My son relapsed....

[DarkwingPsyduck]

Your mother owns it. And that is absolutely crucial to success in recovery. It is accepting things as they truly are, not what we wish they were. We cannot change the past, or remake our poor decisions. We would if we could, but we can't. It seems as if your son is still under the impression that his addiction will eventually be a thing of the past, and it wont be. It is as much a part of who he is as everything else about him. It will never just go away. Once he can accept that, he will possess true humility.

 

[Copabanana]

She could probably recite the 12 steps, as well as the "Just For Today" booklet from memory, but she acknowledged that she obviously didn't fully get it.

Darkwing, I have been in 12 step groups but not as a drug addict or alcoholic.

Do you agree with this: I believe we all fail. Even the most learned among us fails. That she failed, and had the drink did not call into question her learning or her humility. What it was was her humanity. We can always be felled. We can never have it made in the shade.

Except now I am understanding better your point of view, and perhaps her own, when she returned humbled.

Nothing stands in the way of our being a drunk, except our distance from that first drink. What she got was sloppy, not fearless. She forgot to be afraid.

What do you think was in her mind as she ordered it that drink? Do you think she felt like she had it made? I do not. I believe she wanted that drink. What do you think she told herself, as she reached for it?

 

[DarkwingPsyduck]

Darkwing, I have been in 12 step groups but not as a drug addict or alcoholic.

Do you agree with this: I believe we all fail. Even the most learned among us fails. That she failed, and had the drink did not call into question her learning or her humility. What it was was her humanity. We can always be felled. We can never have it made in the shade.

Except now I am understanding better your point of view, and perhaps her own, when she returned humbled.

Nothing stands in the way of our being a drunk, except our distance from that first drink. What she got was sloppy, not fearless. She forgot to be afraid.

What do you think was in her mind as she ordered it that drink? Do you think she felt like she had it made? I do not. I believe she wanted that drink. What do you think she told herself, as she reached for it?

Yes, she wanted it. As much as I would love 60mg of oxycodone. It would be really awesome. For about 4 hours. Then, my whole world will crumble. Every promise I made to myself, and to my aunt. So, knowing the consequence, why would we possibly relapse? Obviously, that would not be a sound decision to make consciously. I think we become... lax. To the point where we allow our subconscious to drive us a little more. Clearly, she did not sit there and think the decision through. She described it as not being a real decision. Not the kind that you sit there and think all the way through. She thought about as far as the next few hours, and that was all. Had she fully considered the decision, she wouldn't have made it.

It isn't just hard for people on the outside to understand an addict's thinking and behavior. We struggle to understand it, too. I mean, it really doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Which is how you can tell that it isn't JUST about being a up. If it were just that, the fix would be much easier. It's incredibly complex from all perspectives.

I think fear is useful at first. Whatever gets us to that first meeting, or that first treatment facility is a good thing. But if we base our sobriety on fear alone, we will eventually fail. Fear fades. And things are less frightening when we understand them better. Recovery is about appreciation. We need to appreciate all the positive things we can keep if we remain sober, and we need to appreciate all that we will lose if we do not. Which is why recovery is not an event. It isn't an occurrence. It is something that you are either doing, or you are not doing.

 

[DarkwingPsyduck]

We are generally afraid of things we do knot know, or do not understand sufficiently. Ideally, we gain a better understanding of ourselves, and of our affliction. So the fear fading is only natural. Appreciation is much more important. We know the consequences of using, and we do not try to avoid that because of fear, but through the appreciation of what we have, and what we stand to lose.

 

[DarkwingPsyduck]

Using doesn't scare me, because I know EXACTLY what will happen if I do it. There is no uncertainty, or confusion. I have gained an appreciation of what little I have, and I don't want to lose it. As long as that remains the case, and always present in my mind, my sobriety is secure.

 

[in a daze]

but the humility to admit that you are no better than the addicts sitting around you is crucial.

This may be a problem for my son. The last time we got together he was telling us about the guys he lives with. One guy beat up girlfriend. Ano t her guy has a felony. Another guy's been in prison. He sees himself as a superior being to these people.

He's been sober and functioning better since October, but I wonder if he really gets it.

 

[DarkwingPsyduck]

This may be a problem for my son. The last time we got together he was telling us about the guys he lives with. One guy beat up girlfriend. Ano t her guy has a felony. Another guy's been in prison. He sees himself as a superior being to these people.

