Principal calls. difficult child sleeping. Wants me to come get him, he's "wasting their time".

[Jena]

hi

i'm sorry im late to this. neverending with this school huh..? i agree with-marg in regards to who to invite to meeting also.

i just wanted to jump in wish you luck with this, i hope you are having a fun night Hannah Montana movie was surprisingly great i thought.

something hits me physical problem as well possibly. have you ever had a sleep study done for him? i'm sorry my memory is shot!

 

[1905]

We had a parent say to us, as she dropped her son off at out classroom, "He's tired, if he falls asleep, just let him." we said, "This isn't a daycare, you'll have to pick him up if he falls asleep." We work! (This is a child with a 1:1 by the way.) Why in the world would you want your child to be there if he's asleep? His purpose is to learn. It sounds like they are allowing him to be at the nurse's office, which is truly above and beyond. Plus, he was,after all ,at the movies! I don't mean to play the deils advocate, but some parents, send their kids to school sick, etc.... they don't want to deal with their child and are fine with us doing their job. One parent recently got mad because we called her two days in a row to pick up her child, sent to school with a fever. She said, "Why are you doing this to me again!" after the 2nd day.

We have a child that is truly filthy, we would never tell the parents, that's not our place, but we do have a book documenting everything. ( How he came to school with the same dirt as the day before, in the same clothes, etc.... ) And it is a book long.

 

[totoro]

When K started at this new School her Teacher walked her out one day and told us she had gone to the nurses to "rest".
I was a bit upset, thinking why didn't they call me if she is sick?
Miss. T said K wasn't sick she just wasn't doing well and needed to "rest". K ended up sleeping for 2 hours.
I was floored that they let her and that no-one "bugged" me to pick her up! I automatically assumed they would have felt like she was wasting their time.
The wonderful nurse explained it to me, that sometimes kids just need to re-charge, take some time, whatever. But if they are not sick, which she checks, why send them home?
She especially feels VERY strongly about this in regards to Special Needs kids, kids on medications and above all Kindergartners.
The whole School feels this way.

I was at the Kindergarten Roundup yesterday for N and she announced this to the whole group of parents.

K has now done this a couple of times, once when raging and running from the School!
I have never been called and really didn't need to be.

At her last School I was called so many times over the stupidest things...

The School is here to nurture our kids as well. in my opinion

I also hope he has a good time going to a movie.

 

[flutterby]

In our district, sleeping isn't a reason to stay home...and if you keep a kid home for that enough times, you'll be charged with truancy (at that age, the parents would be charged). Being sick isn't much of one either, which is probably why we've had them close school for a long weekend when sick kids have spread their bugs to everyone else and the entire school is infected. They want them at school if their temp is below 100.4. And, yes, they send home that information at the beginning of the school year. That certainly doesn't mean their not sick. easy child's temp rarely went above 100, even with strep. Which means if he went to the nurse at school because he didn't feel well and his temp was below 100.4, they wouldn't call me. And most of the time, he was truly sick. So, he just stayed there all day spreading germs to everyone else, besides being miserable. I certainly don't want my kid to be sick and untreated PLUS infecting everyone else.

When difficult child was in the 3rd grade, she went to the office repeatedly one day complaining of her ears hurting. No temp so they sent her back to class. On the 4th visit, they called me very annoyed. I explained to them that she typically didn't run fevers with ear infections (which is what I assumed it was) and picked her up. Turned out she had a mild concussion from an accident at school.

When difficult child was in kindergarten, she went to the office just about everyday to rest. She only went to school for 1/2 a day. I didn't know until almost the end of the year. No one ever told me. That really frustrated me, of course, because she was in therapy and it would have been really good information to have.

We didn't do late night activities. She got to bed at a decent time. Let's not blame the mom.

easy child has *always* required more sleep. Freshman and sophomore years, he would sleep up to 16 hours a day. I took him to the doctor several times and always got a clean bill of health. I can't count the number of times he's been tested for mono (which he didn't get until January)...metabolic panels, you name it. Even as a little kid, he slept 10-12 hours a night. Every night.

 

[Marguerite]

It seems that standards vary and what is done will vary, from district to district and school to school.

BUT - the difference in this case, is this has already been addressed at the IEP meeting and strategy agreed on - to leave him undisturbed if he falls asleep in class.

So who is behind the change in procedure, why, and why are they going directly against the previously-agreed IEP?

