Scared to death

[Gabby1432]

I am very new to posting online and even newer to asking for help. I have a daughter who has just turned 18, is still in High School, and still lives at home. Her behavior of late has been, to be honest disrespectful, she constantly lies about everything. Even the smallest of things. She is now dating a "boy" who is for lack of a better term a thug. I recently found out she has been smoking pot with him, but to be honest I m not so sure that is all that she has been doing in regards to drugs. When she is home she secludes herself from the family in her room and just sits on her cell phone ( that I pay for). She is often sleeping the days away when she is home. When I look in her eyes it is really obvious as to what she is extremely high. Her behavior has always been somewhat horrendous. Only a few times being brought home by police ( shoplifting). But since she has started dating this boy, it has gotten so much worse. She has been skipping school, and where she once had straight a's in her ap classes is now failing. I am not sure what to do with her at this point. She says she is 18 and that even though she lives at home and is still in school she can and will do what she likes. I disagree. I feel that if she is living in my house that my rules apply. Which are mainly No drugs, and no skipping school. She goes out on weekends and drinks and does the smoking pot. I also have a younger daughter who is 13, and I don't like the example that she is setting for my younger daughter. Her father passed away 5 years ago, but was not active in her life before his passing. So it is just me who is dealing with this. I am scared that she will end up doing something I.E. drugs, alcohol overdose, theft or other breaking of the law. With all her issues before I still saw so much potential. Now I see her throwing her future away. I was thinking of shutting off her phone, but then I am scared if I do that then I will not be able to get a hold of her in an emergency. Any help, advice that anyone might have would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Kalahou]

Hello Gabby, Welcome ~

I am just acknowledging your post, and have you in my thoughts for a calm spirit in dealing with fears about your daughter. You have found a safe place to here to share and seek insight and wisdom from the folks who all understand too well the type of understandable confusion and heartache you are experiencing. I am thankful for this group. Your daughter is still so young, so I feel your pain in being fearful and concerned for her. I have raised 4 children to adults, so I know those years in late teens are so worrisome. It’s a wonder how we get through some days.

I don’t have specific wisdom at the moment for your unique circumstances, except to encourage some strength and comfort to assure you that you will be alright and you will get through this. We are all on journeys to discovery and deliverance here. I have only been coming to this site for less than 2 months, but in that short time I have learned and grown so much in detachment, confidence, and release of fear. I hope the same for you.

My own Difficult Child (difficult child) (36 year old son) was not a Difficult Child in his teens. Perhaps my eyes were just blinded. Just when I thought I was done with raising him to a responsible young adult in his early 20s, is when he started his downhill slide into difficulties. “He failed to launch.” Others on this site more in tune with your specific unique situation will be along soon to support you. I am thankful you found us. I know you are already relieved to have shared your situation, and get it out in the open so you do not have to suffer alone. It is such a relief to be here with others who really know from experience what is happening. Stay with us. It helps to keep posting. Hugs to you.

 

[Gabby1432]

Thank you so much. It is good to have an outlet and to not think I am alone in this all the time anymore. Thank you for your warm welcome

 

[New Leaf]

Hi Gabby,
I am so very sorry for your troubles with your girl. It is so difficult when we see our children go down this path.
Welcome, to this site, it is very helpful and comforting to be able to share in a safe place.

I am scared that she will end up doing something I.E. drugs, alcohol overdose, theft or other breaking of the law. With all her issues before I still saw so much potential. Now I see her throwing her future away. I was thinking of shutting off her phone, but then I am scared if I do that then I will not be able to get a hold of her in an emergency. Any help, advice that anyone might have would be greatly appreciated.

In your post, Gabby, you have shared that she is doing drugs. Pot is much different these days, stronger and more addictive.
Your situation is difficult, because your daughter is 18, considered legally an adult, still in high school and at home. I have concerns for your 13 year old, having younger children myself, when my older ones were on this path.
Could you enlist help from the school counselor? Setting rules and boundaries for your home is important, and if she refuses to follow them, you may have to issue an ultimatum.

For your sake, as well as her sisters sake.
Peace in your home is first and foremost.

I would definitely try counseling.

My oldest daughter started to slide in middle school. I wish I had seen it then, and gotten counseling for her.

I hope that there is help in your area, and you and your daughter can work this out.

Others will come along and offer support and kindness.

In the meantime, be kind to yourself.

Do take good care, Gabby, I wish I had more solutions for you. Please know that we are here for you and you are not alone.

Keep posting and sharing. It helps.

(((HUGS)))
leafy

 

[Gabby1432]

Thank you so much! I have an appointment with her school counselor this coming Tuesday. If that doesn't work I feel for the sake of my other kids that I am going to have to do the ultimatum, just to restore some semblance of peace to our home.

 

[Kathy813]

Hi Gabby. You might want to post over in the Substance Abuse forum. We have a lot of experience dealing with loved ones using drugs. Your story sounds like what we went through with our daughter starting about the same age.

We have been through 10 years of hell as she spiraled down the path of alcohol and drug abuse. You will find a lot of support and understanding on this board.

Personally, I would look into sending her to a rehab and follow up treatment program.

~Kathy