He's been sober and functioning better since October, but I wonder if he really gets it.

It may be a problem, but it is completely normal. In fact, I have yet to meet an addict that didn't have this mindset early in recovery. And I was no better. I was never as bad as THAT guy, who puts a needle into his arm. Or that girl, who lost her children to CPS. I had a problem, sure, but at least I wasn't THAT bad.

That is an illusion. No, it is more accurate to call it a delusion. It is a belief that is clung to despite any and all evidence to the contrary. It isn't based in reason, so it is necessarily unreasonable. This is why relapse is such an important aspect of recovery. It is only through repeated failure that we truly learn something. He lacks humility, and he may be successful thus far without it, but there will come a time where he will need it, or he will stumble. But he may NEED to stumble in order to get it, which is why I keep saying that relapse isn't necessarily a completely negative thing. I relapsed at least half a dozen times before I would even consider walking into a meeting. And I only did that because my doctor required it in order to remain on his Suboxone treatment. I do not know if I would have made the decision to do so on my own, but I am glad that I walked through that door.

Realizing that I was, by no means, special was really helpful. Another negative about pride is that we feel that we HAVE to live up to our own unfair, patently absurd standards. We cannot be humble if we feel that we HAVE to be better than everybody else for whatever reason. I felt that I had more to live up to, or more to live for than the others. That wasn't the case, though. I was not special. I had never felt more understood than I did my first meeting. Being able to let go of those unrealistic, self imposed shackles that is baseless pride was inexplicably relieving, and impactful.

Pride is something you don't really want to lose when you have it, but you don't miss it when you let it go. I was no better than the other people in that room, sure. But I was also no worse.

 

[DarkwingPsyduck]

Something else every addict I have spoken to does at the beginning of the slippery slope of drug abuse is make a list of things they will, and will not do. We've ALL done it. It's amazing how the goal posts change as we progress (or regress in the case) in our addiction. I remember when I would NEVER snort or inject a pill, only swallow it. I wasn't some sick junkie, after all! That, of course, didn't last. Started snorting them exclusively. And injected here and there. The only reason I didn't do that more often was the inconvenience of it. It was sheer laziness that kept a needle out of my arm. That, and my irrational fear of needles. People are always surprised to hear about my fear of needles, since I am covered in tattoos and piercings, but I am a little girl when it comes to shots. And EVERY piercing I have ever gotten was performed by a very close friend who happened to be a professional piercer. And they would have to physically hold me down while doing it. Tattoos aren't the same thing. I never found them to be painful, and I think it has something to do with the superficial nature of a tattoo needle as opposed to an injection, or an all the way through piercing. At any rate, that also helped keep me away from the needles.

I also promised myself I would NEVER sell my belongings just to get high. I mean, I had VERY little to begin with. Everything I owned was carried around in my backpack. Then I accumulated belongings after reconnecting with my aunt. And the thought of selling the stuff the ONLY human being on Earth who gave a about me was utter nonsense to me. How could I do that? Well, I eventually had even LESS than I did before my aunt came along. Sold everything. Then I promised I would NEVER steal from my aunt. Selling the she busted her ass to buy me, without any kind of obligation to do so, was bad enough. But to actually deny her HER belongings. What am I, a sociopathic monster? Well, her DVD collection is considerably smaller than it was before I came into the picture....

My point is that your son isn't special when it comes to this stuff. He is as boring and mediocre as EVERY other drug addict who ever lived. He didn't invent being a junkie, and he didn't even perfect it. I am sure he is exceptional in other areas in his life, but not this. He is a garden variety, run of the mill junkie. Just like I am. While YOU may find his behavior astonishing, I guarantee you a fellow addict wouldn't bat an eye.

Addiction isn't physical. People confuse physical dependency with addiction, and vice versa. For the most part, they go hand in hand, but that isn't necessary. People become addicted to all sorts of that cause no physical discomfort if stopped. Like excessively working out, or hoarding. Physical withdrawal is simple enough. Especially from opiates. It doesn't kill us, but it will cause us to wonder if death would be preferable for a couple of weeks. That is NOTHING when compared to the psychological aspect of things. Recovery isn't about becoming sober. As I have said, ANYBODY can be sober. Sobriety can be achieved accidentally, or without any effort on our part. Chain a junkie to a brick wall for a couple of days, and they'll be sober, too. Being clean is different. It IS a choice. I could walk out my front door and return in 45 minutes with enough oxycontin to kill a small herd of elephants. But I am not doing that. That is making a choice. And that is what being clean is. Choosing to be sober. That is the ultimate goal of ALL recovery programs.