Whatever is the accepted position for other kids - THIS kid shouldn't be disturbed. If there are concerns that this procedure is not longer appropriate then BEFORE a change is made, there needs to be consultation with the family, preferably via another IEP meeting.

There are strong reasons for things being done this way.

My biggest concern here - someone has decided unilaterally to circumvent the IEP process. This is bad for the school staff, it's bad for the parents, it's bad for the child. IEP works because it is a group consensus. It requires full communication and full cooperation. When it works well, it's the best for everybody. When some one person takes it in their heads to move the goalposts, they shouldn't be too surprised when others who are on the playing field cry "Foul!"

It's time to call in the referee to adjudicate and get this game back on track where it should be.

Marg

 

[Shari]

UpAllNight - My son has sleep issues. Somestimes he falls asleep at 4pm and sleeps all night. Other times he won't sleep at all thru the night and will be fine all thru the next day, as well. We've done sleep studies, etc, trying to find a cause, but thus far have not.
***
The 2 days he fell asleep at school were after he'd gone to sleep around 7pm the nights before. He did not fall asleep at school the day after we went to the movie.
***
His sleep problems and their impact at school are addressed in the IEP, yet the principal decided he didn't like it on Wednesday and called me to come get difficult child, instead of doing what the IEP says. The para, it seems, was standing outside the room where difficult child was sleeping reading a newspaper. Apparently, principal didn't like that.
***
He also blames me for difficult child's sleep problems. It surely HAS to be something I am doing at home that is making him overly tired.
***
FWIW, this same principal decided difficult child would only go to school half days, also. And when we started to lengthen his day, the school is not providing a 1:1 for that time " I'm leaving work every day to go to school to be my child's para for an hour and a half because the school won't provide one that can/will work with my son during that time.
***
I don't want my son at school sleeping. However, since principal decided he only goes half days and they are not giving him any tutoring outside of school hours, he cant afford to waste time not being there when he does wake up. He rarely sleeps more than 15-30 minutes " it would take me longer to get there to get him than he usually sleeps. Besides that, both times this week that he fell asleep was after they locked him in the little closet/aka safe room for misbehaving. He was behind the nurse's office, principal's office, and secretary. Any of the 3 could have watched him sleep without keeping a para tied up, even tho its in the IEP to keep the para with him at all times.
***
My son also has sensory issues and owns 5 pairs of the same pants. That, too, is in their notes, but I'll bet its also in their notes that he wears the same pants nearly every day.
***
difficult child 1 slept a lot, too. He literally would fall asleep in the car daily during a 4 minute ride. I had him checked time and again, too, and they found nothing. And all of us run a lower-than-normal temp by a significant amount. We rarely run a high enough "fever" to get thrown out of any place, but if we hit 99 or 100, we're sick, and even tho the school nurse won't send them home at that temp, I keep them home at that temp. I hate is when others send sick kids to school or who go to work sick. That's one time its not nice to share.
***
On a good note, I heard thru the grapevine last night, from a pretty reliable source, that principal pretty boy is leaving after this year. Can you guys hear me crying???

 

[SRL]

His sleep problems and their impact at school are addressed in the IEP, yet the principal decided he didn't like it on Wednesday and called me to come get difficult child, instead of doing what the IEP says. The para, it seems, was standing outside the room where difficult child was sleeping reading a newspaper. Apparently, principal didn't like that.
***
He also blames me for difficult child's sleep problems. It surely HAS to be something I am doing at home that is making him overly tired.
***
FWIW, this same principal decided difficult child would only go to school half days, also. And when we started to lengthen his day, the school is not providing a 1:1 for that time " I'm leaving work every day to go to school to be my child's para for an hour and a half because the school won't provide one that can/will work with my son during that time.
???

Shari, what I keep reading over and over again is that the school is making educating your difficult child your problem. You're missing work and shadowing him, you're being called when he's sleeping, you're expected to take care of him half days so the school only deals with him for half a day.

Legally this is all wrong. It is the school's responsibility to educate your son. If they don't know how to handle him, then they need to be calling in and paying for educational consultants who do. If the aides aren't trained to handle him, then the school needs to provide the training, even if it means sending them out or bringing someone in. If they can't provide an appropriate educational setting for him for the full day, then they need to create one within the district or pay to have him transported to another site (private or in another district) that has a program in place. If an IEP is in place that specifies that if difficult child does X, then Y is to happen, then that's what they should do without bothering you at work. If he needs a para and it's agreed upon by the team in the IEP, then they should be providing it for the X number of minutes per day it's specified.

