn't invite my bro, someone else did.

How scared is your daughter to be seen in publicwith your difficult child, or even in public at all? If McWeedy's druggie friends know who she is she may be in trouble even if she is not with him.

Your marriage has to be a priority. You can't really do much for your son in China. I assume he chose to be there or is in the military. either way, he is also an adult.

You already know that trying to control everything is a behavior found in addicts (yes, alcoholics are addicts). How well did trying to control McWeedy with-o your wife's input work? Go to your church, or any church. Or a bunch of churches. Ask to talk to the priest, reverend, minister, rabbi, or grand poobah (no disrespect to any religion, just couldn't think of names of any other heads of churches). They can (and will) help with your marriage for little or no money.

If my mom had listened to me when I told her stuff (instead of telling me I had a vivid imagination), then maybe my bro would not have had felonies on his record. He was blessed enough to have them expunged in a deal made with the court.

I felt it was all MY fault. Now in my marriage I feel it is MY FAULT. I kicked our son out. Yes, he had problems, but I will NOT be beaten. Esp not by a child I carried in my body, went through the torture of labor, and loved with every fiber of my being. My husband worked an hour away. He said he could not control my son when he was not home. Truthfully, he didn't do much on that track when he was home. But he did keep the others safe while I dealt with difficult child.

My difficult child hid things in his siblings rooms. My gfgbro his awful things in my room, and in the much younger neighbor boy's clubhouse.

If your wife wants to talk to me, I will listen as well as talk. I have been the younger sister, the mother, and the victim of an addict. I have healed (mostly) through good therapy, hard work, and persistence.

No matter what else is happening, going to meetings will help you make everyone else feel safer. And there are AlaTeen programs, might help your daughter.

Hugs,


Susie