 

[Copabanana]

Chain a junkie to a brick wall for a couple of days, and they'll be sober, too

You know Darkwing I am back at work in prison in a psychiatric program.

A mentally ill person who is a drug addict is a typical patient/prisoner. When in prison they are typically abstinent. While there are drugs in prison the prisoner that I am talking about is typically homeless on the street or close to it, or maybe on SSI, the lucky ones, and would not have the money to buy drugs in prison.

Some of these people are nice and sweet and kind--when they are in prison. I am thinking of one man right now. I am highly motivated that he stay off meth--less so, him--his skills, health, capacities--and the kind of life he could have without drugs must not hold a candle to what it feels like on them. I am not sure.

While these prisoners will talk to me about the degradation of their lives as addicts, when they know they will be locked up for a long, long time or for life--they seldom do if they anticipate soon getting out. The lure, the call of them, must be too strong.

You are very bright and articulate and introspective and cerebral. You are philosophical and motivated to examine every inch and iota of yourself and your consciousness to understand your experience, indeed the human experience.

But for these people, so damaged already in spirit and health and hope and capacity--where will they turn? I am not saying it is impossible. Where I live meth has been rampant for more than 25 years. And I see people in the stores and streets, that while wrecked physically, seem to be recovering, seem to find a life worth fighting for.

I wish the men I know in prison could see this life too. I fear that few can.

 

[Sister's Keeper]

You know Darkwing I am back at work in prison in a psychiatric program.

A mentally ill person who is a drug addict is a typical patient/prisoner. When in prison they are typically abstinent. While there are drugs in prison the prisoner that I am talking about is typically homeless on the street or close to it, or maybe on SSI, the lucky ones, and would not have the money to buy drugs in prison.

Some of these people are nice and sweet and kind--when they are in prison. I am thinking of one man right now. I am highly motivated that he stay off meth--less so, him--his skills, health, capacities--and the kind of life he could have without drugs must not hold a candle to what it feels like on them. I am not sure.

While these prisoners will talk to me about the degradation of their lives as addicts, when they know they will be locked up for a long, long time or for life--they seldom do if they anticipate soon getting out. The lure, the call of them, must be too strong.

You are very bright and articulate and introspective and cerebral. You are philosophical and motivated to examine every inch and iota of yourself and your consciousness to understand your experience, indeed the human experience.

But for these people, so damaged already in spirit and health and hope and capacity--where will they turn? I am not saying it is impossible. Where I live meth has been rampant for more than 25 years. And I see people in the stores and streets, that while wrecked physically, seem to be recovering, seem to find a life worth fighting for.

I wish the men I know in prison could see this life too. I fear that few can.

Copa,

Wow. That hurt. That is my sister. Her D.O.C. is heroin. When she is in jail or prison she is a "model prisoner." She works her prison job, she goes to meetings, she says she is taking a G.E.D. class. She is sweet and generous and she helps other prisoners even though they take advantage of her. She has never been violent. Her crimes are all shoplifting and petty theft and parole/probation violations.

...but... she is so broken. So, so broken. She doesn't last more than a few weeks after release before she relapses. I just don't think, in her heart, she believes that she deserves anything better.

It's soul crushing. I wish she could see the good things in her that other people see. I wish there was something someone could do to make her see that she deserves so much better.

I want to be angry at her for giving up on herself and, in turn, giving up on her kids, but I can't. When I picture her in my mind all I can think is, "I'm sorry."

 

[Copabanana]

When she is in jail or prison she is a "model prisoner." She works her prison job, she goes to meetings, she says she is taking a G.E.D. class. She is sweet and generous and she helps other prisoners even though they take advantage of her

I have known women like her. I worked in the women's prison too which is near me.

Honestly, I do not understand life. I do not know why kind and good people like her are not strong enough to withstand real life. There is such meanness and smallness I see all around me. Prisons contain so many good and kind people. Honestly, will saying it again, make it any clearer? I do not understathingsnd life. Or is it this society that I do not understand that seems to value so many of the wrong , so that we turn away from each other in fear--or towards that which destroys us.

