Hi all,
Just a quick update on Josh. He is still at my sister's house with her and her husband. Things seem to be going well so far. I had talked with her about coming out there to see him. She suggested that she talk with Josh and see how he felt about that, which is exactly what I wanted to do. So she did that, and he said that while he wanted to see me, he's not "in a good place" right now and would not want me to come right now.
To be honest, I was hoping that that was the truth. That maybe he really wanted to see me and was, as she said, probably just embarrassed for me to see him in the situation he is in now, but I was skeptical. As it turns out, I unblocked his number that evening, with the hope that maybe his heart might change. I did get a text that evening that simply said, "Thanks, Mom." Even that was heartening to see, as the last few months he has taken to referring to his dad as "your husband" and to me as "your wife." Anyway I went to bed feeling tenatively hopeful. Come the next day though, I got a text from him that basically complained that I was willing to spend money to go to Denver to see him but yet won't give him any money. I didn't even finish reading the whole text. By the time I got to the first "F" bomb, I stopped reading and blocked his number again.
I just thought to myself most people would have responded by being appreciative that someone would care enough to spend the time away and the money to do that. But not him. It was just about the money to him. Exchanges like these have brought me closer and closer to the reality that he cares nothing about us. We are nothing to him at all except a source of money.
Anyway, I blocked his number and have decided to leave it blocked for awhile. I did text my sister last night to see how things were going and if she and her husband were doing okay. She said things were going well. They are trying to help him get his drivers license, which I hope will eventually succeed but who knows. She commented that "he's a good kid." I wish. He was a good kid; not anymore though.
I feel kind of guilty in a way. I've kind of pushed him off onto her. To be honest, knowing that he is in a safe place, eating regularly, and possibly getting some help with some of his needs, enables me to detach a little bit easier than it would if he were not. That's why I feel guilty I guess. At any rate, I don't know how things will turn out and how long this will last, so I'm going to enjoy the break and give myself time to get stronger again and move out of the pit of despair I've been living in. I'll keep you all posted.
Just a quick update on Josh. He is still at my sister's house with her and her husband. Things seem to be going well so far. I had talked with her about coming out there to see him. She suggested that she talk with Josh and see how he felt about that, which is exactly what I wanted to do. So she did that, and he said that while he wanted to see me, he's not "in a good place" right now and would not want me to come right now.
To be honest, I was hoping that that was the truth. That maybe he really wanted to see me and was, as she said, probably just embarrassed for me to see him in the situation he is in now, but I was skeptical. As it turns out, I unblocked his number that evening, with the hope that maybe his heart might change. I did get a text that evening that simply said, "Thanks, Mom." Even that was heartening to see, as the last few months he has taken to referring to his dad as "your husband" and to me as "your wife." Anyway I went to bed feeling tenatively hopeful. Come the next day though, I got a text from him that basically complained that I was willing to spend money to go to Denver to see him but yet won't give him any money. I didn't even finish reading the whole text. By the time I got to the first "F" bomb, I stopped reading and blocked his number again.
I just thought to myself most people would have responded by being appreciative that someone would care enough to spend the time away and the money to do that. But not him. It was just about the money to him. Exchanges like these have brought me closer and closer to the reality that he cares nothing about us. We are nothing to him at all except a source of money.
Anyway, I blocked his number and have decided to leave it blocked for awhile. I did text my sister last night to see how things were going and if she and her husband were doing okay. She said things were going well. They are trying to help him get his drivers license, which I hope will eventually succeed but who knows. She commented that "he's a good kid." I wish. He was a good kid; not anymore though.
I feel kind of guilty in a way. I've kind of pushed him off onto her. To be honest, knowing that he is in a safe place, eating regularly, and possibly getting some help with some of his needs, enables me to detach a little bit easier than it would if he were not. That's why I feel guilty I guess. At any rate, I don't know how things will turn out and how long this will last, so I'm going to enjoy the break and give myself time to get stronger again and move out of the pit of despair I've been living in. I'll keep you all posted.
