Narcissistic Personality-Bipolar

[Pinkstrength]

I just told my 19 year old son to leave my home 2 days ago. He is bipolar, and is extremely manipulative. His condition causes anger, depression, irrational thinking, irregular sleep patterns, lack of empathy, grandiose feelings, etc. If he doesn't get his way, he will manipulate until he does. He has been on medication for 3 years, which has helped but he doesn't always take his medications like he should. Recently, he came home from college for the summer and treats my home like a crash pad. He has no respect for me or our rules. He verbally abuses me, his girlfriend, his sister, anyone he perceives as weak. He is disconnected from our family, rude, irresponsible, and entitled. Part of this is our fault, we have spoiled him because we knew very early on he was mentally ill and tried to over compensate for it, BIG MISTAKE. He is always saying horrible things to me, so this last time he did, I told him to leave. I can't take his verbal abuse anymore. He verbally abuses his friends, girlfriends, anyone he can't control. My heart is heavy, and it hurts so bad to be here. He has trouble keeping jobs, relationships. The last girlfriend he had was put into therapy after being emotionally abused by him after 2 years. I need peace and to keep my sanity, but how do you stay strong? This is extremely hard. Thank you for reading.

 

[Crayola13]

All kids have a smart mouth at that age, but when it crosses the line into verbal abuse, it's bad. I don't blame you for throwing him out. I would discourage him from ever marrying because this behavior isn't going to stop.

 

[BusynMember1]

I am so very sorry. My daughter is like that and long gone (homeless by choice and in her mid 30s). She was adopted and never accepted us as parents. Did your son have a hard time in his early years such as losing somebody close to him as in a divorce? Was he adopted? That all can cause attachment issues like it did for our daughter being adopted. Attachment disorder can cause one to not care about anyone but themselves and it looks like many other disorders. She never got over it no matter how much we loved her. Does your son use drugs, even pot?

Regardless, you need to take care of yourself and he is the only person who can help himself. It is good that he is so young. He has time.

Hugs

 

[MissLulu]

Welcome Pink.

You will find many of us in a similar situation here. I have a 25 year old son who is mentally ill and can be verbally abusive at times. We’ve had several possible diagnoses, including anxiety, depression, bipolar and Borderline (BPD). Like your son he goes on and off his medication. Sometimes he’s fine but other times he’s selfish and impulsive and suffers from mood swings.

I have much more peace in my house since he moved out.

I have turned myself inside out looking for the cause of his illness to no avail. He is my biological child. I am happily married to his father (for 27 years now!) He was planned, wanted, much loved and has been given every opportunity in life. We have two other beautiful sons, who are hard working and high achieving. I tell you this because if you’re anything like me you will be deep down harbouring some guilt and asking yourself what you did wrong. Sometimes the answer is nothing. Some kids are born with mental health disorders, just like some kids are born with other medical disorders.

Whilst trauma can be a cause of mental health issues, it’s not always the case. I think this is something that is often forgotten and can make being the mother of such a child very isolating.

Being the parent of a child like this is exhausting and depressing. I feel your pain. I don’t have the answers - I wish I did! I’m any case, I hope it helps to know you are not alone.

 

[RN0441]

Welcome

When you are going through more than you can emotionally handle you need to recognize that and reach out for help.

We went through a horrible time with our son due to drug use and I was ready for a straight jacket and a rubber room! I was able to find a therapist that specialized in addiction at that time - and the addiction forum here - and it changed my life. It is not a quick fix but I so looked forward to my sessions and it did get me through it.

Thankfully my son is on track now but I am so glad that I was able to get help for myself which enabled me to detach somewhat and create firm but loving boundaries which I needed and my son needed as well.

Your son is very young but he will have to learn to deal with his illness in a responsible manner or he will not have a good life and neither will anyone that is in his life.

If you are a believer I would pray. I did that constantly for our son and we did receive a miracle. Nothing is too big for Him.

 

[Copabanana]

how do you stay strong? This is extremely hard.

I don't think it's possible to stay strong. I think this is an impossibly difficult thing for a parent to accept. It would break down anybody with a heart. Turning to something that is always whole and unbroken, which is faith, for me, has been the only thing that has given me moments of peace. I was not much of a believer before I came to this site. I echo what RN writes:

If you are a believer I would pray

This is a true thing:

Your son is very young but he will have to learn to deal with his illness in a responsible manner or he will not have a good life and neither will anyone that is in his life.

As a parent, I found it unbearable that my son lives badly. I still do. I struggle between helping and being forced to acknowledge the reality which is my son is impossible for normal people to be around. Maybe this is the best my son can do, and what that means is that his options in life will be very limited. Or maybe he can do better but needs to learn from the consequences. In either case, there is nothing at all that I have experienced, that leads me to think that parents can help with this. My son does not allow me to help him unless he is in control--it's what he wants when he wants it. And we really can't ethically take away bad consequences from another adult. This is to deny them the opportunity to learn, which is the cornerstone of human life.

The upshot is that we have to sit with the grief, frustration, pain, and worry. For me, it's always there. I can have a few weeks of respite, (an illusion that it is better for a while) but it's always followed by reality returning.)

And the reality is always painful. I am sorry you're going through this too.

One thing I would say is that your son should not mistreat you, and you should not allow this. If this means he cannot be around you, so be it. That is his choice. Not yours. You tried to protect him. He was the one who decided to become mean. And he's the one who can decide to change. But he won't do so, as long as everything stays the way it is.

There are many of us here with you. Welcome.