COuld I have some input into my current dilemma?
As I said in an earlier post, I will have to leave my house in the near future as it is in foreclosure and the sheriff's sale is on 2/22. I MIGHT have a grace period of 60-75 days after that if nobody buys it, during which I can keep living in it.
I really am not factoring my older difficult child into the picture-he is still at my house and calling rehabs (so he says) and trying to get a drug and alcohol evaluation for his next court date on 2/9. I'm currently adopting the attitude that it's in the hands of the courts more thanit is in mine. AND in HIS hands! But I don't know how strong I'll be if things don't pan out and he is expecting to be moving out with me. It is clear to both of us that we need to be apart from each other, so that 's a start.
My problem now lies with my younger son-he will be 21 in March, is a "good " boy, works part time and intends to go to school. He is independent and self-starting. He has a bit of money saved, but not enough to support himself. He would be no problem to live with, just the two of us.
I got an offer from a colleague who has a two bedroom apartment on the second floor of his house. The rental price is right, he isn't going to check my credit score, I can pay the security deposit in increments. I can get my stuff out of storage and put it in the second bedroom, which will save me money. This is a stark contrast to the places we have looked at which want me to pay for both of us to have a credit check done (after which they might reject me anyway and I won't get that money back) and their higher rents don't usually include all the utilities.
The problem is my colleague only wants one person. I have told my son that I want to live by myself (though I felt TERRIBLE saying this-it took a lot of courage for me to say the words) and this is such a good deal. He understands and sees this as a good opportunity to cut the cord and start life on his own (even typing that makes me feels so guilty!) but he told me today that he can't see anything suitable, after searching on the internet for places. I told him I would contribute money to his rent and groceries until he gets more hours. Then he said he doesn't want to be too far from work (he works in a grocery store part time) and gave a couple of reasons why his going alone wouldn't be practical, like the distance from work-he has a car so I don't see why that is a problem-and he read a review of the only affordable one and the tenants said the apartments were cockroach infested.
I kind of feel manipulated at this point. If I could find something for him, I would probably be paying as much for 2 separate places as I would for a place for us together. But I feel that I want to start out fresh and would be paying for my freedom, in a sense. Would it be worth it? I think so.
How do I solve this? Am I being unreasonable in wanting this freedom? I have gone through SO much with my difficult child and want to cut the cord. But my younger one is the one I'd be able to live with...I think he feels he's being punished and that makes me feel selfish. I feel like I'm abandoning him and I'm not sure that doesn't see it that way, too. I don't know if he's making excuses because he doesn't want to be alone. I just keep feeling that I can't handle this-I have no idea of the outcome for my older difficult child and now the younger one is going to guilt me into doing something I don't want to do. My colleague wants an answer by Wednesday and the pressure is KILLING me.
Any advice?
