Hi, and if I didn't welcome you already, Welcome!! And if I did welcome you already, Great to see you again!!!
I would personally push for as much mood stability as possible. The brain goes through changes when it cycles. Chemicals are released in the brain during manic stages that are addictive. The more a person cycles, the more likely they are to be medication resistant as adults. Or this is what I understand from the psychiatrists we have seen, the developmental pediatrican Wiz saw, and from the book "The Bipolar Child". If you don't have the book - go and get one!!! It truly is an amazing resource.
There is some thought that the mood cycles are caused by a type of seizure activity. in my opinion this is supported by the success of many anti-seizure medications as mood stabilizers (topomax, depakote, trileptal, and more). It can't be measured on an EEG (brain wave test), but only a small fraction of seizures can be detected this way. Not only is our equipment not capable of catching many types of seizures, but also because the patient has to have a seizure at the exact time of the test.
With the type of seizure that are thought to be part of bipolar, they actually build pathways through the brain. The more seizures a person has, the more seizures they are likely to have. So it is crucial to have the child be as stable as possible, simply because you want them to develop healthy pathways and not become "addicted" to the chemicals given off by the cycling.
You state you don't see clear highs and lows in your difficult child's behavior. This may mean he is in a "mixed" state, where he has both manic traits and depressive traits. This can be one of the toughest things to treat from what the docs told us. This is explained very well in The Bipolar Child, far better than I could explain it.
I realize that minimizing the amount of medications a child takes is important, but so is ensuring that their brain develops in a healthy way.
Doesn't it hoover to be caught up on this highwire? At least now you have us to talk to about things!
First and foremost in your treatment decisions should be getting all the info you can. Then you have to weight the info and figure out the options. When choosing an option ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS follow your instincts. If something feels very wrong, then it IS.
I hope this helps some.