if I bail her out, she will run and not make her next court date. I dont think she is grasping the severity of what is happening
If she does not grasp the severity of what is happening to her yet, do you believe it is reasonable to expect that she would understand what bail is, and what would be the consequences to you if she absconded, did not make her court date? Do you believe she comprehends let alone cares about the consequences to you, whatever they might be?
I believe it would be self-destructive of a parent to put up money in these circumstances. And it would be hurtful to the child, to enable her to run/to abscond/not to report. You would be putting the wind in her sails to do worse...to you and to herself.
This would further destroy your relationship and you would be responsible for helping her to destroy her life more. She is way better off where she is.
We all of us here, are wracked with guilt, fear and anger. We have become out of control..as we feel at the effect of the choices of our children. The purpose of this site, as I see it, one of them, is to recover ourselves. We cannot help our children. No matter how much we want to. But we can help ourselves.
Really. That she is mean to you when you don't do exactly what she says, is the least of it. What do you care? She is a brat who has gotten herself in a huge mess. The last thing she feels is responsible. Better to blame you. That'll work real good.
She's an immature, wild girl who has gotten herself in a world of hurt. You are her parent, not her friend. You have a role to play. Stand strong. Not allow her to mistreat you. Not help her to dig a bigger and deeper hole. Support her to face her situation and to act responsibly. You can do this.
We are all of us in these types of situations or have been. All of us want to help our kids out of their predicaments. We care about them. Yes. And we also want to extricate ourselves from the nightmares we find ourselves in. By controlling them. Or rescusing them. We believe that our salvation rests in them and their getting better. This is not true. Our way out is to do the right thing as parents, which means to not jump in the hole with them. And our way out is to center our lives in ourselves.
I hope you stay here. Posting helps. You will find here friendship, good counsel, support, and you will find yourself.
