Shelters are free.
Your son acted just like a ten year old kid who pulled a prank on you. Like most difficult children he is in serious Peter Pan mode. I'll bet he doesn't even go to the shelter. Rather, my guess is he buys something he wants, maybe drugs. I need to correct you about something though...and I had to get into serious therapy to realize this. As crazy as this sounds, you are on two antidepressants because of yourself, not because of your son. You are letting his antics impact your life and you do have control over how much you allow his situation to affect you.
Yes, the first time a psychiatrist said it to me, I burst into tears and told him he didn't know what he was talking about and he asked me if I thought I could control my son's behavior, which has always been hideous. It goes way back to toddlerhood with him. I told him that if I had been a better mother he wouldn't be this way. The doctor told me that wa false, that I had been a great mother and that none of my other kids were like him and that I had always been there for him and gotten him help, but he refused to admit there was a thing wrong with him. He told me that, with my history of depression and anxiety, this would be the death of me if I didn't find a better way to cope than to obsess over him and try to "talk sense into him." He even suggested I toss him out on his eighteenth birthday. Yikes! I couldn't accept or process his advice then. I think it was too harsh at a time when I thought I was supposed to mother him forever.
Well, I was younger then and my son was still a minor at the time and I was horrified at everything this doctor told me and I never went back to him, but he was 100% right. I learned the hard way (College of Hard Knocks) that no matter what I did, I could not change my son. I could only change my reaction to his abusiveness and his jerkiness.
It isn't easy, but it gets better. I'm pretty good at it now. And my son is nicer to me now because I won't even pick up the phone if he has been a jerk to me. I just won't engage him until/unless I feel up to it. My son does value a relationship with me so he tries to be nice, which is awfully hard for him...lol. Sometimes he's not and I h ang up and won't pick up the phone for days. If I get that clenching feeling in the pit of my stomach when his name comes up on my cell phone, I know it's not a time when I can talk to him.
If you feel like no contact, do it. Sadly, the adult children who bring us to this site are not the type of adult kids who bring us good news. They only call when they want something and I can't remember any time in my life when my son ever asked,"So how are YOU?" or "Happy birthday!" or "How are my sister and brother?" He doesn't care about anybody except himself and he does love his son, but his son is an extension of himself (at least that's how I think he sees it).
If your son comes to his senses, he WON'T need you. He will be peaceful with his decision and himself and his support team. He won't be calling you for money anymore. I have one adult child who did drugs and was horrible while she used them, but she is a different person now that she has been clean for years and years and she doesn't need me that often. We are close, talk about twice a week, we Skype so I can see my granddaughter when I want, but she is independent. There are ways besides cell phone to keep in touch. E-mail is a good way and he can always go to any library and log in there for free. I think e-mails have less impact than actually hearing the voice. Anyway, who pays for the cell phone?
Hugs and wishing you the best!!!
Have a good day!!!!
