My 25 year old daughter lives with me and is a complete brat. When she was a child we got along great. I worked full time but always attended school functions, made sure she and her younger brother were in extracurricular activities, I was both their girl scout and boy scout leaders, had sleep overs, did activities and crafts, went on vacations, spent time with our extended families. We were a very typical middle-class family.
My ex-husband, their father, was abusive to our son and we eventually divorced when she was 13 and he was 9. To my husband, our son could do nothing right, "why couldn't he be more like his sister" who always behaved and got good grades. To date, my son has both emotional and mental health issues because of the abuse.
After the divorce is when things began to get worse between my daughter and I. Their dad saw them occasionally but I was their primary caregiver. He was too busy drinking, partying, and traveling for them.
Money was tight and my kids never had brand name items but we did things together and I told them every day I loved them. To this day, they both live with me and I still tell them I love them every day.
When my daughter was 18 and my son was 14 we moved into my boyfriends house. It was quite a step up from what we were used to as his income was significantly higher than mine. He had a daughter that was 15 and was extremely spoiled - $200 jeans, destroyed or lost her iPhones were constantly replaced without consequences, she slept around with everyone in school, and she would swear at her dad and call him a "f*ing d**k". She took clothes, jewelry and other things from my daughters room and even mine. She had 12 points on her license and a totaled car - her punishment was another car. She was handed everything and my kids had to earn things. They paid their portion of their cell phone bill and auto insurance. The step-daughter paid nothing. Our parenting styles were completely different and as you can imagine this put an incredible strain on the entire household.
At 18, the step-daughter began stripping at clubs, drinking, doing drugs, and had some involvement with the police. The last round with the police was a criminal case that went on for 13 months, had her car impounded (which it's still there) and could have landed her in prison for many, many years. The case was dropped a couple weeks ago. Of course, dad paid the attorney, tethers, probation, and counseling fees totaling $20,000. He put her through beauty at $21,000 and she decided against it - she didn't even pass the exam to get her license. A month ago we learned she was pregnant from her boss who is married with 5 kids. She quit her job. No worries - dad is supporting her and just bought her a 2016 SUV.
Don't get me wrong, the dad is a great person but he cannot handle conflict and gives in. Through all these years we discussed the problems but he could not get his daughter to conform so we could live peacefully as a family. My daughter blames me because I "let" this go on. I can assure you I didn't allow it and it became such a problem that my relationship with my daughter was practically destroyed and my relationship with my fiance' was non-existent. I had an affair which then created more problems between everyone. My kids no longer talked to me and only talked to my fiance'. The step-daughter was sent to live with her mom. After 6 months of conflict, I told my fiance' we were moving out. We would continue to see each but I needed to fix my relationship with my kids.
We have been in our own place for 2 months now. The first couple weeks were good but now my daughter is snotty to me again. She says I never validate her feelings, don't include her in anything and always think of her as an afterthought. Her example is we are going to visit my niece who is in town for the day. I told her 1 1/2 weeks in advance yet when I reminded her and said the plans haven't been finalized she was mad at me because I am not taking into consideration whether this works for her. My niece will be available tonight for 4 hours of visiting. I didn't plan the event and I am a guest like everyone else. This isn't about my daughter - it's about visiting her cousin. My step-daughter is not invited because of my daughter's dislike and anger toward her. The step-daughter feels hurt because she is left out and since going through this court experience and being pregnant she is really trying to do the right thing. She even apologized to my daughter and tried to fix things with her but my daughter refused.
This weekend was my daughter's boyfriends birthday. She wanted the perfect cake and was going to order it so it had the design she wanted. It wouldn't be the type of cake he wanted however. I suggested the multi-layer chocolate cake from Costco, which was exactly what he wanted and to get a rice paper emblem for the top. She was thrilled with the idea. I made the design for her. She loved it. The cake store had a problem printing it in the correct color. We went to another cake store and she wasn't happy with them either. I was able to make it work exactly how she wanted it and spent alot of time working on this so it would be perfect. Was she happy? No, it was all my fault for suggesting the cake in the first place. When I told her it looked great she shrugged. When his family beamed about how awesome and nice the cake was she remained quiet. She practically ignored me through the dinner.
I have been working over 50 hours a week and she is now accusing me of sleeping around instead of working. I've pulled overnighter's and worked 16-20 hours straight and offered for her to come to my work to see how far behind I am and that I could really use the help. Two weeks ago I told her if she plans to live in my house she needs to be respectful. I told her I do not need to justify my actions to her. I am working hard to put a roof over our heads. This past week has been pure hell and I am tired of it.
Today, she told my boyfriend (I gave him back his rings) that we are to blame for her and Megan's issues and as soon as she finds a better job she is moving out. I know her and her boyfriend are saving for a house which I am very supportive of but I cannot tolerate the disrespect. I am planning on telling her that she needs to find another place to live and give her either 30 or 60 days.