I just don't think, in her heart, she believes that she deserves anything better.

This man I am thinking of is such a good man. For him, I think it was the mental illness first. It makes him so hard on himself.

He was tortured because he worried when he was arrested that his dog was put to sleep. And when his wife died, he worried because in his fear he dropped the phone. He wondered if she would forgive him. He wonders if he reassured her enough that it did not matter if she was older than he.

I tell him how lucky she was (and the dog too) to have had his love. He believes me for that day. He tells me he will try to remember what I say, but I doubt he can. He is just not tough enough to keep the hurt away.

You know my Dad was a wasted soul. But he was mean. His heart withered and became cold. Maybe that is why I am drawn to these people. Whether it is penance or self-blame that my love could not be enough for my father (or my mother) to be whole.

Sister's Keeper, your sister and her/your children are so blessed to have you. What you are doing for her must make her life bearable. I am so glad for her that she makes that meaning in her life in those periods of sobriety. I really think that is so much more than so many people outside of prison have. The impetus to give and to care. She must be a wonderful person. And you too.

I am sorry I caused you hurt. It hurts me too.

I wish she could see the good things in her that other people see. I wish there was something someone could do to make her see that she deserves so much better.

Sister's Keeper. I do not think it is about deserve. I think it is about some combination of lack of strength, and pain. She is at her strongest and best when she is in prison. Some people recognize that and that is why they return.

I am questioning why I return. So many things make me feel happy and nourished. I am wondering too why I deny myself and force myself to go back where I suffer and am degraded. While I care deeply about the prisoners, for the 20 years off and on I have done that work I have been mistreated by staff. It is not that they pick on me--but I think I must be to some extent like your sister. They hurt me because they know they can. And I let it happen. I hope this is the last time.

For my whole adult life I too have felt I did not deserve much. You see, some people can chase success and achievement because they feel not good enough and I am one of those. If I only get that title or go there or do this it will make me worthy.

That your sister uses drugs is a bad thing for her and for her children and for her family. But it is not the only way that people try to chase away their pain and their lack.

 

[Sister's Keeper]

I have known women like her. I worked in the women's prison too which is near me.

Honestly, I do not understand life. I do not know why kind and good people like her are not strong enough to withstand real life. There is such meanness and smallness I see all around me. Prisons contain so many good and kind people. Honestly, will saying it again, make it any clearer? I do not understathingsnd life. Or is it this society that I do not understand that seems to value so many of the wrong , so that we turn away from each other in fear--or towards that which destroys us.
This man I am thinking of is such a good man. For him, I think it was the mental illness first. It makes him so hard on himself.

He was tortured because he worried when he was arrested that his dog was put to sleep. And when his wife died, he worried because in his fear he dropped the phone. He wondered if she would forgive him. He wonders if he reassured her enough that it did not matter if she was older than he.

I tell him how lucky she was (and the dog too) to have had his love. He believes me for that day. He tells me he will try to remember what I say, but I doubt he can. He is just not tough enough to keep the hurt away.

You know my Dad was a wasted soul. But he was mean. His heart withered and became cold. Maybe that is why I am drawn to these people. Whether it is penance or self-blame that my love could not be enough for my father (or my mother) to be whole.

Sister's Keeper, your sister and her/your children are so blessed to have you. What you are doing for her must make her life bearable. I am so glad for her that she makes that meaning in her life in those periods of sobriety. I really think that is so much more than so many people outside of prison have. The impetus to give and to care. She must be a wonderful person. And you too.

I am sorry I caused you hurt. It hurts me too.
Sister's Keeper. I do not think it is about deserve. I think it is about some combination of lack of strength, and pain. She is at her strongest and best when she is in prison. Some people recognize that and that is why they return.

I am questioning why I return. So many things make me feel happy and nourished. I am wondering too why I deny myself and force myself to go back where I suffer and am degraded. While I care deeply about the prisoners, for the 20 years off and on I have done that work I have been mistreated by staff. It is not that they pick on me--but I think I must be to some extent like your sister. They hurt me because they know they can. And I let it happen. I hope this is the last time.

For my whole adult life I too have felt I did not deserve much. You see, some people can chase success and achievement because they feel not good enough and I am one of those. If I only get that title or go there or do this it will make me worthy.

That your sister uses drugs is a bad thing for her and for her children and for her family. But it is not the only way that people try to chase away their pain and their lack.