All of this is not optional--it's the LAW. Paying an advocate or educational attorney to get them to do their job would probably be cheaper and less frustrating in the long run than continually missing work and risking your job. The more you do, the more the school will rely on you. The more your son succeeds in this setting with you in tow, pushing/prodding and/or or picking up the slack, the less leverage you will have to show that the school is not doing their job because he will be more apt to meet his goals and make the grades.

I know parents who forced our district to create a class for their child with multiple disabilities because nothing existed in the district or in the area. He was the only student in the class that first year, and other districts sent kids in. It took a lawyer to make it happen but it saved them a boatload in the longrun.

 

[Shari]

I totally agree with you, SRL. Totally. It is their job and they aren't doing it.

My post above was really in response to UpAllNight's reply, was more just filling her in the rest of the story. I editted it to hoefully portray that.

That said, tho, the school, plans on me coming in til the end of the year. I know this.

I also know that I don't plan to.

This was a transition. I offered to come in to transition him into the afternoons and agreed to do it longer than the initial week because I think its good for difficult child to be successful. This will be the third week I am going in. Three weeks with ZERO problems. After this week, I will be expecting a para to be shadowing me, in prep to hand it off to them. I think three weeks is sufficient to get him in the groove and prove to them that this can be done if they get the right people. Huge emphasis on the right people. Heck, I think I could largely keep him in the mainstream classroom 95% of the time and on task if I were his aide. Which I'm willing to do if they're willing to put me on the bankroll. (don't want to, but would)

They are finally starting the FBA tomorrow, too.

This year is a wash. All I am trying to get from this year is a strategy for next. I hear you, SRL. Please don't get too frustrated with me; I just vent thsi stuff here becaus it seems amazing the lengths this guy will go to to try to avoid educating difficult child. And what's best to make the school do their job isn't always what's best for difficult child - I'm trying to walk the line in the middle and lay the groundwork and learn the ropes so I can deal and dish back as needed on the fly.

I've already involved those higher up in the district and so far, every time I've called them in, they've come in and corrected things, in my favor, so I don't feel its time for the lawyer just yet. The district, as a whole, is not the problem. The problem is that principal who, I feel, will just keep finding loopholes to attempt to hang me with. I've got to learn to deal with him, but before I start spouting anything back to him, I need to make sure I'm in the right. I'm getting there.

 

[SRL]

This year is a wash. All I am trying to get from this year is a strategy for next. I hear you, SRL. Please don't get too frustrated with me; I just vent thsi stuff here becaus it seems amazing the lengths this guy will go to to try to avoid educating difficult child. And what's best to make the school do their job isn't always what's best for difficult child - I'm trying to walk the line in the middle and lay the groundwork and learn the ropes so I can deal and dish back as needed on the fly.

I've already involved those higher up in the district and so far, every time I've called them in, they've come in and corrected things, in my favor, so I don't feel its time for the lawyer just yet. The district, as a whole, is not the problem. The problem is that principal who, I feel, will just keep finding loopholes to attempt to hang me with. I've got to learn to deal with him, but before I start spouting anything back to him, I need to make sure I'm in the right. I'm getting there.

Shari, I'm not frustrated with you. I just wanted to make sure you were clear on the law. I was also a little concerned because I've seen parents picking up slack and in essence take on enabler roles when districts weren't doing their jobs instead of demanding SD does as the law expects. You still have a lot of years ahead of you and you don't want to go there.

If I had that principal I would be cc-ing every single email communication to the director of Special Education.

 

[Shari]

That's the plan, going forward. I was only involving her as needed until this week, but I'm done with that. I will copy her on everything. I'm also going to forward the "filthy" emails to her. I think she needs to know how that played out, as well.

On that note, tho, is there anything that would NOT allow the school to hire me on as difficult child's para?

 

[jannie]

Shari
I'd love to see you write a note to school distruct using the info SRL wrote.....

Dear School System...

I understand that difficult child has a unique set of challenges and disabilties that result in the need for an individualized education plan. I know it can be challenging to meet his individualized needs, but I know that by law the the school system is required to develop a program to meet his needs.

