Last Night The Devil Showed In My Dream,This Morning Heck Broke Lose

[Wiped Out]

First off big hugs!

I do agree that you need to do something for you and find some "me" time somehow, someway!

Sweetie-kids will say anything they can that they know will bother you. Seriously besides this place, I needed counseling to deal with that (and my son's violence). I know it is beyond difficult to not take things they say personally (and I am still not perfect at it) but you need to work on not taking it so personally.

by the way, as I was typing this my difficult child was swearing at me because he didn't like what I had to say. GRRR but...it's on him, not me (plus later when he is calmer we will talk and he will have a consequence).

I wish I had a magic wand and could wave your problems away. Sending some love your way.

 

[Confused]

Thanks for sharing Wiped but, things are on a roll here now. Going to sign the withdraw papers today( doesnt matter, shes out anyway too many missed days and she refuses to go) and going to the lawyers. So this is it. Its all my fault as they say and they will be perfect elsewhere. ...........................................

 

[BusynMember]

Confused, do not let educators make you feel bad. They are EDUCATORS, not psychologists. They don't know anything about the mind.

Hugs for your hurting heart.

 

[Confused]

Of course I feel bad about the educaters/doctors, family but what hurts the most is my own kids hate me and want to go... esp daughter. so thats y the lawyers... I cant fight them anymore they arent happy with me.

 

[nlj]

It's not "all your fault". That's just what us mothers are programmed to think.

Educators can drive me nuts. Many of the ones that I've come across are sanctimonious, self-satisfied and patronising.

Your daughter is unhappy about a lot of things. You are just the closest target for her to attack with all this unhappiness. She doesn't hate you, she just hates the mess she's in and probably can't see a solution for the way she feels. She's also of an age where she doesn't have any control over anything in her life - whereas you are old enough to make decisions and control the way your life is going.

You all need to make some big changes. You need to change your priorities and learn to say NO to these relatives who are draining you and this ex who is invading your family life. That's just a start, but every long journey starts with a single step, as the saying goes.

 

[BusynMember]

Therapy for you would be a GREAT GREAT start to finally having SOMEBODY in your corner!!! If you choose this option, there are free clinics in every county of the U.S. I think you'd feel more empowered with somebody on your side in real life. And, being the good person you are, I feel you deserve that.

 

[Confused]

No need for counseling, they are going with who they really want, who is the best parent ever. All of this IS my fault, sorry all and thanks

 

[Confused]

Ok, so shes withdrawn from school, getting airline tickets tomorrow...

 

[TerryJ2]

So, I'm a bit confused. Your daughter is flying alone to stay with which relative? And what about your son?

 

[dstc_99]

Where are you going? Are the children going? Whats up? We are worried about you.

 

[BusynMember]

So they are going to their dads just because THEY said he's a good parent, when they haven't lived with him?

Well, I have a different take on this than some. I don't know if Dad is safe, but IF HE IS SAFE then you have a well-dserved break from taking care of so many people and you can relax at least a little bit.

Now if he is NOT safe, this is another story.

We certainly ARE all worried about you, my friend. You've been here a long time. We have heard your story and every single one of us cares about your well being. Never forget you have us.

Sweetie, you need counseling no matter WHAT is going on. YOU matter. YOU need support and validation. YOU need help and, moreover, YOU DESERVE HELP. YOU MATTER A LOT.

 

[nlj]

kids dad is an alcoholic with violence and arrest record for the violence and DWI. He believes in the belt, bars, bringing kids to bars and some of his friends scare me about the age of the girls they like

You are putting the kids on a plane and sending them to live with this person?

What's going on?

 

[Confused]

Lets add to the fact that im in no mind frame or physical shape to care for grandpa and my dad trying to me me at fault for not going down. He wont go either yet why the is it my responsibility/ So Im being held reliable not my dad, his brother or his sister.. Grandpa refuses to eat anything from me, wont call or talk to me for days since that night. My sister is mad at me because I don't know how long she will have to live in this house before its sold..it was only really being kept for my kids. But again, im responsible. My aunt pressured me to telling her my plan and now the block will know by tonight, least everyone will be happy. I said some things I cant take back to my kids but in a way, its the truth and they felt like that already. Even though i just want to stay in bed and not do anything, i still have to care for everyone andp ets and and ..what the he is wrong with everyone else. so much more that theres no sense even talking about it anmyore...

take care thnks

 

[TerryJ2]

Hi Confused,
so your plan was to send both of your kids to their dad's? But you were going to surprise them? I'm still confused.

I don't know which night you mean, when you day that Grandpa won 't call or talk to you. The night you fought with-the kids and said things you thought you shouldn't have said? I thought he lived with you?

It's really none of the rest of the family's business, since they are of no help at all.
I wouldn't bother talking to much of anyone.
ESPECIALLY your dad, who expects YOU to take care of HIS dad? What am I missing?

Sounds like you're surrounded by jerks. I supposed when you collapse from exhaustion, they'll surround your hospital bed and blame you for that, too.

 

[TerryJ2]

Okay, I found this on the other thread, about their dad:
"Its ok,the reasons to start are hes an alcoholic, violent( even when not drinking- no never hit the kids..just women and male friends- but believes in the belt ..I stopped him with that issue before it started), hasnt been solid in the kids lives."

Fingers crossed. For all of you.