Oh, not your fault at all, Copa. by the way, I'm a nurse, too. I think that we are naturally caregivers in our DNA. I also think that makes it so much more difficult for us to detach because it is so ingrained in us to nurture and care for others. LOL, look at all my kids! I must be nuts.

It is just, with my sister, and this is hard to put into words, but I think you, and most, will understand, I have built an emotional "wall" and I deal with her and her issues objectively. I can, generally, separate myself, emotionally.

...but you know, every once in a while there is that little thing that slips through that gives me a little cry. In the very back of my heart I hold this tiny hope that, some day, she will come back to me. Most of the time my head has accepted that this is who she is and always will be.

I think it actually did me good to hear that there are people in the prison systems who care, who believe that under all these horrible life circumstances, that not everyone that makes it into the system is "bad" or unredeemable.

I think your post was actually very helpful.

 

[Copabanana]

LOL, look at all my kids! I must be nuts.

I envy you your kids.

I have built an emotional "wall" and I deal with her and her issues objectively. I can, generally, separate myself, emotionally.

I understand this completely. This is what I did with my mother. And then when she died the wall collapsed. I could not accept that for almost 40 years I had built a wall when I loved her more than I had loved myself. One hundred times more.

...but you know, every once in a while there is that little thing that slips through that gives me a little cry.

That is what happened when she died. Except it was a torrent--an avalanche of feelings and it was too late to do anything to change my life. She was gone.

In the very back of my heart I hold this tiny hope that, some day, she will come back to me.

This is a realistic hope, I believe. She very well might decide. I guess that is what I really think. I think that all of us live lives that on one level fantasies. The reality of most of our lives is desperate and inevitably harsh and defeated. After all, we work and struggle, for what? When we die in the end. Usually a degraded, lonely and difficult death.

Most of the time my head has accepted that this is who she is and always will be.

Maybe people like your sister are the realists of the world. I believe she will decide one day to stay sober. It will not be a question of hope or strength. It will be about integrity and love, qualities she appears to have in spades. Like you, too, SK. And I guess me too.

who believe that under all these horrible life circumstances, that not everyone that makes it into the system is "bad" or unredeemable.

On the contrary, SK.

I have done this for 20 years off an on. And the funny thing is this. I am seeing a change in the custody officers. More and more of them are sweet and kind!! You could have blown me away with a feather. So, at least in CA there may be a change away from the chain gang kind of mentality to one where even some of the custody staff seem to have nothing to prove.

SK. I am hopeful for your sister. These posts have been good for me. Thank you.

 

[RN0441]

This may be a problem for my son. The last time we got together he was telling us about the guys he lives with. One guy beat up girlfriend. Ano t her guy has a felony. Another guy's been in prison. He sees himself as a superior being to these people.

He's been sober and functioning better since October, but I wonder if he really gets it.

In A Daze:
This is my son too. He is in rehab but never as bad as the others. I'm not buying it anymore after his overdose though. I think I needed this to happen to make me stronger when I deal with him which is much needed because he has a very strong personality. Maybe addicts just do I don't know.

I got a text from his house manager on Saturday that my son "walked out". He walked to the IOP house where his car is. He has no keys. It's OUR car. It was 105 degrees. The staff members did talk him into returning. I asked that he call us and his dad talked to him about staying in the program and the car and how he is not getting it back until he works and pays the two tickets he got on his "day of reckoning" (overdose and two moving violations). He told him he needs to stick with the program so he can move forward. I later told my husband that instead of focusing on his car situation, he needs to focus on the fact that the DRUGS cause him to do these things. That is the root of the problem. That is what caused the two moving violations.

Yesterday my son called me but I had his dad answer it. He really talked to him about the drug use and how that has ruined his life and broken so many relationships. He also told him that he found that he had gotten into our safe and sold his grandmother's wedding rings for drugs. My son didn't want to talk anymore after that.

Everything is so negative right now. I am not sure if this will help my son see that he does need the help they are offering him or just dig his heels in even further.

 

[in a daze]

RN, you guys are doing all the right things. It's good that you are stepping back and letting your husband take the lead.

When he gets a job, does the sober house have him hand over the paycheck?

And how awful a bout the missing heirlooms. I had a safe for his controlled substances, but he always managed to get into it somehow.

