Someone sent me this link and I'm so glad to see that I am not alone in this. My 8 year old son has been diagnosed (after years of issues) with ODD, Anxiety Disorder, extreme Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and a Tic Disorder, with more to come. He also has an IQ of 132 and absolutely no conscience. I've fought for him for years and I'm tired of fighting. I'm a single mom who works full-time and feel like I'm going insane trying to juggle everything. He is evil. He bullies the other other children in school, is incredibly bright but refuses to do any work, and is horrendous at home. He just spent a week in the children's psychiatric ward and came home worse than ever. I hate living this way. There is no reason for him to be this way. We live a moderate but comfortable life, he's always been surrounded by love and kindness, yet he chooses to be this mean, petty, vindictive kid. And the docs said it IS a choice. So, why should I try??? I've reached the point where I don't even want him anymore.
You could be me. I feel everything that you are saying. I am almost certain that I am going to lose my mind. I have seriously considered suicide just to put an end to it. The only thing that gives me the strength to go on is my younger son. He is 6 years old and I could never leave him. My other son is 14 and this has been going on for so many years that I don't even remember what a normal life is like.
The frustration level is unbelievable. He has everything in the world going for him. He is good looking. Athletic. Funny and charming when he wants to be. His IQ is off of the charts. Until he decided that he wasn't going to do anymore school work, he was straight "A"s all though school. Last school year, he got 3 "F"s and was ineligible to play football this year because of it. Because he loves football so much, he decided to start doing his work again to make sure that he gets the grades to be eligible. Out of all of the trouble I have had out of him this year, his grades have remained stellar. Even though he has been suspended so many times that he is out of school more often that he is in it.
He gets in so much trouble for losing his temper, defying authority and arguing with adults. He has told me that he thinks he has an anger management problem and can't control himself. He has ADHD and generally refuses to take his medicine which would help him control himself.
Going to counseling is of no value. Since he either shuts down and won't talk or manipulates the provider by teling them what they want to hear and then laughing about it later.
The last therapist I took him to sent him out of the room and advised me to file an unruly petition against him.
He is going to high school next year and the high school coach has been keeping track of him. He had a long talk with him and told him that if he ends this school year in a poor discplinary status, even if he is straight "A"s , he won't be eligile to play. Guess who suddenly learned to control his temper at school?
At home is another matter. He is basically holding me and his little brother hostage to his will. He is big for his age and very strong. Almost 200 pounds. Much bigger than I am. He has simply decided that he will do whatever he wants to do and will do nothing that he doesn't want to. He has no respect for any adults, anyone's property or rights. All he cares about and all he thinks about is getting his own way. And he will do that at any cost.
I do not want him in my room, but he just picks the lock and goes in anyway, goes through my things, lounges in my bed watching TV. Whatever he wants, and when I come home and find that he has been in there, he just lies and starts yeling at me fror accusing him.
In fact any request, no matter how reasonable is met with yelling and a refusal to do it. I am just so tired of constantly fighting with him about every single thing.
If I tell him, he can't go somewhere, he just goes anyway. Adn when I punish him for disobeying me, he punishes me for punishing him.
By that I mean that he breaks things, burns things, hits his little brother. Anything he can think of to make me pay for punishing him. He has punched three holes in my wall because I took his TV away to punish him for something he did.
He has broken almost all of the family pictures I had on display. And I have removed all of the glass knickknacks because whenever he gets angry he breaks them.
He kicked my bedroom door in and broke it clean off the hinges because he was mad that I would not give him back his phone.
In addition, he does annoying things to try to make me let him do what he wants to do like throwing grapes at the wall making stains all over the paint, breaking all of the lightbulbs in the house, hiding things of mine. Urinating all over the toilet seat. Or just making so much racket that no one else in the house can get any peace if he doesn't get his way.
I dread coming home. I hate coming come. It is so unfair to my younger son. My older son and his antics take up so much of my time and energy. And when I am home, I am alternately depressed or angry. I am always irritable.
As I write this, he is out with his friends. I was supposed to go to New Orleans this weekend with my fiance, and my kids to go with my ex. My son flat out refused to go. He told me he has plans. My ex was furious and tried to get him to go. But he just refused. He said there was no way he was getting into the car with me to go.
I know him and I know he meant it. There is no way I can physically get him into the car and his father won't come out here and get him or come out here and stay with him. And there is no way I can leave him alone. So I had to cancel my trip at the last minute. And I am at home while he is out.
When I came home from work, he was gone. He called me and told me he was hanging out with friends and he would be home by 10:00. Just like the way he behaved was OK. he defied me and his father. Disrespected us both. Caused my fiance to lose money on the tickets he bought for the jazz festival. But since he got his way, everything is fine. He will come home in a great mood and when I light into him, he will start yeling at me like I am the one who is wrong.
Of course I took the modem so he can't use the phone or the internet. So when he gets home there will a major tantrum and no one will get any peace tonight.
I don't know how much longer I can live lile this. I have no support. His father will not step in. He will not take him. He will not help. He doesn't want the responsibility. And as furious as that makes me, I can understand. If I didn't have to deal with this **** every day, I wouldn't either.
I worry about him so much that at times I am literally sick with worry. If he could just get his act together, he could have such a great life. He is so intelligent that it takes my breath way at time. From infancy, everything he did, he did early and well. Learnings is effortless. He can talk more intelligently about politics and religion than most adults I know. He is a fabulous athlete. I am not well off by any means, but I have adequate resources to help him get through college and start out on his life. But the way he is behaving, he won't get there. When I say that to him, he just says of course he is going to college and I am just being negative.
There is no pain in the world like seeing someone you love that much willfully destroying his life. Watching what he is doing to himself is even worse than the reign of terror he is waging in our home.
I just keep feeling like there is something wrong that I am missing. Something that I could fix if I knew what it was. I know he is very spoiled and that is my fault. But that is not it. I also feel that he has no conscience. There is something missing in him. He only seems to care about himself. That is when I worry that I am raising a sociopath.
But every now and then, there will be a flicker of something in his eyes that will seem more empathetic. And I will see something in him other than the selfish disregard for everyone else that I usually see. Then I will have hope that there is goodness in him if I can just get it out.
I'm falling apart though. I am on so much anti depresant, anti anxiety medication that I feel embarassed picking up the prescriptions. None of Occupational Therapist (OT) helps. I don't sleep. I can't concentrate. I'm crying or screaming all of the time. I am a nervous wreck.
