Not giving them what they want

[BusynMember]

Son called today in a stressed mood telling me I need to givent him positive reinforcement about his case "even though you do it all the time...I still need it. You do it sonetimes. You know how."

But I couldn't today I'm off tomorrow. Called dad. He's on it.

 

[mof]

Excellent! I bet that made you feel on top of it today!
Good boundary!

 

[BusynMember]

Thanks mof. I didn't get a chance to finish my post. He was so crazed and hateful today I'm still shaking. I'm ashamed to even put down what he said. He is really, sadly, very sick but in a mean way. Right now I am not even figuring out how this can be the kid I raised to love and care for people. The only person he seems to care about is him.

He said awful things about my other kids...I need a break from him. His words will ring in my head for a while.

 

[Tanya M]

SWOT, I'm so sorry he has been being so mean to you. You have always been there for him.

If I could, I would send you real flowers but these will have to do. Hope they give you a bright spot in your day.

 

[BusynMember]

Tanya, you are sunshine. Those flowers mean more to me than real ones.

Time to further detach. I am not going to be able to talk to him for a while.

 

[pasajes4]

I don't blame you. His behavior is reprehensible.

 

[BusynMember]

IT IS. PAS. THANKS for the validation. Just hard to wonder...how did he turn out this way....

 

[Lil]

Oh SWOT, I'm so sorry! I mean, what on earth is wrong with him? Or with any person who, when they want "positive reinforcement" are instead awful and nasty to the person they want it from? How does that make ANY sense in ANY way?

You won't be sweet to me? You

I mean really? In what world does that make the person feel inclined to be kind and loving toward you?

You are absolutely RIGHT to not speak to him for a while. I certainly wouldn't! The one time my kid ended a call with "eff you", I didn't speak to him for a couple weeks and when I did, I told him if he ever directed that word toward me again, it would be the last time we spoke for a very long time! He swears like a sailor in my presence...but it isn't directed AT me. Huge difference.

You stick to your guns. Do NOT let him hurt you this way anymore. If he wants someone to abuse...I'm sure there's a 900 number for that somewhere on the internet. I'd like to give him a good smack! He should be ashamed.

 

[mof]

Oh Swot....I'm sorry, but no one should feel bad except for him!

Your a loving mother who has been treated as a verbal punching bag. No excuses, no wondering....no more.

Huge hugs....

 

[BusynMember]

Lil, I am thinking of doing just that. It's my fault I allow him to get away with that. Honestly, Goneboy haunts me. I don't want to lose another person I love. I said love, not like.

But what kind of relationship is it if he can cuss me out and then say (get ready to cronge) that he is my only REAL child and the other kids are ports and that he should come first and bey only child. He is also in denial about his DNA connection to his father which is there is none. He was a speed bank baby. I blush to say he tells my hub that he, Bart, is the closest thing my ex has to a biological child. He is trying to minimize Princesses and Goneboys relationship to ex because they are adopted. That makes me sick. He does the same to me with Princess. Sonic and Jumper.

Son: I should have been an only child.

Only he never would have been. I wanted a lot of kids. I would have found ways to have more kids. Seriously, if he were my only child it would sort of been like having no child at all. He is hard to have a relationship with
How selfish. I have no words. I am glad I work tonight. I will get busy and forget about it.
My adopted kids are the loves of my life and I LIKE them too. Bart isy child and I love him, bit I don't like him. He is a narcissistic man through and through.

I feel no hope for him

 

[Lil]

In my opinion, it's much more admirable to choose to love a child than it is to procreate. I'm so sorry he can't see that, sorry for you and sorry for him. I've thought it myself lately, that loving someone is so much different than liking them.

I wish I could give you a big hug...and Bart a swift kick.

 

[BusynMember]

Thanks, Lil. I'd help with the kick.

Bart just wants all the attention, all the money, etc. I think there is a void in his heart.

There are people like this in my DNA. I am sorry he seemed to have inherited this lack of empathy. He was this w a y from toddlerhood.

No wonder he has no friends and doesn't even care. He has no relationship with his siblings. I wonder why.

I will hang in their, because he's my son If not fir thst, I wouldn't want to know him so sad.

 

[so ready to live]

SWOT- I'm so sorry. I too have been spoken to by Difficult Child in a way I'd prefer to not share-it's humiliating. BUT, I do know as a mom of 'biological" and "chosen" children, that I've felt the same absolute awe inspiring love with both. The minute they walked through my door, I felt a total bond, the same I felt after delivery.It's that moment when you know it's impossible to love anyone more than this. This alas, has also been my demise. A double edge sword. Hugs to you today. prayers.

 

[Childofmine]

It's okay to just do this---you don't have to explain or apologize...