I haven't posted in ages - but lurk when times get tough with N* - who is biologically my niece. Until she turned 18 in June, I have been her guardian these last 11 years.
Six days after she turned 18, as a high school drop out (from delinquent day care high school, no less) who discontinued the Ritalin LA Rx without discussing it with anyone, including a doctor, with no job, no money, no cell phone (I took it away) no driver's license, no car and everything she could fit into her new (of 45 days) boyfriend's car, moved in with him and his mommy. His sperm donor is in prison for raping his sister. His sister got pregnant as a result, and his mommy convinced her daughter to give the baby to her to raise. She has three other children, one of whom is a special needs child. I live in an older suburban community - 50 year old ranch houses with neighbors who have lived here for decades. N* chose chaos - because there are no rules.
Ten weeks later, she came home to see her brother, and during the course of that week, she had sex with four different potential sperm donors (PSD). She got pregnant.
Boyfriend of 45 days doesn't want her back because she never got a job while living with him. He was tired of footing her expensive tastes, and wondering what she was doing when she wasn't with him. He was right to be suspicious.
I allowed N* to move back home before either of us knew she was pregnant. She had mono in early September (the week she got pregnant) and continued to feel awful. I noticed she stopped putting tampons in the trash after three weeks. At 5'3" and 105 lbs soaking wet, it was easy to spot when she started to put on weight. I waited. She told me at the end of October that she thought she might be pregnant, and didn't know who the father was - there could be three. I had her contact a crisis pregnancy center and arrange to see someone for a free pregnancy test and sonogram. The sonogram confirmed she was nine weeks along, and I thought that might actually narrow the list of PSDs, but no, she went from 3 to 4. Ugh.
Since she's 18, she's still covered on my insurance, so I had her contact the OB/GYN and make an appointment. She was told after her first doctor visit that she had a Urinary Tract Infection (UTI), and was given an Rx for an antibiotic - 21 pills for 3 times a day for a week. At the end of three weeks, there were 9 pills left in the bottle. She said they made her sick.
In early December, she called me at work complaining that her back hurt. I told her to take a warm shower and some Tylenol. She's pregnant - her back is going to hurt. Two hours later, she called me hysterically crying from the pain, and described what might have been appendicitis. I told her to call 911 (remember, no car to drive herself to hospital) and I left my office to go to the hospital. She called one of the PSDs who is in EMT training first. After arriving at the ER, they did a sonogram, blood and urine tests. They gave her 20 mg of morphine in 4 mg doses over six hours. Then told her she could not have any more. The pain was still awful, and a nurse, bless her heart, told her that labor would not be a cake walk. Turns out the Urinary Tract Infection (UTI) turned into a full blown kidney infection, and they kept her in the hospital for 36 hours hooked up to an IV with antibiotics and morphine.
At the next doctor appointment, her OB/GYN put her on an Rx for antibiotics for the duration of her pregnancy. After 30 days, there are still 11 pills left in the bottle.
She says she's keeping the baby, she says she's giving the baby up. I told her if she keeps the baby, she moves out. Parents raise their children and provide a home for them. My plans for the next 18 years do not include raising any more children, and certainly not with this girl. She re-enrolled in Delinquent Day Care High School this semester to get some of the "free stuff", and has gone only one day. Two nights ago when she got mad at me for not engaging in an argument with her about the EMT PSD, she attempted to hit me when I tried to close my bedroom door in front of her. She hit the door instead.
Today, she called me at work again because she doesn't feel good. She was up til 4:30 a.m. talking to someone on the phone. I told her to call the doctor herself - she was 18 and I was at work.
I've got to get back to work, so I'll post more later. I so understand you're frustration, anger and disgust with your child. I can barely look at mine. I do not blame the baby for the situation. That rests entirely with N* and one of the non-condom wearing PSDs. I'm praying for an adoption.
Six days after she turned 18, as a high school drop out (from delinquent day care high school, no less) who discontinued the Ritalin LA Rx without discussing it with anyone, including a doctor, with no job, no money, no cell phone (I took it away) no driver's license, no car and everything she could fit into her new (of 45 days) boyfriend's car, moved in with him and his mommy. His sperm donor is in prison for raping his sister. His sister got pregnant as a result, and his mommy convinced her daughter to give the baby to her to raise. She has three other children, one of whom is a special needs child. I live in an older suburban community - 50 year old ranch houses with neighbors who have lived here for decades. N* chose chaos - because there are no rules.
Ten weeks later, she came home to see her brother, and during the course of that week, she had sex with four different potential sperm donors (PSD). She got pregnant.
Boyfriend of 45 days doesn't want her back because she never got a job while living with him. He was tired of footing her expensive tastes, and wondering what she was doing when she wasn't with him. He was right to be suspicious.
I allowed N* to move back home before either of us knew she was pregnant. She had mono in early September (the week she got pregnant) and continued to feel awful. I noticed she stopped putting tampons in the trash after three weeks. At 5'3" and 105 lbs soaking wet, it was easy to spot when she started to put on weight. I waited. She told me at the end of October that she thought she might be pregnant, and didn't know who the father was - there could be three. I had her contact a crisis pregnancy center and arrange to see someone for a free pregnancy test and sonogram. The sonogram confirmed she was nine weeks along, and I thought that might actually narrow the list of PSDs, but no, she went from 3 to 4. Ugh.
Since she's 18, she's still covered on my insurance, so I had her contact the OB/GYN and make an appointment. She was told after her first doctor visit that she had a Urinary Tract Infection (UTI), and was given an Rx for an antibiotic - 21 pills for 3 times a day for a week. At the end of three weeks, there were 9 pills left in the bottle. She said they made her sick.
In early December, she called me at work complaining that her back hurt. I told her to take a warm shower and some Tylenol. She's pregnant - her back is going to hurt. Two hours later, she called me hysterically crying from the pain, and described what might have been appendicitis. I told her to call 911 (remember, no car to drive herself to hospital) and I left my office to go to the hospital. She called one of the PSDs who is in EMT training first. After arriving at the ER, they did a sonogram, blood and urine tests. They gave her 20 mg of morphine in 4 mg doses over six hours. Then told her she could not have any more. The pain was still awful, and a nurse, bless her heart, told her that labor would not be a cake walk. Turns out the Urinary Tract Infection (UTI) turned into a full blown kidney infection, and they kept her in the hospital for 36 hours hooked up to an IV with antibiotics and morphine.
At the next doctor appointment, her OB/GYN put her on an Rx for antibiotics for the duration of her pregnancy. After 30 days, there are still 11 pills left in the bottle.
She says she's keeping the baby, she says she's giving the baby up. I told her if she keeps the baby, she moves out. Parents raise their children and provide a home for them. My plans for the next 18 years do not include raising any more children, and certainly not with this girl. She re-enrolled in Delinquent Day Care High School this semester to get some of the "free stuff", and has gone only one day. Two nights ago when she got mad at me for not engaging in an argument with her about the EMT PSD, she attempted to hit me when I tried to close my bedroom door in front of her. She hit the door instead.
Today, she called me at work again because she doesn't feel good. She was up til 4:30 a.m. talking to someone on the phone. I told her to call the doctor herself - she was 18 and I was at work.
I've got to get back to work, so I'll post more later. I so understand you're frustration, anger and disgust with your child. I can barely look at mine. I do not blame the baby for the situation. That rests entirely with N* and one of the non-condom wearing PSDs. I'm praying for an adoption.
