I am not in touch with difficult child at all.
He hasn't contacted me - I have not contacted him. He's been gone for 2.5 weeks now. The ball is in his court. It is what it is.
I sent this letter to them 6 months ago. THEY LIVE DOWN THE STREET from us. H has extended himself to tthe dad more than once. I tried to contact the mom a few times in September. They completely ignore us.
The kids have been going out together for nearly 4 years. They knew my son was in therapy for substance abuse, he was with their daughter when he got the original drinking citation at age 16. She got one too, we all went to court together. It was a cordial, warm relationship. They came for dessert on Thanksgiving (2010) I hosted a joint family HS graduation party for the kids - we had many dinners together, met over vacation in FL one year. We know each others families-siblings, parents, etc. We've had many joint family dinners. When they would go out of town, their daughter would stay with us. (guest room of course) About a year ago, when their daughter decided to transfer schools to be with my son for the 11-12 school year, they contacted me to get my thoughts on it before they gave her the go-ahead.
He is not living with them. He is back at "school" though not actually in school because he was suspended for his 0.41 GPA. Her dad was helping him look for factory jobs in the blue collar town. How can any adult think it's OK for a kid to go back to his college town just to party when he has failed out of college? He's 19 not 25!
I guess I struggle because they MUST see how far my son has fallen - they KNOW US - I poured my heart out to them - THEY ARE ADULTS for crying out loud. And I am not going to try to contact them again. been there done that, have the tee shirt that says NO ANSWER. At the minimum - "got your letter, sorry things are so bad, but we don't want to get involved..."
Sometimes I wonder if they are his supplier.
(about difficult child's girlfriend - she is not a difficult child. She is overindulged - never had a curfew, got a car at 16, etc, etc, was not a great student, bit of a brat, dresses a little too sexy - but literally spent every day of the year at our house their junior & senior year and I adored her. She plays a little loose with the truth but I don't know that it was atypical for a teenage girl. Parents are a bit of the indulgent baby boomer type. I've heard the dad is a drinker, a friend told me she thinks he could be an alcoholic. I guess he regularly ties one on at country club parties. But I live in a gossipy burb )