Please no judgement .....

[RN0441]

Colleen;

You should go. We have a condo in Florida and we are going for a week in April. In fact my husband wants to extend to ten days. I am nervous about leaving my Difficult Child alone for that long but as he said, what can he do in 10 days that he cannot do in 7? I do it because we need our couple time to keep our marriage strong and I need down time to keep my sanity. I need to know that I can be a part of the normal world at least while I'm gone.

In some ways I think it's good when you are away unless your in total crisis mode. They like time away from the parents and it's good to have them be responsible for themselves, the house, pets etc. as in our case.

 

[BusynMember]

There is nothing you can do for your son by postponing your vacation. Nothing. Can you think of anything that you could do?
In the end, they do what they do and it is whether or not we are home. My daughter got into serious trouble even living in our house and even when we were in town, which was all the time.
Please consider how much you and your husband need to have fun. As they say in al anon, you didnt cause it, you cant control it and you cant cure it.
But you can be nice to yourself, a very loving person who deserves a respite from the stress.
Hugs!!!

 

[GStorm]

I don't know if it was on the forum, or if it was somewhere else, but I remember somebody saying that there is a case to be made for paying off the dealer. Sometimes, the dealer will come after not just the user (who is sub-dealing), but also the dealer's family.

If he actually uses the cash to pay off the dealer and change his life, it will be good. If he doesn't follow through, you will know where he stands.

Sometimes there are no "right" answers, and we just do the best we can, often relying on a gut feel. No judgement from me.

None from me either. Maybe this will turn his life around. You did what was in your heart. His actions will tell you if he has learned from this and will live differently. If not, you just learned a lesson that cost you $1200. But I think you wanted to help him. Maybe this will be your last time? Sometimes we have to hit bittom just like the addict. God bless you.
((( HUGS)))
GStorm

 

[Kathy813]

Gstorm, this is an old thread.

 

[mof]

Go......nothing you can control.

We r learning this also.

Hard times

 

[Littleboylost]

I recommend watching the show Intervention. It shows both what the addicts do and how desperate many mothers get. A few have driven their kids to their dealers house, paying for the dope, because they could not stand to see how sick (called dope sick) their kids get when they dont have their drugs. It is amazing what moms will do to do our best to make our kids comfortable.
The first time I saw a parent do this on the show I was flabbetgasted, but she turned out not to be the only one. Of course the interventist insisted the mothers stop if they want their kids to quit and get well.
After getting hooked on this show I learned way more than I ever knew about addiction, but I also saw that a family intervention often works. I reccomend one to all parents of drug adficted adults. The person can refuse to enter the rehab, but most do go and most succeed.
If I had known about interventions when my daughter used, I would have had one.
Hugs and warm wishes.

I recommend watching the show Intervention. It shows both what the addicts do and how desperate many mothers get. A few have driven their kids to their dealers house, paying for the dope, because they could not stand to see how sick (called dope sick) their kids get when they dont have their drugs. It is amazing what moms will do to do our best to make our kids comfortable.
The first time I saw a parent do this on the show I was flabbetgasted, but she turned out not to be the only one. Of course the interventist insisted the mothers stop if they want their kids to quit and get well.
After getting hooked on this show I learned way more than I ever knew about addiction, but I also saw that a family intervention often works. I reccomend one to all parents of drug adficted adults. The person can refuse to enter the rehab, but most do go and most succeed.
If I had known about interventions when my daughter used, I would have had one.
Hugs and warm wishes.

i would caution pitting so much into intervention. There is a big move away from confrontation intervention as the results are not very positive in terms of long term sobriety.
Drug and Alcohol Interventions: Do They Work?

 

[ColleenB]

This is almost two years old and things have definitely changed in our life and our sons.

So thankful for this community, and the support I have always been given.

Son made supper tonight for us, and then headed to the gym. He just walked in the door laughing at the strong garlic smell from his cooking ... haha....

Things can get better friends. Hang in there.