PAY ATTENTION TO INKLINGS, even if you're "off" on some specifics!!!!

[TheyAreLegallyAdultsNow]

I recently found electronic correspondence dated almost two years agowhere
I openly confronted the woman my husband and I suspected was attempting to usurp our parental authority.

It turns out NOW, almost two full years later...
It is ONE FULL YEAR SINCE THAT WOMAN INSTRUCTED OUR DAUGHTER TO CUT ALL TIES WITH US and has been GLEEFULLY "playing mommy" to my our adult-daughter!!!!!!

That woman NEEDED to be confronted. Hindsight is 20/20. Oh, that we had confronted her more strongly!!!!!

One major glitch at the time I initially addressed her was our RADdaughter lied to my husband and me about details of the situation we were confronting.

(Surprise! Surprise!!! ...oh. wait tell me again about the symptoms of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)?

Believing our adultRADdaughter made US look silly.

(Explain to me again... how does this Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) thing works? ohhhh....!)

So... I was off on the IRRELEVANT details, YET I had hit the heart of the issue right in the dead center of the bulls-eye!

In that back-and-forth correspondence I apologized for my foolishness in believing my daughter, but I maintained that the GIST of what was happening was majorly inappropriate...

We had an inkling!
We knew!!!
That woman was ABSOLUTELY trying to usurp our parental authority over our 21-year-old-young-adult-living-at-OUR-home-Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)-daughter. The last full year is so-much-more evidence than ANYONE-with-a-brain could ever need.
...THAT WOMAN responded to my JUSTIFIED concerns by TELLING ME that I have "SERIOUS BOUNDARY ISSUES."

AND
I "need to realize" that MY DAUGHTER IS AN ADULT!

So... for more than the last full year our adult-Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)-daughter has been living with her new "mommy and daddy" sleeping in their baby bed, eating their baby food being the little baby girl they never had.

Explain to me AGAIN how I need to realize that our daughter is an Adult?

This is not a "peer" our "adult" Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)-daughter has moved in with. It is a woman a few years older than me and that woman's "current" husband old enough to be my daughter's great-grandfather! They supposedly "fell in love" while they were in church married to other spouses at the time. They supposedly realized that was wrong after devastating the lives of those closest to them and "turned a new leaf" in a different church, which they were later "wrongly" kicked out of. ...tell me again how I have boundary issues?

(Our daughter, "Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) incarnate" even lists the wicked woman and her wicked husband as her "mommy and daddy" online.)

A third party observer told me not too long ago it is "SICK" the way "that EVIL woman and her husband" are behaving!!!!!!

Funny/Sad sidenote... When the 30-days were up for my daughter to collect the belongings I had moved into a storage facility, the young woman working at the storage center asked me "Who is THAT WOMAN your daughter comes in here with?"

Interesting thing is... that woman; an overzealous-internet-student-of-counseling who constantly lives well past the borders of anything that appears remotely ethical, told me BEFORE ANY OF THIS TRANSPIRED that she was fascinated to learn VIA "e-mail-University" that
"when people who accuse others of ridiculous unfounded motives it is usually a huge indicator that accusations being asserted are actually things THE ACCUSER THEM-SELF has
major psychiatric issues with."...ya think?!!!!!!!


Shopping for a "new mommy" is TYPICAL Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) BEHAVIOR.
see link below...
http://adoption.families.com/blog/ten-ways-to-support-to-a-Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)-mom

Number 5 out of the top 10...
TRUE FRIENDS of adoptive parents will not "fall into the trap of hearing the child say, "I wish you were my mom, you are much better then the one I got." Children with Reactive Attachment Disorder often shop for new, improved and better parents."

 

[ThreeShadows]

been there done that, our usurpers, who never were in the trenches fighting for the mental/physical health of our sons, will be at difficult child 2's wedding. I've been told to swallow my pride or stay home. Those are my choices. I find it really hard to detach from my anger. I wish they would fall off the face of this earth.

 

[ThreeShadows]

I think that some people have a major problem seeing adoption as a viable and legal way to parent. Our usurper told me that her mother gave birth to her half sister, got up and abandoned both of them, then this **** said "we were almost put up for adoption, can you IMAGINE that?". I told her that "yes, I could imagine that!".

Karma will come and get these people, I can imagine THAT!!!

