late night conversations

[Big Bad Kitty]

DDD,

I usually agree with mist of what you say. in this case, I think you have oversimplified her issue.

I don't think Carolanne is abandoning her husband. I think she is taking a break, and letting him see what it is like to deal with a snotty teen day in and day out. And in my humble opinion, it is not a matter of him being incapable of doing it. He is refusing to even try.

She's not pushing or threatening him. Quite the opposite. She's walking away. And with good reason. She can't possibly take the lead in this situation. She reprimands her own daughter and in 2 seconds she has gotten away with it by the hands of her own father because he wants to be the good guy.

I don't blame you, Carolanne, one little bit for leaving for awhile. I hope you enjoy your time away.

 

[BusynMember]

Wow. Just...wow.

 

[carolanne]

I'm not walking out, just taking a break. It's not that he can't parent, it's that he won't and has said exactly that...he won't. Why? Because I am here....so if I am not here, it will either backfire on me or will give him some small insight into what I have had to deal with for the last two years while he has checked out and been an overly large kid playing computer games all day.

To some point, he's always been an uninvolved parent but always had my back in a crunch. But the last two years has changed him so much. He gave up after our difficult child and all that she put/is putting us through.

I've had surgery and he hasn't been there, I've gone through a funeral and he hasn't been there, I've gone through cancer and the resulting treatments(chemo) by myself...because he wasn't there...and it's all been by choice.

Because I have always had the strength/dtermination to get through anything that is thrown at me...not any more...I am battle weary and do not have the strength to fight alone anymore....

His sister agrees, he needs a major wakeup call....and losing me just might be what he needs to think is happening in order for him to realize what has been going on....

Carolanne

 

[DDD]

I misread your intentions and evidently also misread alot of the
posts. Sorry 'bout that. I did read (Evelyn Wood style) the whole thread and I got the impression that a bunch of people were
saying that you should dump him and move on. I'm glad I was wrong.

Of course you deserve a break. If the only way to get that break
is to leave him in charge...do it. I just know (yep, absolutely
know..not think) that there are alot of wonderful adult men who
can not overcome their childhood traumas. There marriages get to
high risk status when those horrible GFGish years hit. on the other hand, the
lifetime of a marraige includes many decades of "coupling" again
in the future. I'm on your team! DDD