Hi All, This just really threw me for a loop. My adopted daughter, age 35, is currently in jail for violation of probation. Awaiting for a court time...I am sure that will take many months. I just found out yesterday (long story) I believe she is pregnant. In the state where she is, after she gives birth, either the father will have to agree to take the baby or the baby will go into foster care. My daughter had been pregnant once before and the baby died in utero due to anencephaly. I am not sure why, but this has sent me into a tail spin. I feel anxious and tearful.
Now what do I do???
- Thread starter LetGo
- Start date
This will be hard if she is pregnant. Would the state determine who is the biological dad first? Would they consider any of your daughters relatives, if they wish to step up? Would there be any one at the jail who could answer basic questions as to their policy? They probably won't discuss your daughter's medical condition without a release.
This might be an area completely out of your control...which is hard. Keep saying the serenity prayer, or read the article on detachment on this site. Let me know if you can't find it. Hugs. Ksm
This might be an area completely out of your control...which is hard. Keep saying the serenity prayer, or read the article on detachment on this site. Let me know if you can't find it. Hugs. Ksm
Thanks for answering, ksm. I am feeling better today. My daughter has no relatives (except me and birth brother who has no contact with her). The state she is in, it is possible that if the baby is born while she is in jail, they might try to have the father take the baby or the baby will go into foster care. This is out of my control. To be honest, the more I sit with it, I don't want to have any control in this situation. That probably sounds callous but for my sanity, it's what is best for me.
Fairy dust
Member
I agree with you Let Go. She has made her choices and now has consequences. You have no control. Only over your own life and your own journey. It’s time to take care of YOU! Hugs because I know how hard this is!
Thanks so much, Fairy Dust. Intellectually, I know what you say is true. My heart, sometimes, is another matter...I'd like my head and my heart to come to agreement!!
MommaTried24
Active Member
That's exactly how I feel too.
Fairy dust
Member
I know. I struggle with it as well. That’s when I read the article on detachment over, and over again on the hard days. It does help.
MommaTried24
Active Member
I need to do that too then. Thank you so much. I'm glad it helps you. It's such a heartbreaking place to be and God knows we all need all the help we can get.
Oh, I feel for you and with you. I keep reminding myself how challenging my daughter was to raise, what a challenging adult she is, and to just let it all be. I certainly did the very best that I could. It sounds like you did the very best that you could as well, MommaTried24. The article on detachment does help when I read it. I need to re-read it. It keeps my heart from taking over a little bit.
katebrownell86
New Member
It's incredibly difficult to process news like this, especially with so many uncertainties. It's understandable to feel anxious and tearful given the circumstances. Take things one step at a time, lean on your support network, and make sure to take care of yourself as you navigate this challenging period. If you need to talk or vent, we're here for you.
Thanks so much, KateBrownell86! I have felt so supported here in a very short time. All of my daughter's situation waxes and wanes with me, always has.
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. I went through something similar a few years ago, and it was really tough. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed and emotional. Lean on your support system as much as you can right now. Sometimes just talking to someone who understands can make a big difference.
SeekinghopeNZ
New Member
We all are the broken calloused hearts… trying to find a way to walk through these journeys not completely defeated. Our hearts do have callouses, they are calloused from the injury, pressure and friction that we have to endure. Callouses also provide a layer of protection.
Thank you for your words...they are all so true. I do have a calloused heart from all of the "stuff" over the years. And that callous very much allows me to protect myself. It doesn't mean I don't care at some level, I just need to take care of me. Thinking of you, too, SeekinghopeNZ
Thank you, Nethialo. I find support here, for sure. I know this is a group that understands.