As you know, I have been shadowing difficult child for the past two weeks so that he could participate with his class and attend specials. He has done quite well with my support and there have been no issues duirng this time period. Please be aware that this is my final week shadowing my son.

Legally, it is the school's responsiblity to educate difficult child. If the school is unable to handle him, they will need to contact educational consultants who do. If the aides aren't trained to handle him, then the school needs to provide training, even if it means sending them out or bringng someone in. If his home school can not provide an appropriate educational setting for him for the full day, then they need to create one within the district and/or pay to have him transported to another site (private or another public school) thas has a program in place. difficult child has an IEP in place and it specifies that a para educator should be with him throughout the entire school day. The school needs to be providing these supports as are written in the IEP.

Have a lovely day. Thank you in advance for providing an appropriate educaitonal program for my child.


SRL...so well written

.....all you need to do is look at his iep and see what other specific details are included...lol...I know this is the law...and I wish it were this easy...but it is all true and legal.

 

[Marguerite]

I agree - I think it's time for this letter. This principal needs to have it brought home to him, that his antics are wrong, they are illegal, they could end up costing the school a lot of money. The teachers sound like they're doing the right thing, the aides mostly (apart from one who seems to also need to have a refresher course in what she should be doing for her job) and credit where it's due - they can't do their job i they keep getting undermined by the principal.

Bad attitudes from seniour positions can undermine a great deal of otherwise productive work. We saw this with difficult child 1 in great detail.

Marg

 

[JJJ]

Shari -- Thanks for posting your ongoing drama with your principal. We have a similar situation here. In fact, Tigger is home today because I don't trust them to not set him off and then use that as a excuse to place him out of the district. They agree to things at the IEP meeting and then change them without asking or even telling me. For example, Tigger was suppose to have a "safe tent" in the room that he could go to when he was upset. They made it something he had to earn, then when he was falling asleep in there, they took it away. I didn't know until they called me in one day because he kept trying to escape the room through the window (they had blocked the door and the drop to the ground is only about 2-3').

I was blunt and told them it was their fault. That at the IEP meeting we made sure that he had his safe place and they took it away -- of course he tried to run! Duh.

Our principal keeps saying "but this is a public school, we can't have that here". They are trying to set him up to fail so they can send him to a private alternate school -- over my dead body. The private schools around here are awful; they warehouse children for profit.

 

[AnnieO]

I know that feeling. They're getting ready to test difficult child 2. He is receiving mods for his math, reading and writing testing - but not Citizenship or Science.

Uh, the kid's great in math. And his IEP specifically states reading. That's good... Most of their Science stuff is from a book. Hello! The Citizenship, if not read, OK. But - !

 

[Shari]

I just got my copy of the new IEP in the mail this morning. I read thru it and immediately went to SpEd Director because half the stuff we talked about isn't in it!

After 4 or 5 emails back and forth with the SpEd Director, she and I have now discovered that her copy and my copy are not the same.

I pray this was a mistake, but at this point in the game, nothing would suprise me.

This feeling is EXACTLY why I didn't want to go to public school. They have played enough head games that now I wonder "was this a mistake? or on purpose?" Yeah, by law, they have to educate him. That law should also include a clause about the parent not being the one to have to force the issue over and over again. SO frustrating.

I think I will tell the SpEd Teacher tonight that I am sorry, to her and her alone, for any fallout my next few actions may cause to her. It is not personal, but my son deserves better than what he's getting, and I will likely start pushing people to get it. In fact, I already started. When I get there at noon today to take him to specials, I plan to take him to specials, not wait til he's finished with his impromptu math instruction they try to squeeze into that time frame (my guess is to avoid having to send a tutor out to him...) difficult child isn't there at math time cause pretty boy principal suspended him indefinitely. difficult child's back, now, long enuf to go to specials. We're going to specials. Pretty boy can figure out the rest.

 

[JJJ]

Shari -- are we in the same school???? Initials: SC

 

[Shari]

I don't think so. I think you're east of the Mississippi. I'm west.

But the initials ARE close!

 

[JJJ]

Just that "pretty boy" fits our principal as well. He had the nerve to state that he "wasn't going to let difficult child run around the school the way his old principal did". I told her what he said. I would have loved to have heard their next conversation LOL.

(Yes, I'm east of the big river.)

 

[Shari]

We have 3 initials, but 2 of them are SC. That's kinda funny.