Just wanna cry

[Signorina]

Hey Elsie - nice to hear from you. I have been thinking about you.

Funny how our kids have never met yet are so much alike.

My difficult child laid it on thick when he finally confessed he had failed out of school. Got the biggest hug ever and I comforted him and told him things would be all right. I was so overjoyed to have my son back and to hear him say he loved me.

Then I paid of his bills and he became entitled all of a sudden. Talking about wanting the "rest of HIS money" and "his conditions for agreeing to live at home..." similar to your difficult child's "oh by the way"... And my difficult child tried to lay claim to his late grandfather's things...I am so glad I had H snag my late dad's navy blazer out of difficult child's closet before he packed.

How do you think your cousin will react when your difficult child calls him?

Stay strong dear friend

 

[Elsieshaye]

Thanks, Signorina! I'm not sure. I gave my cousin a heads up, but couched it as "difficult child wants to know my side of the family better, and may be emailing you." The property is in a foreign country, so lots of paperwork involving consulates, etc., and difficult child would be on the hook for 1) getting a passport, 2) buying a round-trip plane ticket, 3) figuring out how to eat and where to sleep. I have no problem if cousin is willing to host difficult child for a visit (although they live in a tiny apartment, have a baby almost a year old, and aren't wealthy by any means), but I am not going to contribute anything to it, or bail out difficult child (literally or metaphorically) if things don't go as planned. Cousin and I are the only ones in the family with actual jobs, so any potential mooching difficult child tries to do won't go very far. He's 18, and I'm done taking responsibility for how he appears to or acts toward other people. I'm sure if he asks for something weird or inappropriate, cousin will let me know. (It's not, unfortunately, like my son is the only weird or inappropriate family member. He reminds me a lot of my brother and another cousin, actually, right down to the felony conviction.)

 

[Elsieshaye]

Just for completeness' sake, wanted to post the response I got back from difficult child about the videos of his grandfather:

"Thanks and if you could transfer them to DVD in time for my 19th birthday. I would appreciate that as a present this year."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! It's like he expects me to tug my forelock and say "yessir. right away, sir." FFS. I don't think a response is required, do you? LOL

 

[CrazyinVA]

See, you CAN laugh about it! :-D It really sounds like this is a control thing for him ... even when you agree on something, he throws back the "terms" so that he's back in control (in his mind). Speaks volumes about his personality. Really, you're the one in control here. He can't accept that (yet?).

 

[Elsieshaye]

Yes, you're right, C. It's entirely based on control, and that is a big feature of his personality. He has to be in control, or feel that he is, regardless of what the actual impact is on him. Over and over again, he'd cut off his own nose to spite his face, just to prove he couldn't be controlled by someone else. His struggle to manage, not mine anymore.

 

[Star*]

And.........part of you goes ------"OH sure honey right away, and then sits in your chair, flips on the TV, remembers by-gone days of asking for simple, simple things of him after a long, long HARD days work of two jobs, and 110 degree heat in construction, and then your PT job....and you said "Son could you please for the `10000th time pick up your clothes?" and he says "Sure Mom!" and steps over them as you are trying to figure out HOW to cook dinner, pay bills, take a shower, clean up the kitchen because you got ABSOLUTELY no help from jungle boy, now out having MORE fun after a 'hard' day of school/detention where in he sat in a cafeteria, lauging and throwing spit wads at some other deviant until the bell rang while you were toiling away in the hot Southern heat, killing yourself."

Yeah - I'll get RIGHT.ON.THOSE.VIEDO to DVD things for you sonnnnnnnnnnn.....Just as soon as I pick up my own socks et al ad nauseum." (tosses spit wat at wall and chuckles)

 

[Star*]

Memories...................like the corners of my mind..............

 

[Elsieshaye]

Star, lololol!!! I need to cross-stitch that "I live in a fantasy world" smilie. (Hey, maybe THAT's what DS will be getting for his birthday, hahahaha!)

 

[Hound dog]

Elsie, you're doing great.

I had to laugh over the deed thing and the dvd deal. lol

((hugs))

 

[Signorina]

LOL

 

[trinityroyal]

Star, lololol!!! I need to cross-stitch that "I live in a fantasy world" smilie. (Hey, maybe THAT's what DS will be getting for his birthday, hahahaha!)

 

[ctmom05]

Responding to the very highs and the very lows as tho each is an emergency is tiring. It leaves you wondering if you are living your own life or theirs.

 

[Elsieshaye]

An update: I did hear from my cousin, the executor, about a week after the exchange with difficult child above. Apparently, difficult child wants to go to the family farm (in a foreign country) and "cultivate herbs" on my portion (the bit he wants deeded over to him). He wasn't euphemistic about it with my cousin either, and put it in writing (email). Cousin was calling me to find out WTH the deal was, and to get my permission to read DS the riot act about drug use/cultivation in foreign lands with truly scary criminal justice systems. No danger of him somehow magically agreeing to sign things over to DS, lol.

This morning, I got an email from difficult child asking for his birth certificate, and asking exactly what I told my cousin about why I kicked difficult child out. I let him know I'd be sending along the birth certificate, and totally ignored the other bit. Not interested in getting entangled in a discussion about why I'm wrong / deluded / manipulative / lying in regards to what happened in October, which is certainly what would happen if I told him that I told cousin it was for drug use and disrespect. "But I don't do drugs, ma." Yeah, in a pig's eye. His girlfriend makes oblique references to his drug use in most of her posts on his wall, or he does in his comments to her. Cousin is anti-drug, and told me he wasn't comfortable having difficult child visit him and his wife and baby if he was doing drugs or engaging in anything criminal, so he'd probably have to withdraw his invitation to difficult child. I told cousin to do whatever he felt he needed to, so if cousin emailed difficult child to that end, that's probably what's triggering the question. Sigh.

 

[Star*]

And we can blame them for recanting the invite? Sigh - I can't even farm my OUT for FREE labor on a real family ranch. I figured (somehwere in the recesses of my Footloose mind) gone wild......that life in the absolute freandiking middle of nowhere would be PRODUCTIVE and HELPFUL for Dude - gain some respect for REAL hard labor. Up at 4:30 - go to bed at midnight or later - and do that 5-6 days a week....then on the 7th do it but work in church for 3 hours.

Did anyone catch MY drift? nooooooooooo. They didn't back pedal - they back paddled. Back paddled so fast in fact -------I swear you would have thought someone said -
PADDLE FASTER......I HEAR BANJO music -

 

[Elsieshaye]

Oh, no, can't blame him at all. Why would he want to be responsible for some dumba$$ who is highly likely to need literal bailing out (assuming they even have that option in their court system), or might be high around his baby? Hells to the no! It's just frustrating that difficult child can't see that he's creating this himself - it's obviously my fault, in his mind. So glad he's 300 miles away.

 

[buddy]

YEA for cousin! You handled it yet again so yea for you too! I was wondering how that ended up. Can you even imagine??. Not knowing laws in other countries, what if they could take the land etc...based on his actions? Such a total lack of fore-thought or consideration of any consequences for anyone involved. Yikes.

 

[Star*]

Helltotheno........ROFLM GHETTO FABULOUS off.........YOU SO ROCK!

 

[Elsieshaye]

Buddy, you're right - I never thought of that. The consequences could go well beyond DS. Double dumba$$ on him.

Star, LOLOLOL!!!