I've coined this term myself, as I see N* navigate through four Potential Sperm Donors (PSDs), and though she is now in her second trimester, she has two new guys she's juggling. I needed a new acronym for them, and decided she doesn't really want a boyfriend for a give and take relationship - she just wants the take part, so I've decided to call them Adoring Subjects (AS).
She has broken it off with each of the PSDs - so that would leave her without an AS, so she went in search for new ones. While she was on the phone the other night, lying to one of the new AS about where she was the night before, he must have caught her lying and then she started in on her tired monologue, "I can't be with someone who doesn't trust me. If you want a relationship to work, you have to be able to trust the other person. I mean, look, I can't be with you if you have some commitment issues or still hung up on something that happened to you in the past. You can't hold what somebody else did to you against me. I had nothing to do with that. That's not fair to me. I mean, I'm not holding what my ex did to me against you, am I? That would be stupid." I spelled the words correctly and took out all the profanity for clarity.
What is it? I've shared she grew up without a father - her mother's poor choice in a sperm donor, coupled with my being adamant that creep wasn't coming anywhere near her when she came to live with me - figuring no father was better than creep for a father.
Today, we went to see a social worker to discuss open adoptions. When the woman asked about the birth father, N* looked at me, shrugged and said, "I don't know who the father is - but I think there's only two." My jaw dropped - because when she went in for the first sonogram at the crisis pregnancy center, she thought there were three PSDs, but when they determined the age of the baby, and gave her the time frame she became pregnant, three turned into four. I told the social worker this, as it is important for an adoptive family to know just what they are dealing with, and if THEY choose to become the parents to her baby. The social worker said she'd heard these kinds of stories before, and there were legalities to work through, but they could be resolved.
She also gave N* some phone numbers for social welfare agencies / programs for N* to investigate on her own, if she'd decide to parent the child herself.
I went to a bookstore tonight - my refuge. I asked about books for parents of pregnant teens. None existed in that store. Guess I should check online. While the shock of her pregnancy has worn off, the anger, bitterness, and disappointment still linger. When she discusses keeping the baby, I have to repeat the "detach, detach" mantra in my head. She somehow thinks being 18, living on welfare, hating the baby's father, having no job, no money, no driver's license, no car, and no high school diploma is all that's needed. Wow - why did I waste my time with being a kid first, then maturing through my 20's while I got an education, a stable job, a stable home, some money in the bank?
The social worker today asked if N* was getting proper nutrition, as the baby will take everything from its mother that it needs while in the womb, leaving the mother with what is left. I told her she needed to amend that statement somewhat. It doesn't stop once the baby is born...a child will take everything it need from its mother, too, leaving the mother with what's left.
Praying for a family with love enough to embrace both N* and her little one.
She has broken it off with each of the PSDs - so that would leave her without an AS, so she went in search for new ones. While she was on the phone the other night, lying to one of the new AS about where she was the night before, he must have caught her lying and then she started in on her tired monologue, "I can't be with someone who doesn't trust me. If you want a relationship to work, you have to be able to trust the other person. I mean, look, I can't be with you if you have some commitment issues or still hung up on something that happened to you in the past. You can't hold what somebody else did to you against me. I had nothing to do with that. That's not fair to me. I mean, I'm not holding what my ex did to me against you, am I? That would be stupid." I spelled the words correctly and took out all the profanity for clarity.
What is it? I've shared she grew up without a father - her mother's poor choice in a sperm donor, coupled with my being adamant that creep wasn't coming anywhere near her when she came to live with me - figuring no father was better than creep for a father.
Today, we went to see a social worker to discuss open adoptions. When the woman asked about the birth father, N* looked at me, shrugged and said, "I don't know who the father is - but I think there's only two." My jaw dropped - because when she went in for the first sonogram at the crisis pregnancy center, she thought there were three PSDs, but when they determined the age of the baby, and gave her the time frame she became pregnant, three turned into four. I told the social worker this, as it is important for an adoptive family to know just what they are dealing with, and if THEY choose to become the parents to her baby. The social worker said she'd heard these kinds of stories before, and there were legalities to work through, but they could be resolved.
She also gave N* some phone numbers for social welfare agencies / programs for N* to investigate on her own, if she'd decide to parent the child herself.
I went to a bookstore tonight - my refuge. I asked about books for parents of pregnant teens. None existed in that store. Guess I should check online. While the shock of her pregnancy has worn off, the anger, bitterness, and disappointment still linger. When she discusses keeping the baby, I have to repeat the "detach, detach" mantra in my head. She somehow thinks being 18, living on welfare, hating the baby's father, having no job, no money, no driver's license, no car, and no high school diploma is all that's needed. Wow - why did I waste my time with being a kid first, then maturing through my 20's while I got an education, a stable job, a stable home, some money in the bank?
The social worker today asked if N* was getting proper nutrition, as the baby will take everything from its mother that it needs while in the womb, leaving the mother with what is left. I told her she needed to amend that statement somewhat. It doesn't stop once the baby is born...a child will take everything it need from its mother, too, leaving the mother with what's left.
Praying for a family with love enough to embrace both N* and her little one.