Hang in there. You're doing a great job maintaining your boundaries, you and your husband. It will pay off.

And isn't it great that they don't live with us? Ours came over for a while yesterday. Had him do some yard work, then visit grandma and out to eat. He was acting kind of strange, kind of withdrawn, but "everything's fine". So it was a relief to finally drop him off at the train and say, "buhbye!

 

[RN0441]

In A Daze:

He has not been in a sober house in Delray yet and when he was in West Palm Beach he never did find a job. I'm not sure how hard he was looking though to be honest. When he goes to IOP where he is now he will work but they do not make him hand over his paycheck. When he got paid before he was using it mainly for food.

We let him leave the program in Delray in May to go to a sober living house in West Palm Beach with a guy that was going to be the house manager in West Palm Beach. Obviously we see now that it was a mistake to let him do that but we're learning too. I felt as long as he was in sober living it was okay/safe. But it seems he needs more support and he never really was 100% in the program which is now what he has to do as far as we are concerned. It's all such a learning experience. Normal parents are not equipped to know how to do this!

Thanks for saying we're doing a great job but I question every move we make. Second guess everything but in the end, wonder if it even matters.

I thank God every day that he isn't living with us any longer. We still are suffering knowing he is making wrong choices though. I am working on that. Husband better at it than I am.

 

[Copabanana]

the car and how he is not getting it back until he works and pays the two tickets he got on his "day of reckoning" (overdose and two moving violations).

RN. Do you think you and your husband might need to rethink your son's access to any car you own and control? I am thinking both about the risk to you and to the need to have really strong consequences.

To my way of thinking he needs to "get" that his world changed irrevocably. Not business as usual. OK. I understand that your and husband's tone of voice changed. He knows your "mad." But he believes that he can snow you, control you--that he dominates the relationship, that because of your love for him--he can convince you of anything. It is this that has to be undermined (by you): his sense of absolute control and security based upon his belief that he pulls the strings to you.

he found that he had gotten into our safe and sold his grandmother's wedding rings for drugs.

That is horrible. Just horrible. I understand that it is drug-fueled, but what a really despicable thing to do, to sell that link to a beloved mother and grandmother--that will never be replaced. I have lost things like this (actually my sister stole them) and the pain is like acid on my heart. So maybe I am over-reacting here. Sorry.

 

[RN0441]

Copa:

In regard to car, initially my husband thought he'd just go to Florida to get it and sell it. Then we think of down the road, when he is sober and would like him to have the car to get to school or a job. The car was a great find (bought it from coworker) and something we wanted to do for him. It's not new, old but runs good. The fact that he did not search out drugs but could not walk away either is probably the reason why we are giving him another chance with the car. My son cannot control my husband. That is why I'm letting him do all the talking now. Husband has told him we are not giving him any money and he is a long way away from driving that car again.

My husband realized that the rings were gone some time ago but son was positive and doing well so did not bring it up. No, you are not overreacting. Husband was truly sad that our son did this. It's sickening really. He broke the safe combination some time ago - back when he was in our home and erratic. But we were able to use the key and somehow he found the key. You run out of places to hide stuff and then forget where you "hid" it. Glad that part of this nightmare is over. Don't have to lock anything up anymore.

 

[BusynMember]

I couldnt trust anyone who would steal anything as precious to me as heirlooms either, Copa and I dont even have any. I do have items that are precious to me. if my kids took them, for any reason, a part of me would feel betrayed for a very long time. Drugs would be no excuse. They are our children, but we cant let everything go just brcause of that.

I felt like you did when I read it. Child, I love you, I'd die for you, I would NEVER steal from you. It is beyond disrespectful that you could fo this to me...jmo.

 

[Kathy813]

RN, you are doing great! Don't second guess yourself. Letting your husband be the primary contact now is a good idea. Give yourself some time and space.

I think you are absolutely correct in making your son clean up his own messes. He needs to pay for the traffic violations. I would also make it a condition that he needs to be able to pay for six months of insurance and any car tag fees to get it switched over to his name. You don't want to be held liable if he has an accident when drunk or high when the car is still in your name or on your insurance.

My daughter also had a hard time seeing herself as equal to the other addicts in the program. It is part of the surrender process that is critical to recovery.

I think that Copa is right. Your son thinks he can still control the situation. He is using school as a manipulation tool to get you to give him what he wants.

Stay strong.

~Kathy