Resources for Boderline Personality

[beyondthecliff]

Hi again -

In my daughter's absence I have been researching Borderline (BPD). Yes, I know it is risky to self-diagnose, but this has been top of my list for years. However, I always got the "can't diagnosis personality disorders under 18" line at her various treatment places. Anyway - we have another appointment lined up next week, and despite her currently being gone she does say that she will go to that. Assuming she follows through, and now she's 18, hopefully we'll get an actual diagnosis instead of the run-around we've been dealing with for years.

She fits almost every single symptom with co-morbidity of depression and anxiety.

Anyway - maybe I'm barking up the wrong tree, but in potential preparation (and hope) I was wondering if anyone can point me to good resources for Borderline (BPD) - mainly how to parent effectively, and the best treatment places etc.

Thank you.

 

[recoveringenabler]

Beyondthecliff, here are some resources:

*The book Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder may be helpful. You can buy it on Amazon.

*The Website Out of the Fog (Different Types) has excellent information about Personality Disorders.

*NAMI, The National Alliance on Mental Illness may be a good resource too. Search | NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness

 

[beyondthecliff]

thank you!

 

[Cheerwyn]

The book "I Hate You Don't Leave Me" is also a good resource.

Even if there is no formal diagnosis (or if there is but it is not disclosed to you because she is an adult), you can still act on her symptoms and behavior.

It is hard to transition from parenting a minor to being the parent of an adult. in my humble opinion this is time for you to work on yourself and how you deal with your daughter, rather than parenting her.

 

[beyondthecliff]

I absolutely agree with you, Cheerwyn.

 

[Sam3]

There’s been some high profile coverage of borderline lately. Pete Davidson (Ariana Grande/SNL) admitted his diagnosis. Some of the articles suggested that for people diagnosed young there is a high rate of “remission” over 5 and 10 years. I mention it in case having a pop culture model would help your daughter consider the issue, but also because those remission numbers were surprisingly hopeful, for what is supposed to be a personality disorder.

 

[beyondthecliff]

Hi - Well, we had an extensive psychiatric evaluation. The guy was amazing - very thorough, kind, patient, non-judgmental. He spent well over the allotted time with us, for which I was immensely grateful. He went over all her history, medical, physical, medications, previous therapies, everything. And, as I have suspected for at least 5-6 years, she was diagnosed as borderline. I have been saying to every previous therapist and medical person we have come into contact with that I suspect this (not in front of my daughter), but I was dismissed because of her age (she was under 18). Furthermore, she is atypical, because she is considered a "quiet borderline", meaning that she doesn't display the more usual symptoms of outward anger and "drama". Instead, she turns it all inwards.

I am relieved to have a diagnoses, and I am obviously sad that she has been struggling for so long, as have we, with this pervasive and difficult disorder. We will be getting her enrolled in intensive DBT which is specific for Borderline (BPD). Additionally, her very hard to treat depression (no medication has worked over the past 5-6 years) will be tackled with a lesser prescribed anti-depressant, so I have hope, which is something that has been missing from our lives for a long time.

I tracked back her recent decline into prescription drug abuse, and it coincides (not surprisingly now I think about it) with the fact that we were strongly encouraging her to take the first steps to independence and get a job. She did, reluctantly, get a job but of course completely sabotaged it with her drug abuse and chaotic behavior. Now that her job has essentially drifted away to nothing, she appears to be not using.

Yes, she went through an awful week of withdrawal, but since then she has been home and hasn't used. I'm not naïve enough to think it isn't still a threat to her (and us), but she has been educated extensively regarding the interaction with her new medication, and she appears to be on board with everything. Fingers crossed.

I guess at this stage we have to learn how to parent her effectively. Or rather than *parent*, how to best guide her into true adulthood and independence, because one of the defining features for her is that she has absolutely no sense of who she is......no goals, no direction, nothing. It's a tough walk to take because we don't want to baby her and allow her to drift into a future of nothing, but on the other hand she is utterly incapable of living independently due to her reckless decisions and inability to function as a mature adult.

I plan to buy every book I can get my hands on (some have been suggested here...thank you!) to help us better learn how to manage our own lives and to take back some sanity and sense of control in the family. One of my biggest issues right now is that I cannot trust her to be left alone, which greatly restricts her dad and I from doing things such as date-night or going away for the weekends etc.

Thank you!

 

[Sam3]

You are a wonderful advocate. Your daughter is lucky.

 

[beyondthecliff]

Thank you so much.