Next step?...new challenge

[Copabanana]

When I said I cannot be involved, he asked to speak to husband

My son does that. Tries first with me. Then he goes to speak with the "rational" one. It still annoys me.

Really, what am I anxious about? I think my biggest fear now is that he will actually get out of jail and then what? Where to go?

For me it would be that he comes home to you. I find if I know my son is away from my town, somewhere safe, my life is 100x better.

My son is here in my town now. He keeps showing up, un-invited. We come home and find him sitting in front of the house. I hate it.

He seems to intend to stay here in our town. He wants to make his life my own responsibility. I do not know what to do because my son is disabled. I know he needs some support.

Over the last 6 months he has become less aggressive, less arrogant, less obsessed with marijuana...he steers away from topics that I do not want to touch. He went to the doctor which was very important to me. A bill arrived so I know he told the truth.

The other day he raised his voice to me in front of neighbors which is traumatizing to me. Six or seven years ago the neighbors called the police several times when he did this.

When I mentioned it to him (his yelling) several days later he said the reason he reacted was that I had said I was sorry I adopted him (not.) I told him: I said I realize I have failed him in part as a mother. He answered: That is the same thing.

I write this because it is seeming even to me that he is beginning to feel something...like a loss of our relationship beyond just the inability to extract favors or stuff. He is beginning to feel that there is something more important than his power over.

I do not much know where I am going here except to say that it is even harder when they stop abusing so much because the line is not so clear.

He is probably getting the idea that I am not there anymore to lean on and rely on, (and this is good, this was the point right? , to get it across that I have stopped enabling )

I think there is no point to what we do for them. The only reality and true thing is that we change for us.

To protect ourselves, our sanity, our hearts, our relationships, our other kids, our homes. That we have value. Our lives our valuable. Regardless of what they do or do not do. To draw back all of the energy we have expended so that they change.

The reality is that they may or may not change. And if they do they will do it for themselves. Only then.

My son is changing a little bit. It makes me afraid for myself. I liked it better with firm boundaries. I like having myself back. My life back.

We are at the point now where we are moving forward to terminate her parental rights.

Good. You and the kids need this legal protection. They will not be safe without it. I am happy for them. Thank G-d they have you. Thank goodness for you.

K you are doing really good.

COPA

 

[Devasted Mom]

I found you. I have read your story,all I can say it wow. You have so much on your table. Yet u are still able to give reassurance to others. I truly admire that. As I said I am the last one to give any insightful options. But I am here to give you hope for better days ahead. You see so clearly and express so well. You are truly admired