I've never used a blog before and am hoping for some insight. I love my daughter very much and don't want to lose her but cannot continue to allow or tolerate the disrespect. Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated!
My ex-husband, their father, was abusive to our son and we eventually divorced when she was 13 and he was 9. To my husband, our son could do nothing right, "why couldn't he be more like his sister" who always behaved and got good grades. To date, my son has both emotional and mental health issues because of the abuse.
After the divorce is when things began to get worse between my daughter and I. Their dad saw them occasionally but I was their primary caregiver. He was too busy drinking, partying, and traveling for them.
Money was tight and my kids never had brand name items but we did things together and I told them every day I loved them. To this day, they both live with me and I still tell them I love them every day.
When my daughter was 18 and my son was 14 we moved into my boyfriends house. It was quite a step up from what we were used to as his income was significantly higher than mine. He had a daughter that was 15 and was extremely spoiled - $200 jeans, destroyed or lost her iPhones were constantly replaced without consequences, she slept around with everyone in school, and she would swear at her dad and call him a "f*ing d**k". She took clothes, jewelry and other things from my daughters room and even mine. She had 12 points on her license and a totaled car - her punishment was another car. She was handed everything and my kids had to earn things. They paid their portion of their cell phone bill and auto insurance. The step-daughter paid nothing. Our parenting styles were completely different and as you can imagine this put an incredible strain on the entire household.
At 18, the step-daughter began stripping at clubs, drinking, doing drugs, and had some involvement with the police. The last round with the police was a criminal case that went on for 13 months, had her car impounded (which it's still there) and could have landed her in prison for many, many years. The case was dropped a couple weeks ago. Of course, dad paid the attorney, tethers, probation, and counseling fees totaling $20,000. He put her through beauty at $21,000 and she decided against it - she didn't even pass the exam to get her license. A month ago we learned she was pregnant from her boss who is married with 5 kids. She quit her job. No worries - dad is supporting her and just bought her a 2016 SUV.
Don't get me wrong, the dad is a great person but he cannot handle conflict and gives in. Through all these years we discussed the problems but he could not get his daughter to conform so we could live peacefully as a family. My daughter blames me because I "let" this go on. I can assure you I didn't allow it and it became such a problem that my relationship with my daughter was practically destroyed and my relationship with my fiance' was non-existent. I had an affair which then created more problems between everyone. My kids no longer talked to me and only talked to my fiance'. The step-daughter was sent to live with her mom. After 6 months of conflict, I told my fiance' we were moving out. We would continue to see each but I needed to fix my relationship with my kids.
We have been in our own place for 2 months now. The first couple weeks were good but now my daughter is snotty to me again. She says I never validate her feelings, don't include her in anything and always think of her as an afterthought. Her example is we are going to visit my niece who is in town for the day. I told her 1 1/2 weeks in advance yet when I reminded her and said the plans haven't been finalized she was mad at me because I am not taking into consideration whether this works for her. My niece will be available tonight for 4 hours of visiting. I didn't plan the event and I am a guest like everyone else. This isn't about my daughter - it's about visiting her cousin. My step-daughter is not invited because of my daughter's dislike and anger toward her. The step-daughter feels hurt because she is left out and since going through this court experience and being pregnant she is really trying to do the right thing. She even apologized to my daughter and tried to fix things with her but my daughter refused.
This weekend was my daughter's boyfriends birthday. She wanted the perfect cake and was going to order it so it had the design she wanted. It wouldn't be the type of cake he wanted however. I suggested the multi-layer chocolate cake from Costco, which was exactly what he wanted and to get a rice paper emblem for the top. She was thrilled with the idea. I made the design for her. She loved it. The cake store had a problem printing it in the correct color. We went to another cake store and she wasn't happy with them either. I was able to make it work exactly how she wanted it and spent alot of time working on this so it would be perfect. Was she happy? No, it was all my fault for suggesting the cake in the first place. When I told her it looked great she shrugged. When his family beamed about how awesome and nice the cake was she remained quiet. She practically ignored me through the dinner.
I have been working over 50 hours a week and she is now accusing me of sleeping around instead of working. I've pulled overnighter's and worked 16-20 hours straight and offered for her to come to my work to see how far behind I am and that I could really use the help. Two weeks ago I told her if she plans to live in my house she needs to be respectful. I told her I do not need to justify my actions to her. I am working hard to put a roof over our heads. This past week has been pure hell and I am tired of it.
Today, she told my boyfriend (I gave him back his rings) that we are to blame for her and Megan's issues and as soon as she finds a better job she is moving out. I know her and her boyfriend are saving for a house which I am very supportive of but I cannot tolerate the disrespect. I am planning on telling her that she needs to find another place to live and give her either 30 or 60 days.
I've never used a blog before and am hoping for some insight. I love my daughter very much and don't want to lose her but cannot continue to allow or tolerate the disrespect. Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated!
