Well. Yet another iteration. When M left I asked if my son was with him. No. He's not here. He left me a note, suggesting the worse. He does not understand anything. He does not want to suffer at all. I just read the note (written in Spanish--my son is tri-lingual, self-taught): Forgive me but I have to leave you guys. I cannot continue being an inconvenience. I do not know what will be but I hope the worst happens to me. I think it is the worse kind of retribution. (Maybe not the worst--he could murder me--that would be worse.) After M told me he was gone (I was still in bed) I recall dreaming about having a young male child near me in a living room. He kept bothering me. I thought to myself (in the dream). Why do I not have him in school? Why is he not out playing? I am failing this child by not taking care of him properly (who is he, anyway?)... And then I woke up distressed because of this responsibility I was neglecting. And then I read the note. You see, my son, I think, wants to evoke, awaken this kind of response in me. The sense that I am responsible. That there is something more I could do, should do. Or maybe that is who I am. I am sad now. Who would have guessed that after all of it, it turned out like this. Nearly four months together, trying. And this? He just leaves? Putting the onus on us, for requiring any participation as an equal from him? I guess I am sad and a little bit mad. Because look at it. While he says he is mad at himself. He retaliated against us. Maybe that is what he said, Darkwing. Not kind, but high-functioning. He is kind, but at the same time cruel. To be indifferent to the suffering of those around one, and to on purpose to cause more, is cruel.