Never Left..but posting again

[Mouseyone]

Hello all,

I am on the website everyday, hoping, praying for respite from my worry, racing thoughts, body aches..
I have been here for years..and my son worsens. My son has schizophrenia..he will not adhere to any program, therapy, nothing.
Just one short month ago, he had everything..a place to stay, social workers..yet, drugs and bad behavior takes over. I am struggling..I have no one to speak about this to. My son stabbed his roommate..it was very serious, requiring the person to have surgery. My son is now in jail..Rikers Island to be specific, which is a tough jail in NY. He is on the Medical Health ward, which provides some comfort, yet he is still in jail. He called yesterday and said he had gotten into a fight..nothing new, my son is always angry, always combative, always ready for a fight. His public defender got his bail down..I can bail him out, however, he has lost everything..his supportive housing, social workers, everything. We are afraid of him. He is in a dangerous jail, yet, he is dangerous to himself and others. My dilemma is whether to bail him out..seeing as though he has no where to go, nothing in place. We have been dealing with this since he was 17..He is now 29..I am at a breaking point. I am so sad that he is in jail, yet, at least I know he is off the streets..but..he can also get hurt there. It is impossible.

 

[Fairy dust]

I am so sorry for the heart ache you are going through but glad you have found us. In reading through your post a few observations that i had to reread.

he will not adhere to therapy, programs, help.
still smokes weed
bad behaviour takes over.
he stabbed his roommate.
you are afraid of him.

may I humbly suggest that you take your time to think this decision through and not let his calls pressure you. Please

think of your family and your safety first
what will bailing him out do? Is there a program he is willing to go to and abide by their rules?
what will change if you bail him out?


through this forum I have learned about the FOG our children put us through…fear, obligation and guilt. Please see what this is and how this can draw you to make decisions you may not be comfortable with. Also there is a great article on detachment on this forum. Please read, reread this as many times as you need to. It will give you strength .

others will come along to help. i pray the universe helps you and your family. Finally big hugs! You will get through this.

 

[Copabanana]

He is in a dangerous jail, yet, he is dangerous to himself and others. My dilemma is whether to bail him out..seeing as though he has no where to go, nothing in place.

Hi. I worked over 30 years in prison mental health. My son is mentally ill.

This is what I think: your son needs to stay where he is. If he is dangerous to himself and others, any psychologist or psychiatrist would mandate him to involuntary hospitalization. Where he is, others are safe from him, and he is likely safe from himself.

Yes, there are dangers in prison, but that is the least dangerous given all the other variables. And where he is, there is the possibility he could be stabilized in time with medication and other interventions.

This is the reality you face, but we as parents are always better off if we accept reality.

I do not see you have any options here, that re realistic. Do not bail him out. That is what I say.

 

[Nandina]

Hi Mouseyone and welcome,

I agree with Copa, that your son should stay where he is and get treatment and stay somewhat safe. The thing is, he could be unsafe on the streets just as he could in jail. He has already knifed somebody while out of jail as you said.

I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. It is heartbreaking. But I feel strongly that if you live in fear of your adult children they need to stay as far away from you as possible.

Please keep posting here. So many of us have been through what you are experiencing and can help you get through it. Stay strong. Sending hugs.

 

[Beta]

Mousyone,
I'm so sorry. You and your family have been through it, and of course you are heartbroken. It is nothing other than heartbreaking to see the breakdown of our child. But I too have to agree with what others have said. Bailing him out is not going to help him in any way, and it's going to put you, your family, and other people in harms way. I hope you will not do it.