New Leaf
Well-Known Member
Woke up this morning in kind of a funk, two weeks since the abrupt exodus. Lord help me swallow this big lump in my throat. It is not easy. Trying not to worry. Trying to get used to not seeing my grandchildren. Husband seems to be unaffected, it is a guy thing I suppose.
I have decided that when I feel this way I will meditate and say a prayer for all of them.
My daughter continues in her pattern of righteous indignation. After all, according to her, her lifestyle is all "my fault".
I don't buy in to that-just saying. So, I know I will not be hearing from her for a long while. What is, is.
Her boyfriend texted me looking for paperwork left behind; "Can you pick me up from the bus stop so I can come get it?" "No, I will look for it and drop it off to you at the bus stop if I find it" He says thank you and by the way we need a letter saying that she and the kids had to get out." "What for?" "So we can get into a program. Im just the messenger."
Hmmm. So I sit down and write a short letter-
To whom it may concern:
Our daughter _____ through her choices, actions and statements has made it clear that her father and I are not able to provide the help she needs to build a better life for herself and her children. We are praying that she and her children will be able to find a living arrangement where they will all receive help through counseling.
We love our daughter and her children dearly and wish only the best for them. We realize now after reviewing the past several years and attempts we have made to help, that it has only enabled _____ to continue on a destructive path. As grandparents, we have no right to make decisions for our grandchildren, she is their parent, and they are her responsibility. Through our “help”, we have not empowered our daughter to reach her full potential as an adult and mother.
Therefore, as of _____ 2015_____ and her children are no longer able to live in our home. We are hoping that with the proper help, counseling and guidance she needs, our daughter will be able to overcome any obstacles, to learn to make better choices, to work on sobriety and focus on the wellbeing and care of her children.
I do not think this is the letter that they envisioned, but I refuse to write something to the tune that we "kicked them out." She needs to take responsibility for her actions, and I have to stop allowing her to bait me by dangling the grandchildren in front of us.
This will take some time to get over, and a lot of work to forge a new way of thinking, and becoming proactive rather than reactive. Just have to continue on, learn and grow from this and ride the emotional roller coaster as it comes.
I read an interesting article on love and boundaries. It pretty much summed it up by saying that if we don't set healthy boundaries, we are not loving ourselves, and if we do not love ourselves, we are incapable of loving others.
I wish I had this understanding and resolve years ago. But, I suppose everything is learned in it's due time.
I will continue to pray that my daughter sees her worth and potential, and sees the blessing she has with healthy children.
Thanks to all here for your support and kindness, I hope this day has brought you peace.
I have decided that when I feel this way I will meditate and say a prayer for all of them.
My daughter continues in her pattern of righteous indignation. After all, according to her, her lifestyle is all "my fault".
I don't buy in to that-just saying. So, I know I will not be hearing from her for a long while. What is, is.
Her boyfriend texted me looking for paperwork left behind; "Can you pick me up from the bus stop so I can come get it?" "No, I will look for it and drop it off to you at the bus stop if I find it" He says thank you and by the way we need a letter saying that she and the kids had to get out." "What for?" "So we can get into a program. Im just the messenger."
Hmmm. So I sit down and write a short letter-
To whom it may concern:
Our daughter _____ through her choices, actions and statements has made it clear that her father and I are not able to provide the help she needs to build a better life for herself and her children. We are praying that she and her children will be able to find a living arrangement where they will all receive help through counseling.
We love our daughter and her children dearly and wish only the best for them. We realize now after reviewing the past several years and attempts we have made to help, that it has only enabled _____ to continue on a destructive path. As grandparents, we have no right to make decisions for our grandchildren, she is their parent, and they are her responsibility. Through our “help”, we have not empowered our daughter to reach her full potential as an adult and mother.
Therefore, as of _____ 2015_____ and her children are no longer able to live in our home. We are hoping that with the proper help, counseling and guidance she needs, our daughter will be able to overcome any obstacles, to learn to make better choices, to work on sobriety and focus on the wellbeing and care of her children.
I do not think this is the letter that they envisioned, but I refuse to write something to the tune that we "kicked them out." She needs to take responsibility for her actions, and I have to stop allowing her to bait me by dangling the grandchildren in front of us.
This will take some time to get over, and a lot of work to forge a new way of thinking, and becoming proactive rather than reactive. Just have to continue on, learn and grow from this and ride the emotional roller coaster as it comes.
I read an interesting article on love and boundaries. It pretty much summed it up by saying that if we don't set healthy boundaries, we are not loving ourselves, and if we do not love ourselves, we are incapable of loving others.
I wish I had this understanding and resolve years ago. But, I suppose everything is learned in it's due time.
I will continue to pray that my daughter sees her worth and potential, and sees the blessing she has with healthy children.
Thanks to all here for your support and kindness, I hope this day has brought you peace.
