D
Doddlin
Guest
Hi All - I am having a meltdown over easy child. My bio children (difficult child#1 and difficult child#2) are doing terribly and easy child (step daughter) is perfect. Well, she isn't perfect and never really has been. We were estranged from her from age 15 to 19. She is now 21 so she has made contact with us and working on things with us for the past couple of years. However, even before she was 15 and visited on weekends, husband trained me to treat her like a princess.... based on how he treats her this way. No correction, look past anything she does or says, praise her, fill her full of herself. Even difficult child#3 (step son) has felt like she always got special treatment.
Since she has started coming around, this seems to have continued. We had to throw a big family BBQ for her this weekend just because she came to town (she is out of state with military job normally). She didn't even thank us. At Christmas we go all out, she comes by to pick up the stuff and off she goes. No gifts for us (I know, childish of me to think this way). Anyway, I am becoming resentful that she seems to be more deserving of special treatment, indulgence, love and support. With my boys, we have always corrected, no indulged, etc. I feel really resentful that husband treats the kids differently too. easy child is wonderful you know.
In addition, I feel envy. I feel like easy child has it all. She is doing well, has a nice place with a pool (renting), nice military living to stand on her feet, just bought a new car (came to brag about this weekend), is so beautiful (that is all the family can talk about), etc. My boys have none of this going on. They are very handsome, but not taking good care of themselves and certainly the In-law family doesn't really notice if they are around or not. It's all about easy child now. My own family isn't really part of our lives much. (sex-abuse and alcoholism when I grew up).
I know I probably have "issues" from my own past causing me to feel the envy. The resentment is about the fact that husband treats the kids differently. I'm sure I've trained him that it's ok to hold the boys accountable and see their behavior for what it is.... no indulging or disillusions. Anyway, I hope this all makes sense. Do any of you have experience with feelings like this and how do you cope?
Green eyed monster today
Since she has started coming around, this seems to have continued. We had to throw a big family BBQ for her this weekend just because she came to town (she is out of state with military job normally). She didn't even thank us. At Christmas we go all out, she comes by to pick up the stuff and off she goes. No gifts for us (I know, childish of me to think this way). Anyway, I am becoming resentful that she seems to be more deserving of special treatment, indulgence, love and support. With my boys, we have always corrected, no indulged, etc. I feel really resentful that husband treats the kids differently too. easy child is wonderful you know.
In addition, I feel envy. I feel like easy child has it all. She is doing well, has a nice place with a pool (renting), nice military living to stand on her feet, just bought a new car (came to brag about this weekend), is so beautiful (that is all the family can talk about), etc. My boys have none of this going on. They are very handsome, but not taking good care of themselves and certainly the In-law family doesn't really notice if they are around or not. It's all about easy child now. My own family isn't really part of our lives much. (sex-abuse and alcoholism when I grew up).
I know I probably have "issues" from my own past causing me to feel the envy. The resentment is about the fact that husband treats the kids differently. I'm sure I've trained him that it's ok to hold the boys accountable and see their behavior for what it is.... no indulging or disillusions. Anyway, I hope this all makes sense. Do any of you have experience with feelings like this and how do you cope?
Green eyed monster today