Mini update

[tracyf551]

Well difficult child came by the house last night asking if "I" knew where any of his paystubs were from his last job. That was back in August and I never saw any of the paystubs. Here to find out he has to go to the magistrate office on Monday and needs proof of a job. Well he hasn't had a job since he walked out on the GOOD JOB he had in August. Then he had the nerve to ask me if I could take him. I said no cuz I have to work.
He says if he does have proof of a job and a way there they will put a warrant out for his arrest. I told him that is what I was trying tell him when he got picked up but he knew everything and didn't want to listen to me. MOM KNOWS NOTHING! So looking SOOOOOOOOOOO sad he goes back out the door.
I feel bad but I won't let him know that. I don't know what exactly will happen but I know I can't afford to help him when it comes to paying for a fine, we can hardly pay our house bills.

 

[Andy]

Can he go to his old job and ask for a W2 which he would need to file taxes? (Most places will have this available to be picked up or will mail them.) I don't know if that would have dates of employment or not. He can also request a letter from the employer stating the dates of him employment.

You are doing a great job of keeping this responsibility on him and not taking it on. You can give advise, but he has to do the actual work.

 

[tracyf551]

I told him to go to his old job but he again knows it all and says they wouldn't give him anything. ONCE AGAIN HE DIDN'T EVEN TRY. he wants someone to do it for him. Well it won't be me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[everywoman]

You did good. He has to face the consequences of his choices to learn. Keep hanging on. It is easy to do when you are still angry at his choices. Not so easy when you start to feel sorry for him.

 

[Andy]

Stick to your guns! You are doing GREAT!

One of my biggest pet peeve with my kids (mostly non-easy child diva) is when she won't take my advice but then keeps pushing hoping I will give her words of wisdom that she doesn't mind doing or better yet take it over myself. I just tell her not to even bring up the subject again unless she can prove to me that she tried my first idea. "Mom....." "No, you know my answer. It is not going to change."

Why can our kids not trust us? That is how I have felt ever since non-easy child diva was born. If she would only do what I ask of her than her life would be oh so much easier but she seems to think she has to prove me wrong at every step and to do that she can't follow my input which might prove right once in a while.

I am sharing in your frustration.

 

[katya02]

Will proof of a job held last August and then quit actually even be what he needs? It sounds a little more like he might need proof of a current job ...? Possibly a probation condition? Whatever the case, good for you for staying detached and letting the responsibility rest where it should. If your son can get himself from place to place on a daily basis, he can surely figure out how to get to court even if he has to walk.

The refusal to take any suggestions is sooo familiar. Arrgh. I also offer only one suggestion, if that, and then drop the topic. More often these days I try to stay right out of difficult child's dilemmas, since he tells me things not to really ask my opinion, but to try to lay blame and responsibility on me.

 

[Suz]

I expect Katya is correct that he needs proof of having a job now, not at some point in the past.

Tracy, your son sounds like so many of the rest of ours- the school of hard knocks is the only thing that teaches them anything.

sigh.

Suz

 

[tracyf551]

Yes, I do beleive he needs proof of a current job and thats what I told him. A job held back in August is not going to help him. But I don't know what I am talking about as usual.
I am sure he will be by here tomorrow looking so sad. but I won't be able to help him then either.