My mommy Gut is telling me something is up...

[hearts and roses]

You know when your motherly instinct starts whispering in your ear...doesn't really have a definitive 'something' to say, but it's just sort of nudging at you?

I know something is up with difficult child but I don't know what yet. I have some suspicions but I can't nail it down. It most definitely involves a guy, that much is easy to guess.

She's been on a steady upswing for about a week or so. Today she went out job hunting - crazy like, hit just about every store in town, even those she hates.

I can just feel it in my gut, every bone in my body is telling she is up to something she knows we would not approve of. Guess we'll just have to wait it out and see. At almost 18 it's hard to keep constant tabs on her but I'm going to try.

 

[Hound dog]

Jo

Yep. I listen to my instincts, too. Worst case senerio is that you could be wrong, but with our difficult children that's usually a good thing.

I'm sure you'll probably discover what "it" is eventually. Hopefully it's just some mature motivation kicking in.

Hugs

 

[Suz]

I hate those gut instinct feelings because they are almost always right. I hope it's not too terrible, Jo.

Suz

 

[WhymeMom?]

Yep, I hate it when those feelings come over me, but they are usually right.....just waiting with you till "all is revealed"....

 

[KFld]

My mommy instinct was always right. Follow your gut and keep your eyes and ears open at all times.

 

[Sunlight]

yep, intuition is a big nagger of me too. hope it pans out good.

 

[hearts and roses]

Well, my mommy gut was right. difficult child called me last night from a strange to me boy's (N) house at 11PM and started with, "Im not gonna lie, I've been drinking". Bwaaahaaaa - She had some beer and told me she was at her other friend's house (who I do know) and was just going to sleep over! Again, Bwaaahaaaa!! In that instant, it all came together for me and I stated that I knew she was at N's house and not C's house. She stopped cold and waited. I told her that if she was at C's house, let me talk to his mom, who I have met once.

She then changed her story to, "okay, so you're going to ground me for this, but I'm not at C's house, I'm at..." and I finished with "N's house". Silence again. Then she said she would just drive home when I said I was coming to get her.

Again, Bwaaahaahaaaa! I said no, to go lock her car and wait for me. I went there and met N on his patio. I told him that I could have him arrested for serving alcohol to a minor and he stopped dead (he actually was as polite as one could be while talking on his cell while talking with an angry mom). He just got from boot camp for the Navy and I told him that the armed forces would not take him with a mark on his record. That's when I think he may have messed in his pants a little. Then I told him that I would have liked to meet him under different circumstances and to please go fetch my daughter so I could bring her home...we'd get her car in the morning. difficult child and I drove him in virtual silence and this morning I woke her up at 7 to pick up her car. On the way there she said, "So, I'm convinced that I cannot drink alcohol at all now". Well, duh. She lost her car keys. I don't know what else to do.

I think back to my teens and I know that I was doing what everyone else was doing and that included drinking with friends. We did other stuff, but we were also drinking at 17/18. On the one hand, I just think it's typical teen stuff, but on the other hand, the drinking age is up to 21 now and she's hanging with losers who all they do is play beer pong and nothing else. So, it's a dangerous path to go down for her. Add to that she's on medications and she's likely BiPolar (BP). Anyway, I am so glad I have such strong intution, but sometimes I wish I could just go on vacation from it. LOL. But this is her thing and I told her as long as she continues to hang with people who drink all the time, it will be difficult for her to not drink too. Ultimately, she has to be the one to choose what she needs to do and how she will lead her own direction in her life. In the meantime, I will just reiterate the ground rules again and see where we go from here.

 

[jbrain]

Hi Jo,
sounds like you are doing all you can do and you sound like you are handling your own emotions really well. Congrats to you for a job well done!
Jane

 

[Sunlight]

:warrior: :bravo: :nonono:

ant has girls come and he is older too. good for you for storming over there. I cannot believe the girls who have moms that do not go fetch them.

 

[hearts and roses]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: ant'smom</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> :warrior: :bravo: :nonono:

ant has girls come and he is older too. good for you for storming over there. I cannot believe the girls who have moms that do not go fetch them. </div></div>

What's even more appalling to me is how many parents allow their kids to have run of the house without checking on them or laying down some ground rules. It was very apparent that this kid's dad is almost never home, thus, his house is the party house for all his little friends...with no adult supervision whatsoever. I swear, it is just jaw dropping to me. And I know that BOTH my daughter's find it incredibly embarrassing when I call them out on things, especially in front of their friends. I've almost never hesitated to call another parent or say something to a kid who I think is up to no good.

I remember from my childhood seeing my mom go up to the biggest thug on the block and question his motives or tell him to scram away from our house without hesitation and do you know what? Those same thugs bowed down to my mom when they saw her in public. It was always "hello Mrs..." and they were always polite - they respected her. And you know what? MY kids' friends all like me. There may be one or two who are afraid of me, but I take great pains in knowing their names, where they live and what's up in their lives they notice that and if they were honest, they like that someone gives a crap for once. I will say hello to even the lowliest kids in our town when I see them in public and I can see it shocks them that an adult is adressing them in a nice way. It changes things for them.

Although N probably had to go change his undies, I think we understand each other. I guess we'll see - funny how a virtual stranger gets me, but my own kid misses it completely!

 

[KFld]

part of what she is doing is normal teenage behavior. It all depends on the kid and where it leads them and we usually know our kids well enough to know the ones who won't just stop at normal behavior and will end up destroying their lives.

My 20 year old difficult child started with typical teenage drinking, and is now a recovering heroin addict. I worried about him from the time he was old enough to walk and talk.

My easy child 17 year old daughter on the other hand I know was recently experimenting with a little drinking and attended a few beer pong parties herself. She is dead set against drugs after seeing what her brother went through and considers everyone who uses drugs a loser, and just 2 weeks ago a good friend, 17 years old, killed himself drunk driving, so she is now dead set against drinking. She says the thought of it makes her ill because she attended the wake and funeral and saw what this has done to his family and friends. Not to say the freshness of this won't wear off and she'll never drink again, but she is a different child then my son and learns from things, unlike him.

I know myself I drank and smoked a ton of pot in my teenage years, but I grew out of it, though many of my old friends didn't.

90% of our children are going to experiment and do things that we did as kids growing up, and some will learn and some won't. Follow you gut instincts because you know your kid and which way she will most likely turn in the end.

 

[hearts and roses]

Thanks Karen, you're exactly right! I grew out of it and others didn't. My exh still smoked pot daily at 46 years of age. It's diheartening to see the way his life derailed along the way and I pray that does not happen with difficult child. H struggles with his own sobriety.

easy child dabbled and experimented along the way but she too has a "no tolerance rule" about smoking pot and drugs in general. She drinks very modestly as her studies are intense and she doesn't want to get derailed. I am hoping that difficult child gets to that point - where her life and her future are more important than the next good time.

Thanks everyone for the support~

 

[DDD]

:wink: Or, the moral of the thread is :smile:
If as a Mom "you always do what you always did...you won't always
get what you always got"! :smile: DDD