 

[BusynMember]

t's really none of the rest of the family's business, since they are of no help at all.
I wouldn't bother talking to much of anyone.
ESPECIALLY your dad, who expects YOU to take care of HIS dad? What am I missing?
Sounds like you're surrounded by jerks. I supposed when you collapse from exhaustion, they'll surround your hospital bed and blame you for that, too.

FINALLY! Somebody else says it too!!!!
It's none of their business what you do. Not like they help. And the one who does it all ALWAYS gets blamed if the ones who take advantage of her suddenly decides to make a move for her own life. YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR...WHAT...FIVE ADULTS???? There are other venues they can take to get care and I'll bet not one of them takes responsibility for their own problems. Who on earth made you responsible for them? And, yes, they are jerks. A bunch of adult difficult children. And I'd bet once she collapses, they'll be too busy angsting over their own selves to surround her bed, unless they are trying to make her get up.

Bravo, Terry!!!!

 

[pasajes4]

I don't even know what to say. Huge Hugs. Something has got to give.

 

[InsaneCdn]

It's none of their business what you do. Not like they help

Sometimes, you have to take the line that it's none of their business... even if they appear to want to help. Sometimes these people would love to "help" but the help would be a worst disaster than no help.

It's just plain none of their business.

 

[Confused]

My mind and body are just in a tornado rite now, so Im just mixed up. Been so sick I haven't barely been able to get out of bed. I realize I am having panic attacks, among other issues and I just dont know how much more I can take. Havent been down to care for grandpa( called old caretaker to help but she only came once so far, not today and im calling her for tomorrow too. ) and reason my dad cant/wont is because my dad is ill himself really bad at the moment with his legs in pain. But even before that they fought so bad he just limited his care for him. But yeah, still me after they fought. So thank you all for worrying, I wanted to give you updates as they happened.

So daughter has been refusing to eat because she says she does NOT want to go with her dad and told me she will eat when I tell her shes not going.( Only words beside" get out "spoken to me) She says if she goes with him she will run away. She told my dad she was willing to go to the public school close by, all day no matter. But she couldnt do 2 1/2hrs and no P.E but yet all of sudden she wants P.E. ( for years she wanted out of it) and stay all day, plus add she blamed me for her not able to go to school because I am not working, being fat, etc (I embarrass her). So how is her going to the nearby school here -living with me going to change, if its all my fault? Even online she cant hack because she lives with me? Our relationship will never be the same, I tried again to reach out to her and she yelled at me to "get out". I know things take time, and it never is the same, but my daughter holds a grudge and NEVER lets go, She has grudges over little things from years ago from, friends, family etc). Also she has missed more school and assignments then being in, and she now has to re-peat the 9th grade. If she does Keystone, she can just start and not have to repeat per say and "catch up".

My son is begging NOT to go with his dad either, his grades even picked up at school because another boy in the class tells him" hey do your work " all day when he notice my son starting to not pay attention! No one asked that boy to do that as far as I know, smart kid. My sons threats still are there, and today he had an hr rage which didnt help me or my dads health out. More damage to add the rest. Im so exhausted from these rages, now add daughter. I love my kids with my life. I dont know what to do anymore. Im so drained, so done, so hurt, so scared." I told my kids Im sorry for not working and other things that embarrass them, it does embarrass me too. Plus, I tried to handle them the best I could with all of our issues, and my son with his rages, besides my health, besides when I was in school, besides when I did look no one hired me, Im sorry for not understanding them or what I could do to help them/us. I cant change anything in the past no matter how hard I try and things makes me sad and I wish I did things differently."

 

[BusynMember]

Your kids don't really want to go.

I'd get out of Grandpa's and aunt's house (confused at whose house it is) and live YOUR life with YOUR kids and see if you can still have a good impact on them. Why keep caring for all these adults yet ship your kids to alcoholic father who hits is wives? He's going to get angry and hit them too one day.

You can go for therapy and learn to take a strong stand against the disrespect of your daughter. A lot of women don't work. I chose not the work so that my kids never had to see a babysitter or a daycare and none of them did. My kids were NOT ashamed of that...I was the "go to" house for fun, sandwiches, drives to practices, and some of the kids called me "mom." Fat? I was fat too at one time. So? Many mothers are. You don't drive? So? Your daughter is making excuses why to be angry at you...I think she is just angry, period. If she is an Aspie there is way too much chaos and angry people in her world plus she is a teenager. Your son needs a quiet environment too...too heal. Does Dad have a quiet environment? Will he take them for help? You are not getting good advice from your family. Who told you not to homeschool your daughter? Lots of kids don't fit into conventional school. Forcing her to go will not make her more social...it may make her more fearful. She needs to get some sort of professional help.

I hope you learn to drive, get a job, get out of Dodge, and worry about yourself and your children because you have WAY too many people treating you like a child, bossing your around, telling your wh at to do, and forbidding you to do anything you like to do just so that you will available to take care of their needs. That isn't being a good daughter/granddaughter/niece/sister...that is being a slave to all of them while the kids look on and talk to you the same way the others abuse you. I'd get rid of the others, not the kids.I know you think you can't do it alone. I didn't think I could either when I divorced my first husband. But I did it. I reached out for free counseling and free support groups because I had no money and no family support. A lot is out there if you want to use it.

I hope you realize that you are an adult and nobody can tell you what to do anymore. I understand the guilt and obligation feelings, but not to that many people a nd I don't understand sticking with Grandpa and your dad and your aunt and your sister yet not with your kids. To me, and in my opinion only, that is backwards. If you backed off...guess what?...they'd find ways to care for themselves.

But...wishing you the best and Good luck!!!!