 

[TheyAreLegallyAdultsNow]

Thanks so much for your understanding feedback ThreeShadows!

It seems to me these unbalanced enablers are almost trying to go back through time and "save themselves" from their own issues.

Indeed... I believe they will reap what they sow!

 

[Nomad]

All along I have wondered what in the world is wrong with- that woman.
She has been manipulative (to say the least).
Huge red flags when someone accusses YOU of not being well....when your intuition is screaming at you and evidence is mounting backing you up.
"They" meaning the manipulating ones....play on the hearts of those who are unsure of themselves.
What a heartache.
FOLLOW YOUR INTUITION. FOLLOW YOUR INTUITION. FOLLOW YOUR INTUITION.
It might take time for the evidence to come, but more than likely it will come.
I agee, in time, they will reep what they sow.
In the mean time, what are the lessons for you in all this? For one, your intuition is good/healthy/to be trusted/respected.
For another, if you ask someone a question, and they imply that you are 'crazy' for asking the question....that is a red flag. They are diverting the attention back to you. It is a form of manipulation the GUILTY use....often used by sociopaths if you ask me.
Not sure what the answer (s) is/are in all of this. I do wish there was a way you could subtley let your children know that you are avialble/open to them, if they are willing to behave appropriately and respectfully.
They are adults now and bottom line, they are free to make their choices and its healthy for you to set limits.
But this has got to be a BAD feeling all around...my heart goes out to you. (((((HUGS)))))

p.s. Some folks try to 'usurp' our parenting role not too long ago. Guess what? They recently GAVE UP. LOL! MIght be partially 'cause I didn't fight it.

 

[TheyAreLegallyAdultsNow]

if you ask someone a question, and they imply that you are 'crazy' for asking the question....that is a red flag. They are diverting the attention back to you. It is a form of manipulation the GUILTY use....often used by sociopaths if you ask me.

Thanks Nomad I agree!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So very awesome to hear that the usurper gave up in your situation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Control freaks don't enjoy putting on a show when the audience walks out... right?
You were smart to ignore the attempts.

For us, the "kids" need to be strong enough to walk in healing before we can be safe around them. We continue to love them...just from long distance for now... until such a time where we can really be safe.

 

[susiestar]

I am so sorry that you and your children were attacked by these people, and that they were able to influence your children so negatively. Sick and dysfunctional people tend to attract each other. I cannot count the number of kids my uncle's ex influenced in horrible ways.

Hindsight is always 20/20, and often dredges up a lot of old pain. If it helps you process the pain and put it to rest then it is helpful. If it just makes you hurt more then you need to put it away until a time when you can process it all and take away its power to hurt you.

This woman sounds a LOT like a sociopath, or someone with some kind of mental illness. I am sorry your children chose her rather than the family that loves them in healthy ways. Work on your mental health and emotions so that you can move forward with less pain and better ways to cope and enjoy life.

 

[TheyAreLegallyAdultsNow]

Thanks SusieStar! I think I am in the "processing pain" mode. It was helpful for me to see not only did we have suspicions, but we addressed them. We left things at that point "IF friendship were to continue, the topic of her "mothering" other peoples children, (especially MINE) promoting rebellion and defiance would have to be an area where we'd have to agree to disagree.

Friendship ended the day that woman became the self-appointed "savior" to our daughter and son. You may be right... she could be a sociopath. She may very well have mental illness. She has been under the counsel of a man with a very serious state reprimand against his license for past unethical conduct. She supposedly has a standing Tuesday afternoon appointment as his patient... and he supposedly is grooming her to take over his practice when he dies (she's an internet student of counseling, he's dying of cancer).

I peek at the CD boards periodically because I really don't believe it is healthy for me to "dwell" in this mess, but there is definitely healing in "sharing" my experiences/frustrations/emotions and "caring" for others in similar situations loving children who don't know how to love back.

The truth is my husband and I have got a beautiful life ahead of us... Parenting our bio-child and adopted-children was a beautiful season of life. They are adults now.

My husband and I are SO VERY GRATEFUL for the abundance of wonderful interactions with our healthy-attached-bio adult-daughter.

We pray for the others. Our Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) adoptees and their "rescuers/enablers."

We realize our adopted children didn't choose their origin. They didn't choose their mental illness.

We pray they will one day be strong enough to make healthy-but-difficult-choices that will take them along a path of healing.