OpenWindow
Active Member
Thank you
Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app
Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app
New member: need support
- Thread starter Angie
- Start date
HeadlightsMom
Well-Known Member
OpenWindow & Angie --- Just catching up on this thread and hoping things and wondering how you're both doing? Thinking of you and sending best wishes your way for peace and resolution.
by the way, MWM said this was a safe site with no berating. I'm new(er) to this site, but I'm pretty sure she's right! Lots of edifying feedback. It's all about building each other up in the strength of heartfelt genuineness. Terrific group of people in here sharing insights, exceedingly helpful tips, and phrases/concepts which are already helping me.
Sending good thoughts your way for a peaceful week ahead. Take care and keep us posted!
by the way, MWM said this was a safe site with no berating. I'm new(er) to this site, but I'm pretty sure she's right! Lots of edifying feedback. It's all about building each other up in the strength of heartfelt genuineness. Terrific group of people in here sharing insights, exceedingly helpful tips, and phrases/concepts which are already helping me.
Sending good thoughts your way for a peaceful week ahead. Take care and keep us posted!
OpenWindow
Active Member
HeadlightsMom,
Thanks for checking in. difficult child went to stay with his dad so we all could get a much-needed break. I've been texting him occasionally and am met with either no answer, or short rude answers. We made a hair appointment for him for next week, to help him with job search and, because the person who cuts our hair is a younger friend of ours who difficult child likes a lot. She's had her own mental health issues as well as addiction issues. She offered to try to talk to him, so that is my last effort.
I told him that he's used up all the second chances we've given him to treat us at least civilly and live by the rules, and the only way we can allow him to live in our house is if we can see him trying to address his issues with us, following rules, and his depression, by seeing a therapist. He refused. I talked to his dad last night, who agrees difficult child that there are not mental health issues with difficult child - he just doesn't like me or Angie. He went on to say that he's (the ex) been saying forever that difficult child just had way too much energy and would grow out of it - he never had an issue is was just me pushing it. Nevermind all the professionals including therapists, psychiatrists, psychologists, school counselors, teachers, family and friends who thought and think there are issues.
So difficult child won't be coming home. The ex wants me to talk to difficult child one more time (maybe he thinks I will give in and not insist difficult child go to therapy?) and will not commit to him staying there with him. But I told him bottom line - if difficult child doesn't go to therapy he's not coming back. His behavior isn't acceptable and without a different kind of intervention than we've been trying these past 5 months, nothing is going to change.
I'm worried for difficult child's future and I really hope those who are saying he has "outgrown" his issues are right. In fact I pray for that every day. I also pray that if he does hit rock bottom and/or have a mental break, it won't be unrecoverable.
Thanks for checking in. difficult child went to stay with his dad so we all could get a much-needed break. I've been texting him occasionally and am met with either no answer, or short rude answers. We made a hair appointment for him for next week, to help him with job search and, because the person who cuts our hair is a younger friend of ours who difficult child likes a lot. She's had her own mental health issues as well as addiction issues. She offered to try to talk to him, so that is my last effort.
I told him that he's used up all the second chances we've given him to treat us at least civilly and live by the rules, and the only way we can allow him to live in our house is if we can see him trying to address his issues with us, following rules, and his depression, by seeing a therapist. He refused. I talked to his dad last night, who agrees difficult child that there are not mental health issues with difficult child - he just doesn't like me or Angie. He went on to say that he's (the ex) been saying forever that difficult child just had way too much energy and would grow out of it - he never had an issue is was just me pushing it. Nevermind all the professionals including therapists, psychiatrists, psychologists, school counselors, teachers, family and friends who thought and think there are issues.
So difficult child won't be coming home. The ex wants me to talk to difficult child one more time (maybe he thinks I will give in and not insist difficult child go to therapy?) and will not commit to him staying there with him. But I told him bottom line - if difficult child doesn't go to therapy he's not coming back. His behavior isn't acceptable and without a different kind of intervention than we've been trying these past 5 months, nothing is going to change.
I'm worried for difficult child's future and I really hope those who are saying he has "outgrown" his issues are right. In fact I pray for that every day. I also pray that if he does hit rock bottom and/or have a mental break, it won't be unrecoverable.
HeadlightsMom
Well-Known Member
OpenWindow -- So glad you're both getting a break and an opportunity to recharge your batteries! A little respite can be a lifesaver. Also sounds like you have a good attitude and good plan for moving forward. Wise...
