Now she's trying to get pregnant

[dlgallant]

My difficult child who stole my car and ran away (on her 18th birthday) moved in with an abusive young man (was in jail for assault and child molestation as a juvenile) and has fabricated this fictitious life of drug abuse and crime for herself is now trying to get pregnant. I found 3 neg pregnancy tests in her room after she ran off. She is now telling people that she has previosly given 2 babies up for adoption, had many miscarriages, and has told this current guy that she is pregnant. They did a pregnancy test when the did a evaluation for a mental detention warrant and it was negative so I don't believe she is pregnant. (they said she wasn't a danger to herself so they couldn't hold her) She has been very promiscuous since she moved out and I have always believed she was trying to get pregnant. She did eventually leave the abusive guy and moved in with a very controlling young man and his wife (who seemed as though he was trying to start his own little harem) Now she's back with Mr. Abusive and I believe it's because she isn't pregnant and wants to try again.

One advantage of living in a small town is it's fairly easy to keep tabs on her. The down side is many people in town either believe her lies or think she's off her rocker.

I know there's nothing I can do to help her if she doesn't want to help herself, but I'm praying that she doesn't get pregnant for herself and a baby's sake. The frustrating part is my daughter finally did go to an attorney to try and sort out her legal mess but the clerk's office couldn't get the paperwork sorted out and now she won't go back. She also attempted to make an appointment with a counselor but they took her number and never called back that day. She now views that as nobody really cares so why bother. She may not have ever saw anything through, but she was so close and reaching out on her own and bureaucracy derailed it.

 

[Suz]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">bureaucracy derailed it </div></div>

That is annoying as heck but you will know that she is maturing when she stops using excuses to not making a second attempt at getting help. I hope she reconsiders and tries both again.

Suz

 

[KFld]

Well, I pray she does not get pregnant. There are to many babies brought into this lifestyle and they are the ones who suffer for it.

I know there is nothing you can do, but I also know how hard it is to sit back and watch, or should I say hear, because it sounds like you are hearing most of this through the grapevine.

 

[dlgallant]

Yes, most of what I know is what I hear from others. I'm trying to not let her life control my every day. For a month I barely got dressed during the day because I was so depressed. It's so hard to know what are the things you can change and what you just have to accept. I don't want to buy trouble but if she does get pregnant there will be a whole new bucket of problems to deal with. Right now I'm trying to stay focused on the only thing I can do for her, but not obsess over it. The prosecutor wants to use the charges against her to force her into counseling. I'm not terribly hopeful this will work, but it is the last card I am holding.

 

[Sunlight]

no wonder you are exhausted and broken hearted. sigh.

 

[tandem biker]

I can honestly relate to your fervent hope that she not get pregnant. My difficult child stepdaughter desperately wanted, and succeeded in becoming pregnant at a point when her marriage was unstable and neither her nor her husband could emotionally or financially take care of themselves. Unfortunately my greatest fears were realized: she and her husband came to blows and split 4 months before the baby was born (we do not know his involvement now with her or her 1-year-old nor whether he's providing any support) and she's still unable to care emotionally or financially for herself let alone now her 1+ year-old son. Divorce nor bankruptcy plans are nowhere on her "list open for discussion." Thus with only a part-time income for the past 6 months, her needs are greater than ever and her demands are more obstinate than ever.

I long suspected that the baby would become a tool for difficult child to use to ensure that husband (and I) and her mom would continue to take care of her needs/wants when they had finally been pushed to the limits and had issued their final financial cut-off threats. After all, how could we let a baby suffer?? I fully supported giving the baby up for adoption but even though husband and I talked to her numerous times about the idea, she was dead set on keeping the baby. husband and ex and even easy child then became so excited about the idea of a baby and encouraged her that she would have their support and so all was right in Katie's world - mission accomplished. Now they wonder if Katie will ever be able to provide for herself and the baby - why does she need to? She's got them into the corner where she wants them.

I would strongly support the prosecutor's idea of "using the charges against her to force her into counseling." We were never ever successful in getting Katie help with a counselor and as an adult, I know she doesn't believe in it. I've always wondered if it could have helped her. Maybe it could help your difficult child.

Best wishes.

 

[dlgallant]

Wow, it never crossed my mind that difficult child might be trying to ensure she has a home and support. When she's in these episodes she does doubt her ability to succeed. I just assumed she was looking to fill some emotional void. Could even be a combination of the 2. I'm just praying we get her back into counseling before she gets pregnant.