Hey Jude, so sorry to hear of your continued troubles. Rough road we are all on here. Really, really rough. I remember how much my insides were full up with the insanity of it all. The key is to empty it out and let something else in.
This is your song, the "her" or the something, is peace, and love, and time, and healing, or whatever you need to help you through all of this. So let it out and let it in.
I do not know if it was my last encounter with my G-F-Gs (Gifts from God aka Difficult Adult Children), or, an accumulation of years of struggle, menopause,
- but I have finally reached the point of no return and numbness. I am....DONE.
The biggest, baddest red flag of "
holy
that is enough"
was looking at my 14 year old son
curled up in a fetal position ,
bawling his eyes out
with the frustration of it all.
What was dialed in, turned on, radar, focused on the craziness and trying to.... what do we call it...help?
All gone. Tuned out.
I said to the good Lord, "You have given me these two blessings and I can't for the life of me figure them out, so please Lord, take them, I give them back to you."
Whenever my thoughts turn to them, I say a very quick prayer. I have not seen or heard from them for two months now and I am not ashamed to say it has been....
peaceful.
I must say spending time here, sharing my story, thoughts, ideas, knowing there are others out there with similar trials, folks who have overcome, there are simply not enough words to express my gratitude for this site.
PEACE, so vital.....Which brings me to your post-
I'm just so mad because I'm left for the rest of what was a peaceful evening with my heart pounding... And will probably not sleep.
Difficult Child is 23 yo son. Diagnosed with Bi-Polar, daily pot smoker, habitual lier, master manipulator,
I don't know if my two have mental illnesses, after years of drug use, by now, they probably do. What they have in common with your son-
1.Adults
2.Drug Users
3.Habitual liars
4.Master manipulators.
They are like puppeteers and the strings they use on us, their mothers, are our heartstrings. It is difficult to cut those strings, but cut them I had to.
I had to let go and let God, because I have to be able to look into my 14 year old boys eyes and his future and be able to say that I did my darndest to make sure while he was under my care and my roof to make things right by him.
To make it better.
I pray for you in your situation, that you are able to focus on your two young ones.
You have given your 23 year old your all. He is still managing to manipulate you from jail. He is tugging at those mama heartstrings with all of his might to draw you into the dilemma he put himself in and rob you of your peace.
Peace is everything.
Of all the things I regret losing by my years of helping...nay, say enabling, is my peace, and my sons peace.
Then, topping the list right up there with peace.... is time.
Your son, like my two are just on loan to us from God or whatever higher power you look to. They have to find their way, and they have to learn that we are not there for them to step all over in the finding of it.
When our adult children are in dire straits,
it seems like the end of the world.
It is not.
There is hope.
They have to learn from the seeds they sow and the consequences they reap.
We do not have to allow them to keep us at the end of our ropes.
We have much more to live for.
Hey Jude, you have value, you have worth.
Find your peace, let it into your heart, under your skin.
Vent away dear and then.....make it better.
Leafy
You handled the call beautifully
