Never posted in here before!

[DenitaS]

Guess I qualify for this room now?

I guess I come and go cause I think that I can do this on my own. And then I realize! I REALLY NEED the support of people that actually UNDERSTAND what I am going through!

difficult child 1 - 17 - Her Bio Dad called me today to tell me that she had broke in his house and stole 4 company checks, another checkbook where the account has been closed and his signature stamp. Wanted to let me know that the warrant for her arrest would be effective tomorrow and "Could I believe what she had done' I simlply answered yes, I could. She has been begging for us to just hand the baby back over and I knew there was WAY more going on then she was sharing. Todays conversation confirmed that!

difficult child 2 - 15 - Moved out about 3 1/2 wks ago because we wouldn't let her stay at a friends on a school night! Has been by the house 3 times and cussed us out each time. I told her to keep her nose clean and stay in school. CPS called yesterday because the school was concerned with her failing grades and wanted to know if we could sit and chat about it. I told them that would be GREAT IF she were speaking to me which she is not. They are now trying to decide if they want to take custody of her and have her placed.

ME - I am JUST EXHAUSTED and DO NOT have the energy to do this again. I love her but, I am really feeling the tough love thing this go round!

Guess I just needed to share!
Any suggestions?

 

[DazedandConfused]

Hey Denita,

Just wanted to say welcome to this part of the CO neighborhood.

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time with both difficult children. I don't have suggestions, unfortunately. Just sending gentle hugs.

 

[everywoman]

No suggestions here either. Just a hug from one who understands.

 

[Hound dog]

Sending understanding ((((hugs)))) your way.

After going thru it with difficult child 1, I can understand not wanting to repeat it with difficult child 2. Maybe enough tough love and natural conscequences will snap her out of it.

Welcome to our neck of the woods.

 

[Suz]

Raising one difficult child was more than enough for me. My only suggestion is to take care of you. It sounds like you're going to have your hands full again and you need to have the inner resources to maintain your equilibrium and to take care of your grandchild.

Hugs,
Suz

 

[Nomad]

Would agree with Suz. Practice extreme self care. As best as you can, be a 'united front' with bio dad when it comes to these kids.

I do hope you get some sort of funding to help care for this baby. Glad you don't hesitate to call the police when older daughter commits a crime against you. Hopefully, on good days, she can participate in caring for her child.

Perhaps it would be a good thing for daughter, age 15, to go to a therapeutic boarding school...either via state funding or private funding. It would be ideal if she could be evaluated by a physician, etc. to see if she needs medication.

I'm so sorry...this is a lot of stress. Please take extra good care of yourself.

 

[DenitaS]

WE are NOT a united front! That is the first time we have had an actual conversation in about hmm???? 15 years? My husband adopted them both in 2004. He decided to be superdad and jump in to save the day! I tried to tell him how things really were but, "I was just doing it wrong, and she just needs more support then you were giving her" I said OK, figured it would end up this way.
difficult child 1 hasn't had much to do with the baby. She talks a GREAT talk but hasn't made arrangements to visit with him or shown financial support in ANY way. I was thinking I should swoop in and finalize the adoption while she was in legal trouble BUT thanks to difficult child 2 I don't think this is the appropriate time!
difficult child 2, IS on medications, when she takes them. She of course, doesn't think that she needs them. The Dr. here won't prescibe anything different unless she is in therapy and she REFUSES to go. I hope they step in and place her in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) as well! I think that is what she needs at this point!

difficult child 1, put the guilt trip on BioDad last night about how she just wanted to die and so forth. I told him that my opinion is this: She cares WAY too much about HERSELF to ever do that! It is just a ploy to get what she wants. She never even called me last night which just proves what I said to him was true. She needs the charges dropped and will do whatever it takes!