Elsi
Well-Known Member
Laura, I am so sorry for your for your pain. It is so hard watching our children destroy themselves. I almost lost N before his recovery in prison, and S and C are still off the rails. Prison (real time, not just a night in the drunk tank or a couple weeks awaiting trial) was the ‘wakeup call’ for N. I am still waiting for the wakeup call for the other two.
Like you, I wonder what it will take. They’ve both lost everything, too, from a material sense. They have repeatedly left things behind, lost or abandoned them through a series of couch surfing arrangements and stints of homelessness. They are near skeletal and aging before their time. I have reason to believe S is trading sex for drugs - or possibly being pimped out by the current ‘roommate/boyfriend’. It kills me.
I think sometimes focusing on taking care of ourselves he only thing we can do. I have to stay involved from a distance, offering love but not material support, keeping communication lines open but not letting myself get sucked into the daily drama. I do get sucked in when it looks like they are making moves towards recovery, and I get my hopes up. How can we not? I still hold out hope. But I’m learning not to pin too much of my well-being on that hope.
I think it’s good that you are setting boundaries. I freelance from home as well, and I know what it’s like when our kids (and others) assume it’s not a ‘real’ job and therefore we must always be available. I’ve finally broken mine of that assumption.
I hope you find some nice things to do for yourself today, and are able to put the worry on the back burner for a bit. I know it’s never really gone, but the truth is we have no control over the decisions they make or whether or not they will be successful in their attempts at sobriety. It’s not easy to be in that position. We feel like there should be something we are doing to make it better. But it is truly out of our hands.
Hugs to you.
Like you, I wonder what it will take. They’ve both lost everything, too, from a material sense. They have repeatedly left things behind, lost or abandoned them through a series of couch surfing arrangements and stints of homelessness. They are near skeletal and aging before their time. I have reason to believe S is trading sex for drugs - or possibly being pimped out by the current ‘roommate/boyfriend’. It kills me.
I think sometimes focusing on taking care of ourselves he only thing we can do. I have to stay involved from a distance, offering love but not material support, keeping communication lines open but not letting myself get sucked into the daily drama. I do get sucked in when it looks like they are making moves towards recovery, and I get my hopes up. How can we not? I still hold out hope. But I’m learning not to pin too much of my well-being on that hope.
I think it’s good that you are setting boundaries. I freelance from home as well, and I know what it’s like when our kids (and others) assume it’s not a ‘real’ job and therefore we must always be available. I’ve finally broken mine of that assumption.
I hope you find some nice things to do for yourself today, and are able to put the worry on the back burner for a bit. I know it’s never really gone, but the truth is we have no control over the decisions they make or whether or not they will be successful in their attempts at sobriety. It’s not easy to be in that position. We feel like there should be something we are doing to make it better. But it is truly out of our hands.
Hugs to you.