I also pray that if you difficult child, our difficult child, and all difficult child's won't be "unrecoverable" if they hit bottom or break. One never knows...
Sending continued best wishes your way...
I also pray that if you difficult child, our difficult child, and all difficult child's won't be "unrecoverable" if they hit bottom or break. One never knows...
Sending continued best wishes your way...
DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
Hey~ I think I remember you and your situation but not sure if I am thinking of the right family. I will probably figure it out eventually...lol.
I know a bit about delusions myself. I am not diagnosed with anything delusional but I was very sick in 08 and when I was in a coma and then coming in and out of the coma I had some wild delusions. In fact, I was convinced I was pregnant with twins and no one could tell me different! I had named them and even thought we were being talked about all over the world because I was in my late 40's, having twins and had already had a hysterectomy...lol. There were a lot of other things too. Even after I came home and was somewhat okay, I thought the canned food in the grocery store talked to me. It took me a long time to get well.
Still, I think there has to be a way to somehow force treatment on someone who is that sick. No one gave me a choice about going to physical rehab even though I was telling everyone under the sun I didnt want to go. They just loaded my butt up in the ambulance and took me anyway. Somehow there has to be a way to do that with folks who are that sick mentally.
You might have to go through the courts to get him declared incompetent. At that point a guardian could be appointed and then they would have authority over him. Not that it will be easy to make him go anywhere but possibly that would let the guardian get him disability and then into housing for someone with his issues.
I think that is what I would try to do.
I know a bit about delusions myself. I am not diagnosed with anything delusional but I was very sick in 08 and when I was in a coma and then coming in and out of the coma I had some wild delusions. In fact, I was convinced I was pregnant with twins and no one could tell me different! I had named them and even thought we were being talked about all over the world because I was in my late 40's, having twins and had already had a hysterectomy...lol. There were a lot of other things too. Even after I came home and was somewhat okay, I thought the canned food in the grocery store talked to me. It took me a long time to get well.
Still, I think there has to be a way to somehow force treatment on someone who is that sick. No one gave me a choice about going to physical rehab even though I was telling everyone under the sun I didnt want to go. They just loaded my butt up in the ambulance and took me anyway. Somehow there has to be a way to do that with folks who are that sick mentally.
You might have to go through the courts to get him declared incompetent. At that point a guardian could be appointed and then they would have authority over him. Not that it will be easy to make him go anywhere but possibly that would let the guardian get him disability and then into housing for someone with his issues.
I think that is what I would try to do.
OpenWindow
Active Member
DammitJanet, I remember you. Last time I was here my difficult child was in jr high and was diagnosed with a possible mood disorder, Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)/not otherwise specified, 6 or so years ago.
I am keeping the guardian thing in my back pocket. We talked to his therapist right before he turned 18, knowing he would most likely stop therapy and medications, and he said the same thing I was thinking - difficult child most likely would not have been found incompetent and we needed to give him the chance to prove himself. At that point, difficult child was considering a transition program offered close by, with job and daily life skills training, but he quickly changed his mind. Fast forward 4 months or so and here we are.
One of the hardest things is seeing him go downhill and not being able to do anything about it. I've had years of practice with detaching (dealing with him his whole life and dealing with my own mother before that), but it's still hard watching it happen in front of me. He's obviously not thinking straight and doesn't realize he could manage things with just some minimal help. But he thinks I'm trying to ruin his life, and thinks he knows better than the professionals, so I can't do a thing. Having his father agree that the issue is only with me and Angie, and that he is otherwise "fine" is not helping anyone either.
I am keeping the guardian thing in my back pocket. We talked to his therapist right before he turned 18, knowing he would most likely stop therapy and medications, and he said the same thing I was thinking - difficult child most likely would not have been found incompetent and we needed to give him the chance to prove himself. At that point, difficult child was considering a transition program offered close by, with job and daily life skills training, but he quickly changed his mind. Fast forward 4 months or so and here we are.
One of the hardest things is seeing him go downhill and not being able to do anything about it. I've had years of practice with detaching (dealing with him his whole life and dealing with my own mother before that), but it's still hard watching it happen in front of me. He's obviously not thinking straight and doesn't realize he could manage things with just some minimal help. But he thinks I'm trying to ruin his life, and thinks he knows better than the professionals, so I can't do a thing. Having his father agree that the issue is only with me and Angie, and that he is otherwise "fine" is not helping anyone either.
