Learning to let go

[Leana]

Still working thru this. I' feeling like my old self. Started doing yoga daily with my daughter which is really key for me. It helps with my stress and my body feels slow much better. Doing some woodworking with my husband as he is feeling better is able to do
some things he likes. Believe it or not, I'm
tileing about 150 square feet in my bathroom
by myself. Enjoying this feeling of getting things done. For the past year or so I started back smoking and I'm a stress smoker so I'm smoking all the time. I have to work on that now because it is suicide for a cancer survivor like myself. My son is depressed as he can't find a job. He has a master' degree a
a reckless endangerment minor charge on his record which is a black Mark. Well, he
could have gotten worse. Got him a book on getting a job after jail because even though he did not go to jail it stops him from getting
a good job. He was depressed about getting turned down and I just hold my breath. He has tried (pretty close each time) 3 or 4 times
to commit suicide. I have now decided if he does it I can no longer save him. It is a sad
feeling.

 

[marlboro]

The battle here is pretty typical of parents who have mentally ill children. My wife doesn’t like to use the term, but I have begun using it since it describes the reality.

At least in my case the daughter’s Borderline (BPD) is high functioning invisible. This means that she has trouble with personal relationships but can do fine in job situations, and she and her hubby are doing very very well financially. And the same goes for my NP son, who has a PhD in a science related area, and a very good job as a staff scientist at a famous university. BUT IT ALSO MEANS THAT NEITHER will ever get any help, and so nothing will ever change, and they will ruin their son too.

And so neither of are going down hill in that way. But their relationship with us is due to splitting, and we are now both the Great Satan’s who ruined their childhood.

You just have be aware that the nasty language is the illness talking, not them. YOU CAN LET GO. I HAVE. While i can accept some blame for their issues, due to my own struggles, none of it was malicious(I did the best I could), and I sure can’t control the genetics part.

Just tell yourself the reality: you did the best you could with what you had available, and remember that if you cild have done better, then you would have.

And get the bumper sticker for your car: WE CHILD PROOFED THE HOUSE, BUT THEY GOT IN ANYWAY!

 

[Leana]

Marlboro, Think it is hard to believe that they can be so smart yet so mentally ill.
It's like they have no common sense. My husband's brother was a thoracic surgeon at 21 years old, yet had zero common sense and a raging temper. He passed away at 35 in fire.
Tragic. They say there is a fine line.

So, I dropped some things off for my son, books and some clothes on my way to a bridal shower. His ex girlfriend faced timed him and was going to commit suicide by taking handfuls of pills which he witnessed. He was visibly shaken and upset. Think she wanted
him to come over. He instead called her family and she was furious at him. She is Borderline (BPD)
and this is her 2 suicide attempt in 3 months. They had to 302 her and took her in an ambulance. She accused him of lying til he sent her uncle the picture of her taking the pills. It was a 4 hour ordeal for her family with her locking herself in the bathroom, and on and on. I ended up sitting with my son til I knew she was in the psychiatric ward. We went out to eat and I just listened. No lectures, no you should do this or that. Just listened. He did the right thing and I'm proud of him for it. I see their relationship as toxic to both of them
I can only pray they part ways.

My relationship with my son has changed dramatically. He is learning to be responsible
for his choices. I'm no longer the clean-up manager.

Thanks for listening. Crazy thing is this posting helps. Sorta like an online journal.
Prayers for our children