Ironbutterfly
If focused on a single leaf you won't see the tree
Honestly, he sounds like a spoiled brat and fiancee has never made him accountable and is afraid to tell him no. She is his slave at his beck and call.
If it were me, I would go to counseling for myself first, or go to ala-non meetings if they are in your area (free). Start with that first. You will find others in your situation and they will help you find the words to discuss with your fiancee that things need to change.
Your choices are:
1) Sit down with fiancee tell her your concerns and you would like for you both to go to counseling, and/or son and Mom.
2) Move out for a while, date her but have a place of your own because it's only going to get worse if nothing changes and fiancee is unwilling to see her son for what he is and make him accountable and she needs to learn the word "NO" and stop enabling. Your health is suffering from the stress
3) Start with yourself and getting counseling and help on how to handle the "conversation" which is not going to be easy and fiancee will be defensive, etc.
4) Print out the detachment document on this website and leave it out for her to see. When discussing son; make a list first of all the things that a normal 26 year old responsible adult son wouldn't be doing. Ordering mom around, get this and that, drive me here and there, barge into our bedroom, stink up the place, live like a pig, bring ladies over to your house and expect you to pick them up and deliver. Then ask her, does this sound normal to you?
5) Walk away because what you are dealing with is a nightmare and fiancee and son are two against one. Again, your health is suffering.
6) Find him his own place
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