My brother died

[Lioness]

S

Two weeks ago my world turned upside down. My brother passed away very suddenly and I'm beyond crushed. I still can't believe he's gone. I've been on a roller coaster of emotions. Some days have been good but most days have been unbearable. I have to keep it together bc I have a family to take care of and a job to go to but it's so exhausting pretending that everything is ok when inside I'm falling apart. My mom passed away suddenly 10 years ago so I'm an expert at dealing with grief but I'm having a particularly hard time dealing with the fact that my funny, sweet, handsome big brother is gone from this world forever. It's just not fair.

I know this post doesn't relate to my Difficult Child but this board and all of you on it have been my rocks in the past so I figured maybe you wouldn't mind lending me some much needed support.

My brother was a Difficult Child in his own way. Battled depression and substance abuse during most of his teen and adult years but he was his own worst enemy. He never hurt anyone else. To everyone else he was kind, gentle, protective, always made people laugh and feel at ease. He was truly a kind soul.

We don't know the cause of death yet. We are waiting for toxicology reports but I strongly suspect that report will give us the answers we are looking for although it won't matter at that point what the report says. Nothing will change the fact that he's gone.

Have any of you dealt with the sudden loss of a loved one? I need some support from people who truly understand what absolute hell on earth this is.

I'm so sorry I have no words of wisdom just want to say Iam very sorry for your loss. Will have you in my prayers. Hugs

 

[FlowerGarden]

Sorry for your loss.

 

[Tanya M]

JKF, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mother suddenly 17 years ago. She died two days after turning 65. I have learned that when we lose someone we do not "get over it" but we can get through it. Allow yourself the time to feel the emotions and embrace them. The pain we feel is testimony to the love we still have and will always have for the one who is gone.
While it can be difficult it is good to get back into a routine.
Losing a loved one is heartbreaking and it adds another layer to who we are.
Holding you in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[wakeupcall]

JKF, how are you doing today?

 

[Scent of Cedar *]

JKF, I am here, too.

Cedar

 

[Childofmine]

Oh JKF I am so sorry. You've already been through so much. I mean---Really??? I am just so sorry. I know that doesn't matter---how much we have been through---in terms of what comes next in our lives, but...

In any event, that was my first thought after reading your post.

I lost my godmother suddenly---She died of a heart attack when she was in her 60s. She was one person in my life who just loved me unconditionally and her death was such a loss. I will never forget my husband opening the bathroom door---I was taking my nightly bubble bath, and he came in there to tell me. I felt so vulnerable already, in the bathtub, and then that. Somehow I think if I had been dressed it would have been easier to hear. I was literally stripped naked emotionally as well, in an instant. My sister, my mother and I flew to her funeral and spent time with her son and grandchildren there. Everyone loved her so much. She was such a giving person.

For me, her death left a void in my life. I always knew she was there, even if I didn't see her all the time. She loved hearing from me and was always ready to listen. She thought I was great! ) It's so good to have at least one or two people like her in our lives who just love us to much.

I'm so sorry about your brother. I have one brother and one sister. My other sister died when she was 23 after a lifelong genetic illness. We had a lot of time to prepare and it was a huge loss. That was 30 years ago.

My best thought is this: just give yourself lots of time to grieve. However much you need. Give yourself time in the day to lie down and cry. It is so healing to feel our feelings and just sit with our feelings. I hope you will honor him and yourself by giving yourself this gift of time.

We're here for you. We care. Lots of hugs today.

 

[TerryJ2]

how are you doing today?

 

[1905]

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your beloved brother. My brother committed suicide 2 years ago. We were not close, but I am forever saddened. I came here and posted on this board right after hearing the news, I couldn't even function. It does get easier with time, in a few weeks you will feel better even though you will be sad. I am so very sorry. My brother was a Marine, I'll always be so proud of him. Think of the good times.

 

[blackgnat]

I want to add my condolences to all the others for your brother's death. My brother died 17 years ago-he was a paranoid schizophrenic who had had a pretty miserable life, so that made me wonder what it had all been about, but on another level it was a relief that he was no longer suffering...

When my mother died, I went to a bereavement group and it did help somewhat. I'm sure you are in shock and pain because of your loss and I am sending love and sympathy to you and your family.