Hi friends....I took a break from the forum for a while. I have been working hard on detaching from my daughter. Has been going pretty well, until today, that is.
Long story (sorry). She has been living with her difficult child boyfriend at his mother's house. They fight like cats & dogs and its been on again, off again. They are both physically and verbally abusive. boyfriend has a felony abduction conviction for one of their incidents. A few weeks ago, he called us and said she was "out of control." We were glad that he called us instead of fighting back, and my husband ended up going over to their house. Our daughter broke down, admitted she needed help, and did go in for an evaluation soon after. She has been diagnosed with "intermittant impulse control disorder" (I think I've got that right). It was suggested that she enroll in a 9 week anger management group therapy session. To our knowledge, she has not done that. However, every time we see her she is pleasant (actually a JOY to be with!) and is talking the talk (wants to go to community college in the fall, wants to pay off all her debt...)
Anyhow, Thursday night, she arrives at our house (unexpectedly) saying that she and boyfriend are fighting, can she stay here for a couple of nights? We say ok, but she must be respectful and clean up after herself. She leaves Friday morning to go back to boyfriend's mother's house to get ready for work. Apparently, boyfriend is there and they fight, and she doesn't go to work (this was her second day)! Yesterday afternoon, she went out with a girlfriend. She called me around 9 pm, and I asked if she would be coming home for the night. She said she wasn't sure, but would call me if she was NOT going to spend the night at our house.
I woke up at 3:30 am...no daughter, no phone call. Tossed and turned, eventually went back to sleep. 6:30 am: no daughter, no phone call. Our easy child wakes up and is livid because her brand new $50 jeans and brand new shorts are missing. Didn't hear from difficult child until 5 pm, when she comes in and heads straight for the computer.
husband confronts difficult child for taking her sister's clothes and not respecting us by giving a simple phone call. They end up getting into it, and it is not a pretty scene. She packs her bag and leaves in a huge huff.
This is the same old, same old for us. The only difference from a year ago is that difficult child now has run out of friends who will take her in.
I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place. I want to help her, but not to my own (and husband and easy child's) detriment. Today has been rough...lots of crying and feeling helpless for me. easy child has been angry all day. husband usually is able to detach, but not today...I think he feels guilty because he lost his temper with her.
Thanks for listening..
Long story (sorry). She has been living with her difficult child boyfriend at his mother's house. They fight like cats & dogs and its been on again, off again. They are both physically and verbally abusive. boyfriend has a felony abduction conviction for one of their incidents. A few weeks ago, he called us and said she was "out of control." We were glad that he called us instead of fighting back, and my husband ended up going over to their house. Our daughter broke down, admitted she needed help, and did go in for an evaluation soon after. She has been diagnosed with "intermittant impulse control disorder" (I think I've got that right). It was suggested that she enroll in a 9 week anger management group therapy session. To our knowledge, she has not done that. However, every time we see her she is pleasant (actually a JOY to be with!) and is talking the talk (wants to go to community college in the fall, wants to pay off all her debt...)
Anyhow, Thursday night, she arrives at our house (unexpectedly) saying that she and boyfriend are fighting, can she stay here for a couple of nights? We say ok, but she must be respectful and clean up after herself. She leaves Friday morning to go back to boyfriend's mother's house to get ready for work. Apparently, boyfriend is there and they fight, and she doesn't go to work (this was her second day)! Yesterday afternoon, she went out with a girlfriend. She called me around 9 pm, and I asked if she would be coming home for the night. She said she wasn't sure, but would call me if she was NOT going to spend the night at our house.
I woke up at 3:30 am...no daughter, no phone call. Tossed and turned, eventually went back to sleep. 6:30 am: no daughter, no phone call. Our easy child wakes up and is livid because her brand new $50 jeans and brand new shorts are missing. Didn't hear from difficult child until 5 pm, when she comes in and heads straight for the computer.
husband confronts difficult child for taking her sister's clothes and not respecting us by giving a simple phone call. They end up getting into it, and it is not a pretty scene. She packs her bag and leaves in a huge huff.
This is the same old, same old for us. The only difference from a year ago is that difficult child now has run out of friends who will take her in.
I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place. I want to help her, but not to my own (and husband and easy child's) detriment. Today has been rough...lots of crying and feeling helpless for me. easy child has been angry all day. husband usually is able to detach, but not today...I think he feels guilty because he lost his temper with her.
Thanks for listening..